*Note my original list was published in 2016 (I even included original comments) and I adjusted it today with some comments as I have been mulling over “Tony’s Magic”
I spent a lot of time compiling a list of all the “requirements” I had for the perfect mate.
Needless to say, my list was long. I realize this list is ridiculously long, but I truly can’t find an edit option.
1. A man who can think for himself
2. Strong shoulders (not in the physical sense though this is my favorite physical attribute)
6. Calm communicator/great listener/sound advice giver (challenges me)
7. Not a complainer
8. Handsome and tall, generally I don’t like bald
9. Sexy and sexual
10. Intelligent and well-educated
11. Above 44 and under 55
12. Interested in me, responsive, caring
13. Witty sense of humour, can elicit belly laughs from me including in bed; gentle teasing and banter in both directions
16. Emotional generosity
18. Solid career/ambition/white-collar/makes money
19. Wants to spend his money, doesn’t worry about it all the time – definitely NOT cheap
20. Has traveled and has a desire to see the world, even better if they are more well-traveled than me.
21. Puts me on a pedestal and is the wind beneath my wings – I know he loves and adores me
In addition to my own criteria, there is an article out there called “18 qualities every alpha female needs in a boyfriend” and you can see √ where most of these cross over to my list above:
- He someone you can tease and can tease you √
- He challenges you √
- He doesn’t get jealous
- He isn’t waiting on you but has his own plans
- He doesn’t air your dirty laundry
- He knows how to deal with your bad moods
- When he apologizes he really means it
- He’s moving at the same speed as you √
- He doesn’t belittle you but he doesn’t put you on a pedestal either (don’t agree with the way this is worded, I want someone to hold up my pedestal!)
- He is someone who teaches but never lectures √
- He makes you laugh √
- He will call you out when you need to be called out √
- He wants to be the wind beneath your wings (I call this holding my pedal steady) √
- He isn’t the life of the party but is always there is you need to be carried home (don’t agree with this, I like the life of a party)
- His opinions aren’t irrational they are backed up √
- He has dreams as big as yours (this isn’t hard as I don’t really have specific dreams)
- He knows when to drop it and when to address it
- He is a great listener but also expects to be heard √
So when I looked at these two long lists again, I didn’t find anything that needed to be removed that was originally part of what I deemed important in a relationship, but I did adjust a few very minutely. I could add more after Tony, but the goal isn’t to recreate Tony.
I think I have to add ONE I can’t seem to get right:
Must be single
So, why do I now say “Tonys Magic?” Because, other than not being married, that bastard managed to hit every one of those things plus others I didn’t even know I cared so deeply about (like his ability to be such a good father that I learned from him and trusted in his parenting skills).
The hard truth is – I am deathly afraid I can never have that magic again.
What I need to reconcile is – maybe I DON’T ever – maybe he was THE ONE. That sucks, but perhaps its the truth. Either way, if its true or not, I can’t have him, he doesn’t want me and I must move on. Period.