Awakening

Career.

This has been the hardest piece of the puzzle to begin to piece back together.

Funny, because I thought it would be easier than mending my broken heart and mind because it’s where all my strength and confidence stem from. But that isn’t the case.

I didn’t even begin to pull myself together with any seriousness until January into February. I worked closely with the outplacement group and I committed to a once-a-week call with my coach. There was always homework, and while sometimes I didn’t do it until right before the next phone call, I always did it. I surprised myself by finding the coaching supremely helpful in getting my thoughts organized for the job search. There were definitely high points.

I started looking but never fully invested myself. If I was truly networking, it should have been a lot harder than it was. I was taking the easy way out.

There may be a reason for that.

In 2016 when I lost my previous role, I had a dream that everything was going to be ok. I would find a fabulous job and I would hire my own team. The role would just come to me. And…it sure did. Just like I dreamed. I thought I literally found my dream job.

Fast forward to 2018 and the dream job had turned into my worst nightmare. I truly cringe when I think about the year of 2018 in that role. I so desperately wanted to prove myself, prove to my boss he was stupid for letting me go, prove to myself I wasn’t the dumb kid and was worthy of my title. I didn’t realize how badly his snide comments had damaged my normally confident work-self. That hadn’t happened to me before. Work had been my safe zone where I knew I performed. I knew I was good and I knew I could learn and adapt to any challenge thrown my way.

By the time I left that role I was emotionally crippled with the trifecta that year: breakup, job loss, and kid issues. It couldn’t have gotten any worse? Or could it? I took myself to Mexico with a death wish…so, yes, I made it worse.

In any case, I digress, I was explaining why I don’t think I properly invest in my networking. My 2016 job came to me out of the blue, as the two roles I held before that. I never worked “that” hard at networking. Things seemingly fell into my lap.

But this time I didn’t have a dream that told me things would be ok. This time there was no vision or confidence that I would secure my next best role. This time I was scared.

So the only thing I chose to do was to work on myself. The job search became mostly neglected. I set myself up financially to make it though the summer and had started to accept I would be out of work that long. I didn’t drop the search entirely, if there was a low-hanging fruit I picked it. I didn’t chase anything.

And, it happened organically, again. The same way it did before. Someone who knew me and respected me told someone else I was looking for a role and would be perfect for their open role. I had a couple interviews. I secured a full time freelance role. It’s only a 6 month role for half my salary but anything is better than unemployment. The company is on my top 5 list to work for. The department lead knows me for many years and likes me. It was a great opportunity. There are also some full time career roles I’m in the midst of – very similar to my last. Part of that frightens me because it’s hard to imagine jumping back into a frying pan full of hot oil, but the other part knows I am made for those roles and they come few and far between. I’m trying to remain on the positive side and see how they pan out.

So, back to work Monday I go. Am I ready? Probably not. I’m still way too tired all the damn time. My brain isn’t firing at full speed just yet. But I’m going to need to make it work as I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

9 months was a long recovery period. I never thought I would have this time in my life but I am glad I had as much as I did. Time to refill the coffers and get back to reality. The challenge is keeping the peace and balance I have found inside myself when the world is spinning out of control around me.

Who Goes to the Bank Anymore?

*Rant ahead! Apologies in advance!*

Who actually goes to the bank anymore?! Welp, my Dad does and it frustrates the hell out of me!

My parents had about 4 local banks they frequented. Closer to my mothers death, we reduced everything into 2 banks across the street from one another.

Before my mother passed she was very careful to ensure I had everything in place I needed to manage their bill, accounts, homes etc. When she passed I sent the requisite death certificate and changed all names and added my name as POA. Then again last year, I updated everything.

But there has ALWAYS been that one bank and that one person at that bank who refuses to get it right. And this year I had enough of it.

I have been to that bank for the past two years. With my Dad. And yet, it never gets done correctly. I simply need to obtain the tax form each year.

But this woman at this bank thinks I’m out to get my Dad or something. I swear I don’t know what it is. But she told me (again) last week I was all set up for the internet banking and could access forms there. When I attempted access I found I couldn’t! I wasn’t and called the internet banking line, they said it wasn’t approved by the branch.

Why is this local bank so difficult? Any other bank in the world you can do this shit on line. I have every possible piece of proof they could want and have physically been to bank.

Then I called the bank and literally ripped her a new one. I don’t generally get mad and scream but 3 years trying to get a simple tax document on time has pissed me off.

My father is older so I hate to make him do things he doesn’t have to do. But when I told him how rude this bank was – he ran over and did something entirely unexpected – he withdrew his largest account and brought me the check to manage elsewhere! He claims he stormed into the bank and yelled at the manager for not “listening to his boss!”

I’m not proud that I denigrated into anger, but 3 years of this woman I insinuating I was pulling one over on my Dad was all I could manage – and I guess he got the best of them anyway.

Of course we went back to the bank, once more, together. I politely handed her all the documentation while my father was sitting next to me. She repeatedly asked him if he was sure he wanted to make these changes and he finally got so frustrated he told her if she didn’t do it correctly he was taking out the rest of it! Even then, she remained impassive to his frustration.

Subsequently, we went to the bank across the street where we were able to get what we needed quite quickly – with the same documents. The people at the bank have known my family for years, and treated us like loyal customers – and me like a daughter who was caring for her father as he aged. What a difference. I tried to convince my Dad to move everything into the one bank!

But, that’s his decision ultimately. I like that my Dad feels he has control of his own finances and some responsibility at 83 years old. He’s worked hard for everything he’s got. I only need the ability to access for taxes and the trust we established, it’s not life-altering.

I am amazed how someone at a small local bank is so willing to lose business when retail banks are really starting to collapse. Especially when the bank directly across the street treats you as you would expect when you actually go into a bank!