How to Say Hello

I switch between about 3 different dating apps…Tinder, Bumble, and OK Cupid.  ASV gave me another one called Coffee Meets Bagel but that one seems like a bust.

Bumble tends to put forth the best looking guys, matches are easy enough, and the woman has to write first.  If I match, I say “Hello.”  Every single time.  Mostly, I don’t get responses.

Tinder matches much more frequently than Bumble, and on Tinder, I wait for the guy to write first.  Maybe 1 every 10 men will actually initiate a conversation.

OK Cupid works well for many, but I have found that in my area, it’s mostly the bottom feeders of the dating community.  I finally gave up and cancelled my renewal subscription because I just wasn’t meeting any quality men on OKC.

Coffee Meets Bagel was slow…you only had so many choices a day, and if you wanted more choices you needed to pay extra.  I did pay extra at first to see how it would work (I added beans to my coffee machine).  I chatted with two guys in a month.  And then suddenly, every match turned Asian…wtf?   Did I change my selection preferences or did they suddenly cover the entire city Asian market?  It was the strangest thing.  I have no more beans to pay for matches, I’m not attracted to Asian men, and it’s too slow going for me, so I don’t both with the app anymore.

So, that pretty much leaves Bumble and Tinder, which are mostly the same thing but the aesthetics of Bumble are just a tad better than Tinder.

I match often, matching isn’t a problem.  Hearing from someone, that’s another story entirely.  The other week I  was excited about 2 matches for about 5 minutes because they were just my type on paper and they unmatched me within the day.  Why?  I will never know! Especially when they matched me first!

Anyway, the point of this post… best to say “Hello” the first time around?

I know what doesn’t work:

Hey babe

You look like trouble

Want to have a drink?

To be fair, they all worked for me when I first started dating, but I am a tad more evolved now and know better than to entertain those guys!

There have been a couple lately that just make me melt a little:

Hi pretty girl

Hi M, can’t take my eyes off your smile

Hi there, you have the most beautiful, bright eyes….

Then there are the ones that really might be sweet if I didn’t think the men were just crazy to begin with, I mean, guys, this is too much:

Hello Beautiful Angel, You look like a star at night and the brilliant sun of the day

Hi, Look no more text me and let’s get off this site

You are so beautiful and down to earth (how do you know that?!)

I don’t know what happened to just saying “Hello.”  A plain simple hello.  If I like your photo, I will reply.

Maybe I have it wrong, but it seems the easiest way.  When I have to write first on Bumble I will always use their name and something simple: “Hello so-and-so.  Happy Thursday” and keep it straightforward.  If they like my photo, they respond.  Really, it’s easy.

Why does this internet dating thing need to be so ridiculously difficult?




Welcome, friends.

Here it is……my first post.

I thought April 1st seemed as good a day to start as any!

Starting a new blog is a bit like breaking in new shoes, they are not always so comfortable at first, but you are pretty sure you will get used to them in time.

I’m still fooling around with my image and tag line…I’m sure something will speak to me soon.

Am I reinvented, reimagined, reaffirmed, reawakened?  Maybe all of those things.  I want to consider my life an adventure, somehow that seems important to me – a beautiful, wonderful, exciting adventure.  I want my tag line to reflect these possibilities.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written and I actually feel a bit rusty!  I have found that journaling is good for my soul and has become an important part of how I process things.

I wish I had something witty and clever to start with.  Or an adventure or two to share.  But, my life is mostly quiet at the moment which is a reflection of my peace of mind.

Taking a break turned out to be healthy for me.

Once I set my mind to closing the last chapter, I found myself exhausted.  Sure, work stress added to it, but I am pretty sure it was more mind over matter.  I found myself sleeping by 8-9pm each evening, getting up, going to work early, and then coming home to fall asleep early again the next evening.  My children even commented that I seemed exhausted.  I felt this way for almost 2 weeks.  I knew the time to rest had come – my soul was insisting on it and I listened this time.

I spent a lot of time with myself, reflecting on all the changes in my life over the past 5 years.  I was consumed with endings during that time.  When I looked back and truly absorbed what I had been through, I needed to give myself a break.

I also spent time reading for therapy.  Mostly self-help stuff. I also spoke to my therapist quite a bit.  I am determined to clear the cobwebs in order to move myself forward… to a more balanced way of thought and action.

In order to discover who I am meant to be in this next phase of my life, I had to let go of all the things weighing me down.  Letting go clearly isn’t easy for me and I’m sure I’m still not going to be any good at it the next time I have to do it, but I have learned how to be more conscious and aware of my thoughts and behaviors.

With that said, I have no doubt I will still have many moments of immaturity and recklessness.  I sort of like that wild side of me.  She needs to be nurtured the same as the responsible and loving side of me!