This is one of the few trips where I literally have to perform every day and be “on” in front of my new boss. I also have a large bottom line of savings I need to achieve. While I knew what I was signing up for with this role, actual execution is always another thing entirely.
It’s been a very long, hard and draining week.
I am thankful I didn’t make the decision to break with Bennett before this trip. I think emotional exhaustion during this time would have spelled doom for me combined with the immense demands of my new role. I love the challenge and I want to be on point.
Bennett and I had a 16 hour time difference and he was on a business trip as well. We expected and agreeed on limited communication. I found it to work just fine the first few days but then I really missed him the last few days.
I have said before that he makes me feel safe and grounded. It’s not a feeling I have had in a long while. I truly found myself missing his consistent communication, knowing when I looked at my phone he would be checking in on me. I was glad that he was also busy enough not to be reaching out so often (or maybe it was more conscious based on our discussion, I don’t know and I didn’t ask). Never-the-less I missed him.
Anyway, we made it through the week and had a lovely conversation on the last evening of our respective trips. It was clear how much we both missed the other.
My Saturday is another long travel day from Asia to Europe. While the places I go are beautiful and wonderful, the travel is exhausting. There is no real downtime.
Bennett and I will have a 6 hour time difference for my second week away and he will be back to his routine. I expect there will be more consistent communication from his end.
I’ve been trying to think about exactly what I missed so much about speaking to Bennett every day. Of course, since I was so busy at work I didn’t have the time to think or check and knowing the time difference there wasn’t any expectation of communication but I definitely felt a pull. I think I miss those small things you share with a lover, mundane daily details, challenges and accomplishments. While I love our romance, I cherish the everyday bits of our relationship even more.
We did talk about what happens to each of us when we drink as we were both heavily engaged in social activities. While we both drink quite a bit, I always get silly and horny and I think this worries him. For those of you who have followed my antics in the past, alcohol generally leads me to drop any pretense and loosen my already lax inhibition. I like to flirt and have sex when I’m drinking. I noticed his questions were focused around where I spent my evenings. For my end, I notice when Bennett is in a social drinking situation he will get very sweet and loving by text, but then hits a point where he disappears, which creates frustration for me, because he could drop off mid-conversation. I don’t worry what he’s doing because he always recaps the next day, but I don’t ask as many questions as he does about his night. Sometimes I wonder why I am so much less interested in his evening activity.
I’m just about to land in my next country and start a whirlwind tour of some of the most beautiful factories we work with. I am much more excited, personally, for this part of the trip because it’s rare to visit these places. This week will be even more social than last which requires a lot more energy from me than straight forward work.
I realize there’s not much to say in the post above. I’m doing well emotionally, the trip is going well and I’m satisfied with my current decision.