I really haven’t had the time to sit and write the way I used to. It’s not just the time, but the inclination. So far, on this blog, I have only written as a diary and real life situations, but I also like to write fiction.
I’m not a very good writer, my fiction was never really intended for public consumption, but for the man I was writing it for. I have been lucky to meet several men in the past 2.5 years that enjoy my writing and my stories.
As I have been struggling to determine how to make it through another 5 days of holiday apart from Bennett with lots of negative emotion swirling, I had been wracking my brain to think what I could do to turn away all this negativity and it occurred to me I could write.
I would write for him. He loves a sexy story, and I could write us into some kind of sexy adventure, much as I had done in the past. I had started this for him right before I started my new job, but, once I started that job, I couldn’t focus on any personal writing. What little I did write was sheerly personal here on the blog, to clear my head.
I refuse to fall into any kind of depression over Bennett and our inevitable conclusion, I won’t live through a repeat of last year when I knowingly and purposefully chose this path. Those words sound so strong but my emotional constitution is laughing at me and saying”let’s see who wins this round!”
Well, then, game on. I am going to put myself into a positive place. One where I remember what it means when you first mean someone and feel that pull of limerence that feels so much like falling head over heels in love. What it was like when I saw it directed at me for the first time in such force and clarity.
I’m going to write a sexy story for him. For me. Just to write about anything that makes me feel good that’s not grounded in reality.
January is around the corner, which means, if I’m true to myself, so is this last chapter of my life. I am really ok with that because I chose it. Somehow I am going to keep reminding myself that I make conscious choices every day and one of those should be self-care. I love to write, so write I will.
Now, I realize many of you don’t like fiction…so I won’t be offended if you don’t read because I’m doing it for myself. But if you do read, I hope you enjoy my dreams and fantasies.