Do I have control of myself because I really don’t care? Because maybe I don’t really love him? Maybe I knew all along it wasn’t going to work?
This behavior is so unlike me (yea yea, everyone is happy I’m not batshit crazy like usual, but come on, this is just strange). Where did Trixie go?
Did Tony kill her? Mexico? Is she suffocated? Dead for good?
There isn’t even a crazy THOUGHT in my head. Not one.
The first few times we fought I went through some sort of emotional upheaval and afterwards I thought to myself…did I just feel that way to resolve the situation? Did I just not want to fight?
It might be. I may have fixed it or smoothed things out more because I didn’t want the disruption than I wanted the relationship? It occurred to me then and it occurs to me now.
I may have also grown up a little. I like to think its more about that but I’m actually unsure. Maybe I just found a bit of my own self worth and stubbornness. I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he’s treated me.