This is a word I haven’t thought of in a while but it crossed my mind tonight after a conversation with Scott.

I just spent 2 hours searching vaccine appointments for my Dad with no luck, so this will be a short post, but it’s on my mind.

Scott feels he is landed where he wants to be. Status quo and happy with his job and where he is in life. He’s 46 and sees an easy path to retirement working for the government doing what he does very well, but not hardly working. But he’s getting the sense his boss doesn’t want him anymore and is pushing him out. I just needed to listen to him tonight as he was pretty upset and I realized I was describing him incorrectly all along – he does boast about how great he is and how he is the best there is, which I genuinely find appalling. I just didn’t understand why.

Now I do.

He just has no modesty and no humility. And I don’t think he even realizes it. For all my flaws, I have both of these qualities in spades (in person, but you get alllll the word vomit from my head!). I have to keep my mouth shut when he starts on himself because it’s just not how me or my people do it.

I am great at my job, I’m a pretty good mom, daughter snd friend. I do not boast about any of it. I certainly do not boast about my income, my status or my abilities.

I wondered to myself if people who do this never got the recognition they needed when young or got too much recognition? Or are they just loud achievers? There’s no debate he’s good at what he does, but he’s complacent…and believe it or not, this complacency (or lack of ambition) may be a bigger joy killer for me than his anger episodes.

I wonder why some people boast like this and are not modest no matter how good at their jobs they are and why some don’t?

Where’s my psychologists here?!

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

3 thoughts on “Modesty”

  1. I honestly think it’s a very nurtured path of men in North America. They are raised to think of themselves as the bees knees. They can do anything, even if they are just mediocre they just keep plodding along shunning the idea that their failures are on them. Women are raised to shoulder the trauma as shit we do wrong. Women who are confident are self centered and bitchy and proud and over confident. Men who act in the same way are- just men. It’s really kindof awkward to realize because when it starts to hit them- their shortcomings- you as a woke woman want to be honest “um- yeh. If you want to keep your job? You have to be worth keeping. I worked my ass off and still got let go” and they sit in the corner thinking somethings WRONG when really- shit is finally gaining balance. It sounds like dude is competent- but getting long in the tooth you have to be worth the extra dollars you cost, so he has to start peddling the bike not just relying on the little battery on the back…. but I think I’m a bit jaded of late. I do think a lot of things in business inequity right now really comes down to the balance of power shifting away from the men and out to- meritocracy, and the dudes up top are just freaking out. Or at least it’s part of it. To them it feels unfair. But that’s because they are finally having the challenges the rest of us have always fought against.

    There is a reason I am dating a Dutch man. His understanding of equity is very different. He still has issues with parity, but he really really tries to work on it, endeavours to build fairness.

    Liked by 1 person

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