I know everyone has different relationships with their kids. We all parent differently.
My kids are mostly benign. We don’t have the greatest relationships but they trust me and come to me when they need help. I am home for them. I try to be more of a friend now that they are getting older (18 and 21) but I still treat them like my children and there are lines I don’t cross.
Scott has one daughter she 24 who lives with him. She’s a good girl. She lives in a basement apartment he built out for her and she pays rent and holds down a job. He would like her to be in school be she can’t quite get it together. They have a good relationship. She is mostly respectful and is learning to be a good adult. She adores her father to no end.
Scott parties with his daughter. He told me a story of how “they” took her out when she was 21 and got blackout drunk for 2 days. They both tell the story with delight. I had to turn away in disgust. Not for her, she’s a kid, that’s what kids do – but for him.
I don’t think a parent should be hanging around with his kid and her friends getting black out drunk and footing the bill. I don’t think it’s appropriate.
His answer is “we are free spirits, we do anything, age doesn’t matter”.
When he is out at the bar, often times her friends are there and he’s hanging with the kids. He talks about them like his “crew”. I’ve met them all now, her friends are nice. One night she came to the bar to hang with us a bit and then her friends met her and we stayed and had a fun time. This was the night he smoked and got very drunk. When he is around a fun crowd he loses sight of how drunk he’s getting.
Several months ago he acknowledged he was drinking too much and I added in her was hanging out with the kids too much. He doesn’t have single male friends that are age appropriate but he doesn’t see that as an issue. He has bar friends for his free time. He grew up in another state so his closest friends still live there and his other close friends where he lives now are married – so he is out at the bar socializing.
Should this bother me? I know it’s not the way I parent (or anyone I know frankly) but maybe this is normal in other parts of the country.
I’m trying to suss through so many differences. Does it matter the way he parents if it has no effect on me? No, it doesn’t. But I don’t admire it despite the fact she’s a good girl. I don’t want my kids to see me black out drunk – I have more grace and pride than that. I have more class.
I have never said those words to him: Grace, pride snd class but I realize this is a big divide between us. He makes me feel like I’m too formal and I am not carefree – but I don’t see going out with your kid and getting drunk as being carefree as much as I think it’s inappropriate and not classy.
What do you think?