Dating in the Time of Covid pt 2

We are all caught up with my dates pre Covid and during quarantine, so what changed? We are not exactly out of our state quarantine, we have many restrictions in place, but luckily I live in one of the few states that is currently marked safe. We may have been the worst at one point, but now we have all kids of travel restrictions – we want to keep people out!

My time in the hospital was pretty hard. I wasn’t able to eat or drink and I was mostly in a lot of pain and on heavy narcotics. No visitors were allowed so my company consisted of the nurse and doctor visits (many who often stayed to chat). It leaves a lot of time in one’s own head.

My conversations with the doctors and nurses change my opinion about how I was living in fear around Covid. I do not dispute how dangerous the virus is and can be, but I have chosen to try to begin living more carefully. For me, that included dating again. When I started speaking / texting men on the apps, I was surprised how many had been dating all during quarantine. Some safely, and many not so safely! Ultimately, I had to decide who I was going to trust to date. I think I have made good decisions so far, but absolutely was caught out by a narcissist. He gets his own post.

I have matched with some men who still don’t want to text or speak, they want to meet immediately. I didn’t want to do this before Covid, but this is absolutely out of the question now. Besides meeting someone I am potentially incompatible with and wasting my time, there is an actual safety issue, even if we are in public and socially distant. I just don’t want to take the risk, it’s not worth it to me. Still, I have had more than one man come after me for not taking risks, not being spontaneous, and one even went as far to say I was controlling because I had to have things my way by establishing compatibility first. I’m just surprised how many men outright want to meet after one text, not establishing any form of compatibility and then get angry when I ask to chat some more, despite stating I’m not interested in being a pen pal either. It’s a hard no for me if they are even willing to do that.

I did manage to have a few safe dates. A quick recap:

First Date: Isn’t this terrible – I can’t even recall his name. He was a nice guy, our text was super easy. We had a quick phone call that went well and he had an underlying sense of humor. The first red flag: he hadn’t dated in some time or even have much dating experience. We had a bunch of things in common so it was worth meeting. We met at an outdoor restaurant in the daytime. I was instantly not attracted upon meeting him. His photos we’re taken at very good angles, and he was one of the rare few that looked worse in person. The conversation was too serious, with little to no laughter and I was simply disinterested. We enjoyed a glass of wine and a short walk around the block, but I was home within 2 hours. I was happy to be out in the sunshine feeling somewhat normal outside my home, even if everyone was socially distant and masked. For a first outing, it was fine. I let him know by text the next morning that I didn’t think we were a good match. He didn’t respond and deleted me from Bumble immediately. I understand. Getting that text sucks, but I hate when someone doesn’t have the courtesy to be stand up human and do the same for me, and many just don’t.

Darren: Another easy match by text and he lived in my town which was a first. We spoke by phone and hit it off. I should have seen the disparity in styles when we were trying to find a local place to meet and he was unhappy with every choice I made without saying why. He kept going back to the same two places which I was clear I didn’t want to go because they were on very busy streets and in our town, which I just wasn’t comfortable with because my kids friends would most likely be working at these two places. I finally invited him over to my back deck. The first date went well enough, I wasn’t super attracted to him but he was appealing enough and I felt he could grow on me. We chatted easily but I did notice there was no laughter unless I was making a joke or telling a funny story (I am going to write a post about this – humor is no simple thing). We had a nice kiss goodnight and agreed to meet again. The second date came just couple days later and he made a fabulous proposition to bring lobster and shrimp to the my deck for dinner. Everything started off quite the same, easy conversation, shared smiles. But the evening turned at some point when he needled me about a few topics and I grew more heated than I should have. It wasn’t as if he actually disagreed with my opinion as much as he wanted to continue to force an opposite opinion. I knew by the end of the evening neither of us much liked the other. I wrote in the morning to thank him for the date and he replied to me with a polite “I don’t think we are a match” text. We wished each other well.

Lew: there were many red flags with Lew. Too many. He was a widower of about 10 years with no long term relationships within that time. He worked from home. He kept talking about sex even after I asked him not to. Then it became innuendo which was more irritating. He did apologize each time and said he would try and do better. When I asked about his friends he said they were all married and rarely if ever went out with just the boys. When I asked about his activities or travel the answer was always the same: I don’t but I would if I had the right partner. This was a man who had convinced himself that his life hadn’t moved forward due to his lack of finding the right woman – and that woman needed to have a high sex drive. I didn’t learn all of this before I met him – he happened to live on the way up to my sisters so we met for a quick drink. He was better looking in person and nicely dressed. The date was stale. We didn’t laugh. Conversation was too serious. I was glad it was a hard stop at an hour since I had to get on the road. He was anxious to see me again because I checked whatever boxes he had particularly the physical appearance, attraction and intellect ones. It was too obvious he was placing too high a value on the physical chemistry – and I understood. I used to do the same thing and work hard to try and get over that even now. Later that evening I sent the text to decline meeting again and he didn’t answer and deleted me from Bumble immediately.

Rich: now here was promise. Finally. Rich gets his own post because there’s a whole story here. I still haven’t figured out what happened and I’m highly unlikely to ever know why but he ghosted me after a month of speaking and two dates.

Matt: oh what a cutie Matt is. I really adore him. Problem is he lives 600 miles away in Michigan! We met on line just after Rich and I met online so we’ve been speaking for about a month via text now. We are quite similar and attracted in photos and text. He loves the flirt. He also loves to send a cock shot. He doesn’t even try to call which irks me and then I remind myself there is zero point in attempting to move this relationship beyond what it is: a light flirtatious text boyfriend. This does take willpower on my part not to push for me (despite knowing it’s fruitless, I still get irked, I’m working on this). If he was genuine he would call and not make excuses for it. I no longer discount the possibility of a long distance relationship, but that needs to work on both sides. He gets the hall pass for sexting because it’s light, fun and harmless. I never send dirty photos and he never asks. We talk about his life mostly, he doesn’t ask a whole lot of questions. He says good morning every day and good night every night and checks in throughout the day. He’s lonely, I’m lonely and that’s pretty much it. I’m sure it ends when one or the other of us meet someone to date.

That’s it. We are all caught up til today. Many men are much more willing to travel for relationship than before (unless they live in the city, that hasn’t changed – they are too locked into city life). I have to be cautious about how far my matches are because I don’t know what I want in terms of distance but I don’t rule it out. I suppose a couple things happened during quarantine – people are working from home for the most part everyone has more flexibility and single people realized just how lonely they are without relationship. I’ve been surprised at how common this theme is – many men didn’t have their children with them or have adult children and hadn’t seen them for some time. They also lost their gyms. If they didn’t live in a home they suddenly found themselves very bored and alone and struggling to keep their time filled. I wonder how long this will last?

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

3 thoughts on “Dating in the Time of Covid pt 2”

  1. I had a guy delete me on a dating app when I turned him down because he suggested meeting at either a bar or restaurant. Both of which I am staying away from. Boggles my mind how so many are wanting to meet right away too.

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