Covid19 Struggles at Home

I live close to one of the Covid19 epicenters, but not close enough that my kids understand why I’m panicked.

My wound opened up a couple weeks back after the surgeon tried to cauterize it again. I also think I’ve had a weight gain that’s causing pressure on the adhesions and it’s partially why it hurts and is oozing. Either way, I have open wound.

I wasn’t concerned before the announcements about the sports leagues and now all 3 kids with indefinite school closings. But, now I am. And my kids think I’m being irrational. The one who is giving me the hardest time is the one who always gives me a hard time.

The bottom line, I don’t want him hanging out with his friends at night at parties playing drinking games. He’s not especially careful, this one, and the kids are all coming home from various colleges. They all have parents and families with different levels of exposure. The smallest group is like 12-15 kids. He thinks I’m crazy and has made it quite clear I’m the only parent that’s crazy and irrational. I know my kid, he doesn’t wash his hands enough. He doesn’t think about the risks.

When I tried to speak to him it turned into a screaming match because(just like his father) he kept at me like a battering ram. I kept my voice low and moderated and explained why I was scared. I explained how the disease can travel quickly. I explained I was worried that I am always immunocompromised and I had an open wound.

His answers were:

I didn’t do that to you (my surgeries)

No one else parents are concerned

This is no different than me being in Canada for 4 days for Spring break (that was Monday – Thursday before I began to worry)

This is no different than me being at work (in a restaurant)

When I suggested he can do all the things he wanted but needed to live with his Dad in the meantime, I found out his Dad has his girlfriend there and my kids are not welcome. The Dad spoke to my son to tell my son to follow my rules until his girlfriend left and then he could stay there. As usual, my x’s priorities are himself.

My son told me he has “no where to go” if I make him leave. I told him he has only 1 more night to stay home then he can do whatever he wants because he can live with his Dad until this passes. His answer: I can’t live with my Dad his apartment is too small and it’s not my home. You’re crazy. You do this to me all the time. No one else is this crazy. This is my Spring Break.

Of course I’ve been crying since. Why am I being penalized that his father has not created a home for him? Why is it ok he can’t live with his Dad, but not ok to follow my house rules. Why is he so selfish and entitled that he simply does not understand how sick I was (this none didn’t live at home while I was sick so didn’t see it first hand, but he’s been home the last year).

I suppose it could be worse. He’s not a bad kid, just a self entitled little shit. His brothers are entirely different and can he trusted to stay safe and at home – though I have allowed them to visit one friend at a time whose parents I know well. Even then, it’s risky, but I watch them come in and wash hands and change while their brother doesn’t even wash his hands unless I stand there and make him.

The fathers answer to all of this: when I move into my mothers basement they will always have a place to go. Not helping with this problem and his mother is 86….so how would that solve the problem of our son coming and going recklessly? He’s no father, never has been, I just wish I learned how to accept that.

I can’t wait for the mandatory curfew to start so my child has some control over his movements. Even then I bet he thinks it’s dumb and he can still do what he wants. Cases are found in his college and the town next to us and he still says “no one we know has it so we won’t get it.” I’m if the belief we need to quarantines best as possible until this is resolving. Better safe than sorry.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

7 thoughts on “Covid19 Struggles at Home”

  1. All kids about that age are so entitled its seriously redic. Try not to take it personal. My kids think I am being crazy about it all too cuz I dont let them go to their friends either. Too effing bad!! Someday he will thank you <- and if not, all well, you did what you thought was best at the time. Period.

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  2. Your house, your rules. On the bright side, his dad did tell him to follow the rules as long as he was living with you. Meanwhile, if you’re not comfortable telling your son to find a friend to live with if he can’t do what you require, then all you can do is take care of yourself.

    I have an adult daughter living with me who is not as concerned about the virus as I am (I work in the medical field, I have a son who works in an ER, and a sister who works for FEMA, so I hear all the new developments right away. If they are concerned, I’m concerned). Luckily, my daughter doesn’t go out and party with large groups, but she does like to go to a local brewhouse/movie theater and hang out with friends. I’ve communicated my concerns and she has curtailed that (as far as I know), but I just make it a point to disinfect heavy touch areas a couple of times a day (doorknobs, toilet levers, faucets, cabinet knobs, light switches, railings, remotes, etc). I also make it a point to follow the protocol – washing my hands often, using hand sanitizer even more often (whenever I touch something at work or the grocery store, where I can’t be sure when it was last cleaned), and I keep my hands off my face. Covid19 doesn’t fly through the air to infect you – you have to either touch something that is contaminated and then touch your eyes, nose or mouth (or something that you put in your eyes, nose or mouth) OR you have to be within droplet range of an infected individual – which is nearer than 6 feet.

    I know that you are already vigilant about hand washing and I’m sure using hand sanitizer as well. But if you let your son stay and you can’t trust him to socially isolate or follow cleanliness protocols, then protect yourself. Keep at least 6 feet away from him. Use a tissue or paper towel if you’re touching something that he may have touched that you haven’t disinfected yet. Let him do his own laundry (or not – if he wants to dress in dirty clothes, that’s his prerogative). Designate a bathroom that he can use and you and his siblings should stay out of it. And keep sanitizing things that are touched often. If you really want to make a point, you can make him wear a mask anytime he is in a common area of the house. Again, your house, your rules.

    Don’t expect him to do anything out of a sense of empathy for you or vulnerable members of society. He is a young man with a young brain — and they don’t work the same as our brains do. Young men in particular feel they are invincible and like to engage in high-risk behavior. Young people also are chomping at the bit to be independent and in control of their own lives/behavior. It’s really got nothing to do with you – it’s just the way he is wired right now. Don’t take things personally and don’t try to assign blame to other parties – because really no one is to blame except your son and his behaviors and (as mentioned above) he’s wired to behave that way for several more years.

    Stay safe and healthy!

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