He’s A Nice Guy (Pt 1)

I was thrilled to have an exploratory interview last week and when I’m not feeling like I will jinx myself, I will write a post about it. It was sort of like talking to adults again for the first time in months! I felt my brain turn on, the adrenal rush my best skills coming out to play.

The interview was early afternoon and I had time to kill between the interview and meeting a friend for dinner. I had been talking to a match for a day or so on Bumble and had mentioned the break. He offered coffee post the interview and I accepted.

Right away there was a good connection. Scott was very responsive in text and conversation flowed easily. I was looking forward to meeting him, and attempting not to focus on his looks. His photos were cute, but not especially my type. I’m trying here.

Meeting him in person was pretty much aligned with what I had thought about the photos, good-looking but just not my type. The bigger disappointment was height as he indicated 6′ and if he was even 5’11” thats being generous. I HATE when guys lie about height. It is such a turn off to me. I was determined not to let the height thing get in the way of getting to know him. But, this shit sticks with you.

We had a nice date and sent a couple hours together before I needed to meet my friend. I thought he was kind, funny, interesting and fun to be with. There was an undercurrent of something I didn’t like and I still haven’t figured out what it was exactly. There were NO obvious red flags which was refreshing. When we left the bar we were at, he walked me to the restaurant to meet my friend. He pulled me in for a nice kiss and we were totally in sync. It didn’t send chills down my spine but it was a good kiss. Ever since Douchebag Jim I realize the importance of a good kiss even more acutely. Jim’s crappy kisses that one date really stuck with me more so than some others. He held my hand on the way to restaurant. I was comfortable.

While I was with my friend he sent a few follow up text to say he was thinking of me and couldn’t wait to see me again. At that moment my friend was telling me how jet-lagged she was and she wanted to cut the evening short. When I told Scott, he asked if I would come to see him (same city, different borough) and my (silly but sassy) answer was “I don’t cross bridges!” He immediately offered to come get me for our second date.

Before he arrived he had done some research on bars in the area and had a fe options. We walked hand and hand to check them out and decided together they didn’t have the right atmosphere for one reason or the other. We landed up finding a New Orleans style bar that was ideal, and it turns out we were out on Fat Tuesday, so the bar had a New Orleans style Second Line band (think mini- marching band!) We settled next to one another into a bench seat facing into the bar. The manager was friendly and kept giving us free Hurricane shots (after 1 I was done and he drank the rest). The music was fabulous and I found myself just sort of falling back into his embrace as we watched them play. We both had massive grins plastered to our faces, between the kisses and the music the night was really nothing short of great fun. It will be a night to remember because of the easy spontaneity.

Of course, now that the night is late and we have been drinking, he is asking me to come back with and I agree. He is very clear there is zero expectation of me, just that he doesn’t want the night to end. As we know, this is the prescribed line at this point in the evening, and I expected it. Unusually, I believed him. There was nothing in his behavior to suggest he would push me.

And he didn’t. Not once. Nothing inappropriate. He made sure I had water on my side of the bed. He wrapped his arms around me gently. Yes, we made out (a lot) and yes we were mostly undressed. He asked if his hands could wander. He asked if I felt comfortable. He didn’t cross any lines I wasn’t allowing him to cross. And then, I wanted sex, so that happened. Again and again until we fell asleep. Sex was good and he knows how to use what he’s got. He is intent on providing pleasure and looking for my cues. We fell asleep entangled and woke up and did it all over again. We were both very comfortable with the other and he was in no rush for me to leave.

The most notable thing to happen during ht evening was a surprise I still haven’t quite processed. As we were fooling around, but before sex, I mentioned my surgeries and scars. Without missing a beat, he lifted my shirt to look at my belly! I was so startled I didn’t know what to think. Before I had a chance to process (anger was the first immediate thought) he said “who cares, you’re gorgeous, your body is gorgeous and everything about you is beautiful.” And, I believe, he meant it because it was so matter-of-fact. But still, I was so caught off guard and just didn’t know what to make of his bold move. We moved into sex after that so I didn’t dwell on it. I didn’t remark on it again until the morning when I said I couldn’t believe he did it. He told me I was nuts to even let it cross my mind and said he wanted to hear the story when I was ready to tell it. The reaction of the men I have had sex with is exactly what Dan told me months ago, no one would care. It’s me, I care, it bothers me. The trick is trying to get over not letting it distract me and Scott removed the distraction immediately.

We walked to coffee together and he saw me to my car. Before I left he was making plans for our next date. He works between two major cities and his home is in the other city, but he stays in one place for a few weeks at a time. I didn’t ask when he would be back again, but I know he is here all the time. He offered to get a hotel close to my home so he could see me the next evening (as his company is paying for a hotel anyway) and I agreed. I suppose that would make it date 3.

The thing is, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t have a good reason not to be into him other than, perhaps, his looks. He isn’t unattractive, he just doesn’t “do it” for me, at least not yet. He’s a nice guy, so whats my issue?

He is interested, I like him, so I agree to the Thursday date. If he could go to the trouble to work from my area and make sure he saw me before he left the city, it was a good sign.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

11 thoughts on “He’s A Nice Guy (Pt 1)”

  1. Truly nice guys are hard to find M. Give him a chance! My ex wasn’t the best looking of the bunch, but he had such a way about him and it was more about how I felt in his presence. Enjoy him! I think he could do a lot for you mood wise. Open you up if you will.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great stuff in this post! My fingers are crossed on the work stuff.

    I’m glad you had a great time with him, but what’s with these long dates?! That was a very long date with a minor intermission when you hung out with your GF. Long dates = you are too available for him. I suggest less availability. Just my 2 cents. He seems like a decent guy. Good luck!!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I just think it can be too much of a good thing. I suggest that perhaps a shorter date with a day or more between dates so both people can assess the other. Also too available can also turn some guys off because they enjoy the chase. Not saying this is the case, but the other person needs to feel lucky that you are spending your valuable time with them (and vice versatile for that matter).

        Liked by 1 person

    1. It occurs to me, yes! I have a kind of visceral reaction to shorter men (he’s still taller than me) and I don’t find it attractive. I’m giving it a try. He’s well built and solid which is a plus

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  3. I GET IT! Honestly, I know its kinda “shallow” <- or so I am told but I am 5'8 and would never date anyone shorter, no mater how attractive. Is what it is.

    Liked by 1 person

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