Time flies when you’re having fun! Or not. I don’t know how much fun I actually had as compared to my earlier dating experiences. Sure, there were some, but these past 18 months were absolutely more about self-actualization as it relates to dating. How dull for my readers. Where – oh – where did all the ridiculousness of M go?
Meh, I aged out. Need to be less ridiculous and more mature in the hopes of actually finding a partner worthy of the woman I know I can be.
A slow start did eventually pick up and I’ve absolutely arrived at a point of control.
It took almost 9 full months from when I started in late 2018 to find my mojo and begin to truly understand how casual sex, dating and relationships work for normal humans.
Not sure I’m normal, or ever will be, but there sure was a lot of progress this year!
First 10 Men in review from November 18 – April 19:
1. Rob (6’4″)– November/December
2. Brian– January
3. Joe– January
4. Jack– January
5. Matthew– January/February
6. Anthony– February
7. Greg– February
8. Jack2– February
10. Duke– April
Not much wasted time or effort in there, but at least one crazy! I learned a few lessons along the way.
The next batch finally broke through a dry year without sex, and really had me focusing on what was going to feel good to me:
11. August– April/May
12. Ed – May
13. Tom – June
14. Dick Adjuster (Rob2) – July
Then, suddenly, not only had the dry spell been broken, but my libido came back along with a healthy dose of common sense on how to begin to manage my anxious attachment:
15. John – July
16. Mike – August
17. Tom – August
18. Charles – August
19. Rob(repeat) – September
20. Dan (repeat) – September
21. Marshall– September/October
22. Jim– October
23. John2 – October
24. Jon– October
25. Dan2 – October/November/December
26. Chris – November
27. Tom2 – December (never even wrote about this date!)
And so ended my year.
In hindsight, the only actual regret I have is Mike. I do still think about him. He hit all the buttons. I recently saw him again on Tinder, but if he’s available he’s not interested in me since he never reached out again – he’s one of those I wish would come back. BUT, I also know its probably no good for me should he come back because I already like him too much and he didn’t maintain any consistency. I still can’t help but think what did I do wrong here?
What do I see when I look at this recap post? Almost 30 dates and nothing is the first thing that comes to mind. Too many wasted dates is the second thing that comes to mind.
But, when I allow the negative self-talk to quiet, I see lessons and growth. A whole lot of growth. Maybe its the growth I need to find my Mr. Right. Maybe I haven’t been as ready as I think I am. I still struggle to refine/reduce my requirements and I still tend to be very attracted to the same “formula” in a man. What if that doesn’t change?
I suppose I will be waiting a very, very long time.