The Candy Man

Since Marshall wasn’t really right for me, I have been peeking in and out of the dating apps.  I connected with a man who, on paper, seemed like a pretty good match.  Handsome, tall, well-educated, good job, looking for a LTR.

Jim is a nice man with plenty to say.  Easy to connect with on text and looking forward to a phone call.  We chatted by text a couple days and then had one call before he was off to China for a week for work.  He was super easy to talk to and had an interesting background, but there were two things I couldn’t quite put my finger on.  One was the nasal pitch in his voice seemed to come and go depending on how excited he was when he was talking.  I know this probably sounds rude, but I’m not saying it to him so here goes – when he got excited about something and started laughing and speaking, his voice rose in pitch and became almost whiney and was a real turn off.  He also found himself quite funny and I couldn’t even follow his stories enough to get the punch line to laugh, I kept thinking I was missing something!  The second thing was how he spoke about himself in passing and that he referred to himself as bad, goofy, and some others that I can’t recall – but words I wouldn’t really want to use to describe a man (or even myself) .  He was also very focused on physique and more than once said how handsome, youthful and fit he was.  Don’t bang your own drum, dude,  Its so not attractive.

I guess that was more than 2 things I noticed were not quite right.

He kept in touch via text while in China, which was nice,  A daily short check in, nothing much.  We had another phone conversation when he returned from his business trip to set up a date.  The seance phone call cemented the feelings I had gotten in the first, he wasn’t right for me.

I already knew before the date I wasn’t going to like him enough, but I wanted to be hopeful.  He was super nice.

But, on the second phone call he also explained he was married twice.  2 older daughters on this coast and 2 younger daughters on the other coast.  I know life takes some pretty strange turns, but an absent parent to 2 small girls, one who is autistic, strikes me the wrong way.  I’ve really gotten judgey lately.

I arrived to the bar, my standard first date bar, and he had secured a seat for us.  The waiter came quickly to offer drinks and we started chatting.  He was handsome, but (keeping with the judgey theme here) not my kind of man.  Since I had committed to the date, I was going to be pleasant and hope for the best.

Jim is easy to talk to, there’s plenty on his mind.  He asked me so many questions that I spent some time story telling.  He has ADD so he often had me repeat and backtrack.  He commented after a while that I wasn’t asking him any questions (see, in my mind, that means the person isn’t really all that interested in you when they are not asking questions – I don’t ask because I don’t need to find out more because I’m not that interested….I think everyone does this)  I did ask him some more questions about his children and he tried to tell me several stories that he started with “this is a funny story” but honestly, it wasn’t.  He just wasn’t funny and his storytelling ability wasn’t all that strong.

Then he teased me about a few things.  Teasing is ok, even funny sometimes.  But when it’s done over and over, repeating the same tease, it becomes unfunny pretty damn fast.

On my profiles I indicated I am 47 when I am actually 52.  I do this for search purposes and every profile also clearly states my correct age within the profile.  Its common dating app behavior.  Since he missed the fact that I was 52 in the profile and had to go back to check, he quickly made a joke (in one of our phone calls) about my lying on the dating sites to get younger men.  I did try to explain why I did it, but he didn’t want to hear it – he thought it was hysterical that I lied.  And that became his “go-to” joke of the evening.  I believe he probably commented on age about 10 times before I finally told him I didn’t find it funny.  It didn’t bother me, I wasn’t upset, it just wasn’t funny.  At one point when he did it again and I rolled my eyes, he jumped up to come over to hug me and say he was sorry if his teasing upset me.  I explained to hime, again, I wasn’t upset, I am not worried about my age, I simply just didn’t find the humor in it, yet he kept joking ad nauseam. He didn’t see my point of view and insisted I was really upset that he was teasing me.  I really just wanted to get out of there at this point.

Jim works for a large candy distributor and had brought me a massive bag filled with goodies from his work, he was really kind, but he was (exactly as he had described) goofy.  Goofy is not a trait I like.  You can be goofy with your kids, you can be goofy with your mates, but when you are on a date – please don’t be goofy.  I don’t think he can help it, he is actually a goofy kind of guy in a doh-doh-doh kind of way.

The date went fine, we shared some food.  He did another (what he thought was kind) thing and let me order an app he knew Ioved but he wouldn’t eat, and didn’t say so.  When the food came, of course I only ate half and the rest went to waste.  It wasn’t until a bit later whenI realized it was being wasted that I asked him if he didn’t like Tuna Tartare and he admitted he didn’t but was trying to be polite.  I only thought it was wasteful – had he told me he didn’t eat it, I would have eaten the entire app myself and only tasted the others, allowing him more food for the choices he liked.  Or, just not shared. Either would have been fine had he spoken up.  It wasn’t a bad thing, I just thought it was a bit strange not to speak up.

He mentioned multiple times how his new apartment really needed a woman touch.  He complimented me much too much, particularly on my shape (muscles and slimness).  He was a bit googly-eyed over me, which would be welcome when I like someone! :\  He talked to much about his own age (57) and how youthful and fit he was.  Honestly, he did look younger than his age, but not as young as he thought – he did not look like a man in his 40s.

Jim really didn’t do anything wrong, he was just too goofy for me overall and his whiney voice grated on me by the end of the evening.  I had to drive him round to his car parked in a further lot so we kissed goodnight….it was not a good kiss, so it further cemented the “definitely not for me in my head.

I thanked him in person and by text later that evening.  He text 2 days later that he was thinking of me, or at least I think thats what the text was because he used an acronym I never say “TAU” (thinking about you?).  I didn’t reply as I was out with my friend, but I also still haven’t replied.  I should be kind and not ghost because I know how it sucks.  If he writes again, I will be honest, but if he doesn’t, I will let it go.

I feel like dating is becoming more of a drag than not lately.

 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

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