I don’t know how long it’s been, since I’ve had any contact with Tony – months and months. A long time for me at least.
I was on Peloton about two weeks ago and I looked him up and he happened to be on a ride. I gave him a “virtual high five” and exited the app. Cracked myself up knowing that would probably aggravate him.
Sometime later he changed his screen name. I thought to myself “wow, he really hates me”. Maybe he does. I fucked with his life and his family. In his mind, I’m the one who did the damage to his family. I just laughs that he would go to the trouble to change his screen name. Obviously I saw it changed! 😂
I’m not giving myself a hall pass, what I did was wrong. Even if I don’t feel any shame or remorse over it, I know it was unnecessary for me to text his wife. I’m unsure if I would change it though.
That action created a release in me and I’ve been in the road to recovery since Feb 11th. Maybe not perfect – I’ve sent him text from the burner which I wrote about earlier – but much better. This little bird box (that’s what we call a virtual high five) was actually me being pretty much an asshole for no good reason.
This is what the blog is here for. My honesty. Don’t much care that I did it. Made me laugh at both of us. I laughed even harder when he went to the length to change his screen name.
Forgot about it for several days as I got busy in life.
I’ve been back on social media a bit more again as I’ve found my time to scroll, rather than letting it suck up time that is better spent elsewhere. I’ve always like IG better than Facebook so tend to post there and they have a feature called “stories” where your post only stays up for 24 hours. I usually put my Peloton work up every day to keep accountable with my Peloton tribe. Once you post a story, you can see who viewed your story. Sometimes I look, sometimes I don’t. I pretty much know my regular followers. Once in a while I get some random ones based on the hashtags I use.
Guess who has been peeping my stories?
He hasn’t been there for months and months. Gosh, maybe the last time I saw his name was April or so?
I figured he would look once and then go back into hiding, but he’s been looking every day now.
I don’t feel anything about this other than the curiosity I generated to write this post. I have no desire to reach out to him or speak to him. I assume my little bird box prompted him to look at my profile.
Doesn’t matter much. He will see a different person and a lot of positivity. He can pat himself on the back that I’ve recovered from him. I hope it makes him feel better for what he put me through.
And if it doesn’t, I don’t care anymore.
It’s taken way too long to get here and feel this ambivalence- but at least I’ve made it.