I am planning, actually planning, my first ONS.
Of course I’ve had many, as you know. But I’ve never been intentional about it. And most of the ones I’ve had, I end up feeling like crap when they don’t call the next day.
Because I expect too much out of the gate.
I realize I can’t keep functioning the way I have been. I get attached too easily and look for connection where there is none. So I made, what I consider, a logical decision. Stop looking for Mr. Right and find Mr. Right Now (with a little help from KDaddys comments!).
I acknowledge I can’t find Mr Right Now with a man I’ve already identified as a Mr Right. As much as I want to have sex with Mike again, I really would want more from him.
As I’ve been meeting/chatting (online) with men I find attractive, I realized I was eliminating any man who didn’t fit the long term potential. It occurred to me that if I just changed my thought pattern, maybe I could get where I needed to go in two different ways. To have sex, potentially great sex, with no strings attached AND still keep looking for my Mr Right without becoming a nun in the process.
As much as I hate to admit it, I attract hot, fit men (let me add, hot and shallow oftentimes). Men who wouldn’t have looked twice at heavy me. And men who are *most likely* going to get hugely turned off by my bodily imperfection. They see an nice wrapping with no clue what’s under the covers. It took a while to realize this but, I don’t have to give a shit about what they think because I’m not planning to stick around for seconds. It actually gives me a chance to be a bit more confident. I can consider this practice.
I decided to give it a try. Saw a random hot guy I knew would never be a potential Mr Right and matched with him. He’s flying in from CA for 2 nights and I meet him Wednesday night.
I sort of want to warn him about the wounds since this is such an issue for me. But I know it shouldn’t matter. I have to learn how to manage a mans reactions and potential questions about the wounds instead of completely avoiding my reality. Sometimes I wonder if the wounds would be less offensive if it wasn’t for all the excess skin around them.
I think I found a work around at the moment. A sort of garter belt without the hose.
As long as I can keep it on, you can’t see the wound. I don’t think a ONS would care if it’s on or off as long as they are getting fucked.
As strange as this sounds, I’m a little nervous and hope I don’t back out!