He’s Definitely Not for Me

For anyone that assumes I’m overly conservative, I hope this post reflects differently.

I am not prejudice. I do believe all people should be allowed to love whomever they want and and exhibit their identity in any way that makes them feel comfortable. Humans are humans regardless of sexual orientation, religion or skin color. To think of a human being, in my humble opinion, any other way, differently means you are biased.

Is it ok to be biased? I don’t think so and my values guide me here. This post is specifically about a conversation around sexual identity that pushed me over the edge with Rob2. Some of you have commented that you couldn’t be with people of differing political opinions and this probably falls into that camp. However, it was much less about his opinion than his inability to see he was prejudiced.

If you choose to be prejudice – I say own that fucker. Don’t hide your values. Speak your truth. No one needs to agree with you and the people that don’t agree also don’t have to interact with you if they choose not to. Don’t pretend you are not homophonic when you are. Back-pedaling on your values is bullshit in my opinion. I lived with a man for 22 years who did that and now claims he’s the most open minded person on the planet, while still cracking racial, ethnic or religious jokes. I call bullshit.

Ok, anyway, back to Rob2.

After our date we kept in touch and he called on Saturday morning from the beach. He asked what I was doing for the weekend. So, I told him “blah, blah, more blah and then going to a large Pride event.” His reaction was instantaneous and definitely surprising “Wait! Are you gay?” A pause. “or bisexual?” Another long pause. “I mean I think I have a right to ask that.”

Why did those questions bug me? Because he immediately assumes going to a Pride event was sexually related. How sad you don’t know anything.

First off buddy, no you have no right to ask that because we’ve been on two dates. Secondly, what a douchebag! Because I choose to participate in a Pride event you immediate correlate that to me being gay? If I go to a black Pride March or to an Autism event – am I black or autistic? Does it matter?You stupid ass.

I am an Ally. The rest isn’t any of your business. He didn’t even know what an Ally was.

I was literally about to tell him that I didn’t think it was working out right before this question, but my fire was lit and I was going to see it through.

Now he had to prove his point so he moved on to a poor analogy. He started with “I used to be homophobic and biased but Ive learned I HAD to accept it”. His language was getting worse by the minute. I paused an politely said “you are still those things if you feel you HAVE to accept it, as if accepting it is your right.” He was inflamed by this response and I got a 20 minute long speech that I didn’t understand what he was saying and “of course all people need to learn to accept change” while he focused on his argument being over the word ACCEPT.

My debate wasn’t over the word accept. My debate was his reaction and then his actual wording of “HAVE TO ACCEPT”. You don’t have to do anything if you own up to your values. And if you think you “HAVE” to accept another humans choice of sexuality or sexual identity then you are, simply put, homophobic.

He used an example of a postman delivering mail on one side of the street for 20 years and a different postman on the other side. His postman gets fired and the other postman now needs to deliver on his side of the street and service is not the same. But he HAS TO ACCEPT this change. My only reply to this inane analogy was “that’s not about a human life”.

So he compared it to our country in the 50s when white people HAD TO ACCEPT black people. Ummmmm wtf dude.

The entire idea of inequality due to sexual orientation or race is wrong from the beginning – and YOU, dude, don’t need to ACCEPT anyone and can go on your merry fucking way. No one is oppressing you. His final clincher was comparing his need to accept others and the impact that acceptance had on his life to being oppressed himself.

I was done. He was arguing the ridiculous and he was forcing the argument on me when I said multiple times “let’s drop this.”

So let’s drop what the argument was about. I can tolerate a difference of opinion. But here’s what I couldn’t tolerate:

1. He asked me if I was gay straighten up – and stated he had a right to ask.

2. He argued til he was out of breath.

3. He told me I shut him down and wasn’t Listening to his defense.

4. He backpedaled and changed the argument to the word “accept” which wasn’t where the disagreement started – but he was so busy defending himself he didn’t hear me clearly state it was in his wording.

I don’t actually know if I’m expressing this quite the way it happened because he was so blind and I was tuning him out mostly. He was debating with himself.

And then, of course (as he’s done this multiple times with sexual innuendo) he says “I’m sorry if you think I’m being difficult, I really don’t care, I’m just arguing the other side of the point because I love a good debate”

The Pride Parade was fabulous. The happiness, positivity and joyful vibes made everyone feel good. You couldn’t help but be happy in these throngs of strangers hugging one another and enjoying the scene. I’m so glad I went and participated. Watching our world change for the better is amazing and it’s incredible how far we’ve come, yet still sad how far we have to go for basic human rights.

This dude didn’t understand that’s what Pride is all about, love is love and everyone deserves their god given right to express their sexuality however and with whomever they want.

I didn’t expect to hear from him again because I think he got the hint I was disgusted with him.

I blocked and deleted him. See ya’

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

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