The Woes of Internet Dating

I’ve been dating on line for going on 5 years. Yikes. I realize I’ve become “one of them.” The people you see online forever and wonder why they are still there. Maybe you should stay away from these people because they are clearly not relationship material? Yup, I bet that’s what some men think of me.

But I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here to entertain myself with some juicy repetitive and hysterical internet dating behaviors.

Some of these behaviors are just a mystery to me.

The idea of internet dating is to put your best foot forward and sell yourself in a few photos and perhaps a short bio. This would leave an intelligent person to believe that photos should be recent, clear and single person head shots.

Nope.

You get alllll kinds of awful first photos. Photos of old photos already framed (dudes we can see the reflection, we know). Photos so grainy it tells us either you are hiding something or you don’t know how to take a photo (hello 2019). Group photos where we don’t know which one is you but there is that one really good looking guy (turns out, it’s never you). Photos of your kids. This one really, really disturbs me. I understand your a family man, but I’m not dating the kids. I actually don’t even think it’s acceptable to put young children/teens on any dating site, never mind photos of just the kids without you. Just weird. But, I think my all time favorite photos are the college photos, or perhaps your all time favorite photo of yourself from 20-30 years ago.

Why?

Just why?

I don’t care how good looking you are 20 years ago when I’m dating you today. I want to see a clear photo of you TODAY.

Some examples:

Next up, filters. Ok, everyone uses them today to tweak a photo and I bet women are even more notorious for it then men. But, generally speaking, when a man does it he has no idea how to use the filter and virtually eliminates all signs of aging and makes himself look like a portrait.

Case in point:

The angry man. They actually don’t belong in online dating anymore. They’ve had enough and probably need a break because writing out your obvious displeasure with previous dates makes everyone else NOT want to date you.

And it’s not that we haven’t all been through some bad dates, but the point is: best foot forward. Who will you attract by being negative first?

Grammar and spelling. Yes. It’s a big deal. Use it.

I also always believe that the ones who write “no drama” are clearly the ones who attract the most drama.

You know how I feel about a man taking care of a bill on the first date. I am not an equal opportunity dater, and I never will be, period. But this guy advertises his displeasure. He also doesn’t really want to leave his house – so cheap and boring?

This is just funny but it happens – check your photos boys – you never know what’s in the background. Lots of men don’t crop out the old girlfriends hands etc. This ones for giggles:

If you do decide to write to someone, maybe try not to lead with sex? This is one of the creepier notes I’ve gotten and it’s even creepier because it’s so serious:

Politics. I bet I can write an entire post and there will be some that ONLY read this part. I’m moderate leaning towards conservative. But because I live in a metro city I’m surrounded by very, very loud and outspoken liberals. Which pretty much means that anything I think or feel is wrong. Period. It’s reverse discrimination here. I don’t think it belongs in a dating profile – it’s fine if you say liberal, conservative, middle-of-the-road, But there is no need to start with all the angry Trump terms. It’s a turn off. Even to the liberal women I know. It’s rampant here because it’s become so divisive. These particular ones speak to Trump directly which is different than the ones that state “no conservatives” (couldn’t find any of those today). It’s making the conservatives now write “no socialists”. Just ugh. My point is, leave the politics to a discussion.

Now, my all time favorite thing to see in a post is: I don’t live in my mother’s basement. For those of you who know, my x is moving in with his mother (into the same time) shortly. While I understand his reasons, it disgusts me and just reminds me how glad I am to be away from him. He has learned to justify his lack of drive in every way possible, but this takes the cake. What kind of example are you setting for your children?

To prove my point (to myself), I started collecting profiles that stated something about living at home – it’s clearly a “thing” as I’ve collected dozens. Men don’t respect other men who live in their Moms basement, no matter what the reason. My guess is other women don’t respect it either if the men feel so compelled to write it in a profile.

Honestly, this is just more entertainment than anything else. I don’t contact or interact with these men because, in my opinion, something is off if they feel the need to do/say these things. I feel like they have a chip on their shoulder.

My first impression needs to be: are you attractive to me? Are you taller than me? Is there something in your profile I can identify with? Basic matching criteria. If I’m dating you and you want to show me your college photos and tell a story, that’s great. If we speak and you want to tell me your an invested father, and talk about your kids, that’s great.

But guys, please, let’s stop trying to fool everyone.

There are plenty of good profiles that don’t have to be pages long, just enough to spark interest:

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

8 thoughts on “The Woes of Internet Dating”

  1. This actually had me laughing! I can remember the very early days of online dating and it worked quite well; people were more than willing to be open and honest about the type of person they were and what their requirements were… until someone found the loophole of being on the Internet – being able to do all kinds of things and do them anonymously… including being bullshit artists. We call it catfishing today and it’s a common practice and one that makes it difficult to weed out the people who are genuinely and seriously looking for someone from the millions of assholes out there who just like fucking with people, getting their hopes up, and dashing them upon the rocks.

    And unless you had some really special tools and knew how to use them, you can’t find out who that person really is, where they really are in the world, etc.. Online dating comes with an unspoken caveat: You pay your money, you take your chances; maybe that really interesting girl or guy is the real deal, and maybe you’re dealing with an asshole or cunt… or a fake profile generated by the app/site itself that’s designed to not only get your attention but, in a lot of situations, require you to plunk down some money for “premium access” or some other kind of perk that’s supposed to make your online dating experience that much better.

    And you still wind up dealing with all kinds of shit – and you’re paying to be shat upon. Because the Internet allows anyone to be anonymous, people can and will do and say whatever they want because they know that, again, without some special tools and skills, you’re never gonna discover their true identity… or their true intent for doing what they’re doing.

    Pictures… it’s not like people routinely have updated pictures of themselves. Sure, you can take a selfie and add that pic to your dating profile but, um, there are some folks with sophisticated cell phones with cameras and either don’t use the camera or doesn’t know how to switch to the front camera to do the selfie thing. Then even if you have pictures of yourself, what would be the best pic to put on the dating profile? Whichever looks good.

    Then you get subjected to “I want what I want and the exact way I want it” which means you can find yourself looking at all kinds of crazy-assed shit, from whacked-out requirements to idiotic political statements to profile information that doesn’t tell you much of anything, are so poorly written that you think a 3rd grader wrote it, so on and so forth.

    THEN when you can literally have millions of people – real or not – to choose from, you just might run across that profile that pushes all of your good buttons and show interest… but the person the profile belongs to has become so disillusioned with online dating that they’re probably not even using the app so they don’t know that someone is interested in them or, by the time they find out someone is, the interested person is in the wind, too.

    Does it work? Yes, it does… if you have the patience and perseverance to wade through the bullshit. When I got divorced from my first wife, I checked out that new eHarmony thing that almost guaranteed results… and went through a couple of hundred profiles/matches, had a lot of dates that, amazingly, was more about women looking to get laid than finding a partner (not that I was complaining about that part) but, nope, couldn’t find/meet that one woman I could partner with and the day I decided to shut down my eHarmony account – and because a lot of the women I matched with said they weren’t interested in meeting anyone for any reason but kept their profiles active (and women wanna know why men think they’re insane?) – I got a message from that one woman who did, indeed, wanted more than just getting laid.

    The thing is, it took me just over a year to run across her and there were many days where I’d get an email about a potential match… and I’d ignore it because, outside of getting laid, man, were there a lot of crazy women out there including one who said that she loved everything my profile said about me… but if I was taller than 5’8″ – and she was going to verify my height – then I wasn’t the man for her.

    I ran into some “fake” profiles and fake like someone created a profile for some unsuspecting woman who couldn’t understand why she was getting emails from eHarmony since she didn’t sign up for it and wasn’t paying the then $45/month fee for premium access… and some of those women were happily married. Yet, the “phony” profiles remained active – maybe it was really a “fake” or girlfriend categorically denied that she did, in fact, put herself out there for some reason. I don’t know and after a while, I didn’t give a fuck and just kept looking and getting laid big time, something that even I found surprising given how funny women can be about giving up the booty.

    Welcome to the cesspool and ongoing clusterfuck that is online dating.

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  2. I still say politics are important when deciding who to date but perhaps class is important. I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a male who voted for Trump because of his obvious antowoman stance and everyone seeming to think it’s ok. Most of the time I could care less of someone is conservative or not. However, it can be discussed more personally.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t disagree about Trump in particular however people vote for a party as much as they do for a person. And if people don’t believe in the Democratic party or person (or the other smaller choices out there) they are getting demonized for voting for Trump. That’s my point.

      And, as a conservative, I don’t give up my values that I live in my life everyday.

      It’s really, for me, much more about the extremes everyone is going to these days. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and justifications and rarely do I get involved or allow it affect me. But now that it’s so obviously extreme, people are getting a bit out of line IMHO.

      Of course I knew putting politics in this post would negate the entire rest of the post for many readers – but it was just another example of how difficult and ridiculous online dating is.

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      1. Everyone is definitely too extreme. I have values I am extreme on but as far as politics, they are all pretty much dishonest crooks turning us against each other. If you really feel anti Trump (as I am) I am probably going to find out if you like adore him in 5 minutes of talking. Some things don’t need said, you can figure it out.

        The 20 yo pictures is so common it’s annoying.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. And what is with the bathroom and car selfies? I don’t need to see your gym’s urinals and I prefer a man who has enough energy to actually get out of his car and find and maybe stand in front of some trees or something. Better yet, show me the selfie you took on a hike — that would get my attention!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yassssss!!😂. Anything is better than 5 different selfie photos with the same face and angle. I start to wonder if 1-they have friends 2-if they are that vain that they love their face so much 3-if they leave the bathroom?! 😂😂

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