This is How a Big Girl Takes Getting Dumped

Maybe I have put on my big girl panties or maybe I knew they weren’t the right fit, either way I had two “break-ups” within the week.

I met a nice guy, Tom, had a great fun date and he was a super amazing kisser, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was not jiving for me. Since I’ve learned that when a man is interested he will pursue, I held back and waited. He would engage and then not follow up. I didn’t put much stock into it because there was something off about his whole story and he wasn’t communicative enough for me.

I went down to the beach to visit my cousins and we were going to a fun bar with a great band that night a week after that first date and we had been texting back and forth. He made a comment I was having fun while he was bored, so I invited him. It was a long drive for a short night and my cousin offered for him to stay. We had a lot of fun singing and dancing at the bar but I was already mostly drunk by the time he arrived. My cousins liked him and he fit in well. When we went back to the house I invited him to my room and then (I didn’t know this until the next morning) I stripped down, asked him to go down on me (he declined) got my jammies on and crawled into bed. He wrapped me in his arms and we fell asleep. He was a great cuddler. I vaguely remember stroking his cock.  One thing I can say in hindsight: I should’ve been embarrassed, I wasn’t.  And, although I was drunk, my wounds didn’t even cross my mind, so there’s that!

He had to leave early for work the next morning so we had a good laugh about my behavior the night before and he insisted he was taking it slow and being a gentleman. I’m telling you, it’s not that I didn’t believe him, but it still wasn’t settling right with me.

He was very communicative the next few days then disappeared again. This time I sent a text to ask if he was disinterested just to let me know. He came back with a call and text to ensure he was absolutely interested just trying to get his life settled (again parts of his story were not lining up for me).

Two days later he called and sent a text that he was “out” and had been lying to me about his situation with his x-girlfriend. That he was still drawn to her even though they had broken up and he had seen her that week.

When he started to tell me more than I wanted to know about his situation with her I cut him off with a polite, “thanks, you’re a great guy, it’s too bad, take care.” Deleted his text messages and didn’t look back.

Was I bummed? Yes. He met a bunch of my criteria, especially because he was funny. I knew I sensed a rat all along though, so my instincts are right on. Thank you, next.

A few days after that I received a text from August – quite a long text – apologizing for his lack of consistent communication and letting me know he settled into his new apartment and was surprised to find that he was having a great social life locally, and although I was a fabulous person, I just lived too far away and he didn’t want to deal with that. I sent a text back that said “Good luck” and deleted him as well.

I’m not happy about either of these two because it feels like I just can’t seem to find a match and that causes me to miss Tony. Then I find myself overthinking about Tony and it’s really hard to pull myself out of those negative thoughts. I literally have to keep repeating to myself that I will find the one for me in my time. These men were not the ones and I already knew that but it did stink to hear it twice in one week!

It also creates a little flurry of dating site activity and then I get frustrated by the lack of worthwhile choices. Is every man 5’8″ or living in the city and doesn’t want a woman outside the city? I don’t live on mars and I work in your city, why not give it a shot?  Then there are a bunch of men who refuse to talk before meeting and I have learned my lesson the hard way with this -I won’t do it anymore.  I am really trying to be flexible lately, but flexible within guidelines that feel comfortable to me and where I don’t waste my time meeting someone I haven’t made any connection with (this is very true of men over 55 for some reason).

The feeling of rejection is minor, I expected both August and Tom not to work long run, but wouldn’t have minded some dating.

In any case….next. 🙂

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

10 thoughts on “This is How a Big Girl Takes Getting Dumped”

  1. I think you’re doing the right stuff. I went for supper with a friend and her dad yesterday, and he proceeded to tell us he was going to write a book about how women should find men, and how to get them to behave… and how he started dating women 5 years younger than him- 50s, and then moved to women in their 30s because most of them hated men less. Um… yeh. Let me read that fucking bag of wind when it’s done. How about we stop raising men as boys and stop allowing them to be assholes. People are so dumb

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so jacked up on ‘I’m tired of lazy boys. Path of least resistance has no juice for me. I work at all of my life, relationships should be included in that. I am not doing all the work myself’ which…. currently has me completely alone and listening to way too much country about women who hate men, and men who fucking adore their women. Where are those men. Sign me up for an actual man. Someone who wants life to matter, who wants to pary, to joust verbally and mentally and (sigh) physically in the good way… they don’t exist? Just behind a mic, singing to someone else.

        Liked by 1 person

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