Had a fun date with Duke about two weeks ago. Day drinking in the city is a favorite activity and he chose a great, low-key bar. Traditional, perfect, quiet and most importantly unpretentious.
I met Duke on Bumble. He is a handsome Irish/Italian guy, a bit out of my traditional “type” range but still quite handsome. A bit slim for me – I have always been attracted to fuller men, manly men. In my opinion, very European – he showed up dressed nicely in his scarf and cap, and vest.
While not exactly initially appealing, his personality grew on me the way Tony’s did – I was thankful to see this happen again as it means (somewhere deep inside) my requirements are adjusting to what’s below face value. That’s good, right?
We sat at a local city bar, both of us had evening dinner plans, and passed 3 hours or more chatting and laughing. He’s super interesting, uncommon I would say, and had great stories. Plus, the Irish brogue was hot!
During the conversation, each one of us asked the other if we matched our photos, profile and expectations. He said he was very pleasantly surprised by me because I was prettier in person, had a genuine smile and was definitely interesting. He mentioned that he found my responses to him to be disinterested – he didn’t feel I was really engaged in meeting him.
He’s not wrong. My guard is up all the time now in these initial conversations. One wrong move and *boom* I’m over you. I’m sick and tired of the probing sexual questions from men and he hinted at that a tiny bit on the phone so I probably shut down. I supposed that can come off as disinterested. I do feel more disconnected than ever from the dating world – the round robin of matching, texting, speaking and meeting is a lot of work over and over and over again.
I was glad he said it. It made me write this post about being scared. It caused me to pause and think on my behavior. He may have caught disinterest but, in hindsight, I realize it’s much more about my fear of moving forward and being vulnerable. I am keeping everyone at a distance I can manage because I still feel the pain of Tony too keenly and because I will need to share my story, if I am being honest, when we get undressed.
I am definitely in a very weird place in my life: entirely uncomfortable with myself….so how can I be comfortable with someone else?
In any case, the date ended and we left the bar and stepped to the side to kiss. A perfectly good kiss that encouraged more but didn’t get heavy. I wasn’t exactly excited but had the feeling I wanted to explore more. He asked me out again and we decided to take it to text to make our next date.
I left feeling like the date was a success….until his text started later that day into the next.