Over Before it Started

Don’t talk politics. It’s a key tenet of dating.

But when someone asks, I am honest.

I have republican values for the most part. But I live in reality and have just as many democratic values as well.

What I don’t do well with are extremes, especially liberal extremes which are rampant where I live. So much so, you can’t have a conservative thought without being penalized. That’s like a reverse discrimination.

But, lately, what I find with the state of our country is that if I do much as say I’m conservative the assumption follows that I am Trump supporter. That’s unfair and incorrect. Secondly, my opinion is a valid as the next persons opinion. Because that’s what it is – my personal opinion. I don’t actually get involved with many political discussions as I don’t know enough to hold a strong argument. And here, on the east coast in a major city, I am penalized for NOT being entirely liberal. Which is fascinating to me when that is simply another form of discrimination – don’t they see that?

I was chatting with a man for 2 days via text, getting along very well and he brought up something tax related that I agreed with. Then he mentioned something Republican and I said I understood because I was fiscally Republican.

Here’s how that went down:

And that my friends was the end of that.

The speed at which Erik from Bumble determine my worth as a dating partner because I don’t believe in free health care for all was fascinating to me.

He is right, if he is so immovable and inflexible in his opinions, we are not compatible.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

27 thoughts on “Over Before it Started”

  1. I agree with him as well. I could be friends with you, but I couldn’t date you based on your opinions. I live in a very conservative Indiana and I am mainly liberal and I know politics as I was going to be a politician but didn’t make it through school. I don’t believe in gun control. That’s it. My mom is a conservative. Living in Indiana I love many conservatives. Being highly political I want to be with someone who has similar political beliefs and passions. He isn’t wrong. Maybe had he met you you could have been great friends but for dating, if it means a lot to him, you’re not compatible.

    Are you immovable and inflexible with your beliefs? If you really believe it? I think most people are.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Actually I’m quite flexible and have changed my opinions over the years as I have developed more wisdom and knowledge. I am also very understanding of others opinions regarding religion and politics.

      My main point here being that he is intolerant when he claims he is fighting for equality. The extremes of politics these days are polarizing.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. One’s system of belief is what it is; it has weight but maybe shouldn’t be given as much weight as some folks tend to give but, then again, there’s a reason why politics is one of the things you shouldn’t have conversations about. When you date someone and with the intention of maybe being able to spend a lot of time with them, everyone brings some baggage to the table, some of it cool and exciting, some not so much. Given how difficult it is to get women to agree to a date and how much more difficult it is to be able to get into her panties, I wouldn’t be of a mind to DQ a woman just because of her political views because at the end of the day, any verbal battles over ideology will, ultimately, trash any chance of being together any longer than it took to ruin that chance.

    So ya keep your political views to yourself. Even among friends, the moment they start yapping about Trump or some other politician that gets their goat, it’s time to push the conversation in another direction or, failing that, I just don’t have anything to say about it, that and I really don’t give a fuck about politics, plus I’m pretty sure there’s something a lot more interesting about you than your political views. If they do come up, just agree to disagree or even as I’m prone of doing, just tune it out.

    Seriously, there are more important things a man and a woman can do other than to fuss and fight over something neither person can do anything about… unless they’re working on becoming President or a Member of Congress. Otherwise, um, let’s talk about going somewhere so we can be more… personal, shall we?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think politics can be important depending on how important as a person the beliefs are to you. This is an example. If you are like M fiscally conservative, perhaps someone can see and understand that, but if you think the grab em by the pussy is funny and I’m a complete feminist, there is a good chance it’s incompatible. In younger couples prolife vs prochoice could be important later. Between friends it doesn’t matter so much. But in a relationship where you can’t get away from it and it’s always there, it could be an issue.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I do agree with all
        You said, but once people meet and establish a basis for a relationship (ANY relationship) to determine if the human is worth getting to know or not. Most of my friends are far left liberals, as well as one of my children. We love each other no less for our choices.

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      2. Yes – it is important… but should it be so important that a potential relationship gets aborted because of differing views? One’s views speaks to someone’s view of things, what they think, what they know or are aware of and that’s fine. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but if I’m trying to get with a woman so we can be together and all that, sure, her political leanings should be noted because they’re just as much a part of her as anything else can be.

        I just don’t think those views should be used as a stick to beat each other with and, honestly, if you’re trying to snag a woman to be in a relationship with her – or to even get in her panties to be a bit more blunt about it, the last thing I’m gonna throw on the table is her political views, nor am I going to let her views overshadow the other things about her that are of interest.

        I understand compatibility all too well but, again, given how horribly difficult it is for people to find and establish a relationship with anyone, why would anyone use politics as a determining factor in establishing commonality and determining compatibility? And more so when you know that even the slightest difference of opinion will kill any chance of getting together for anything? I know it’s probably just me but I’ve never, ever, made a decision about who to interact with at any level and based on their political views. They have them, I have mine, can make for some interesting – and hopefully civil – conversation… but you can bet anything you care to that I’m not trying to get with you because of political ideology and views. At best, it’s a divisive topic of discussion, just as religion is and even this is given a great deal of weight where compatibility is concerned when it’s been proven over time that, uh, there’s a reason why you don’t have conversations about that either unless you like getting into arguments about it.

        The thing is that if you’re gonna use political views as a measuring stick for compatibility, are you not setting yourself up to fail since, let’s say, you and I are going to disagree on a lot of things. You’re a feminist and, honestly, I don’t even know what I think about that… but I wouldn’t reject you because you’re a feminist even though I’m sure I’d probably agree with some stuff, disagree with other stuff, or have no opinion at all. What you want is someone who will acknowledge your views and their importance to you… but if you and I don’t share those views and in the same way, does that mean – should it mean – that we can’t be an item? Sadly, that’s exactly what a lot of people think and believe and it usually leaves them sitting by the side of the road and continuing to wonder why they’re all alone and when they don’t wanna be alone… and all because of a difference of opinion over politics? Are you (not you) saying that we can’t working on discovering the other ways we might be compatible and find other points of commonality because we have differing political views? Seriously?

        I get it but I’m the guy who’d question whether or not it’s worth ruining what could be a good relationship and, by the way, “Grab ’em by the pussy” is not even funny in my opinion.

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      3. kDaddy that was exactly my point to Erik “measuring compatibility in a relationship against one text about political beliefs” is ludicrous and extreme. But I live in a metro city where, these days, you better be liberal otherwise you might as well be dead – which I think is irrational and unfair.

        It doesn’t belong in the dating arena at the start. Long term, sure of course, but I also know for a fact this man doesn’t go to soup kitchens on the weekend. People love to preach without practice.

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      4. It is irrational and I agree that it doesn’t belong in the dating arena. Yes, it is important for both people to express their views on a whole lot of things but be smart enough to understand that your views are your view and I may or may not agree with them… but that should disqualify either of us from finding out if we can do more than just date. I’d be more concerned that you’d kick me to the curb because I’m not 6’3″ than for my views on politics!

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      5. I’ll add this: You, Morava, and I are, in fact, having a bit of a political discussion… about discussing politics – and I’d still date either one of you despite whatever we might disagree with. See, it’s just not about discovering how compatible we might be – it’s commonality – what things do we have in common with each other and having a political view is a point of commonality – just one we might not wholly agree on and now it’s just a matter if we’d let a disagreement overshadow or disregard the other ways we might be compatible and the other things we may have in common. And ain’t it weird that we accept that opposites attract… except when it comes to this particular thing?

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I wasn’t saying you thought grab em by the pussy is funny, I know nothing of your political beliefs, and even as a conservative you still may not agree or find it funny. It was a you as in “you”

        Liked by 1 person

      7. That was me letting you know that I didn’t think it was funny and I still don’t. I don’t know if I’m conservative or liberal; I’m a registered Democrat but I’ve sometimes voted for Republicans. What does it mean? And if I were trying to date you, should it be a stumbling block between us since, um, there’s a hell of a lot more about me than my politics?

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  3. There are some issues that we hold with rational conviction, and some with emotional conviction. Holding everyone’s perceptions to be valid *for themselves*, if we feel that someone’s political beliefs are harmful and hurtful, and/or against our ethical or moral code, it’s hard to just put that out of mind. I am careful to say that a given person’s perceptions are valid “for themselves” because I absolutely do not believe that we can assert to someone else that their beliefs are harmful unless they are acting on them in a harmful way. This is dangerous and illiberal, if you ask me (pick up Jonathan Haidt’s “The Coddling of the American Mind” for an interesting read on that). But, we can have our own private discomfort with someone’s beliefs, and that is valid reason for not wanting to further invest in a personal relationship. The way this guy said it was actually respectful. He didn’t tell you your views were wrong. He simply said that he didn’t agree and that for him, it’s a deal-breaker. That being said, as someone who is liberal/progressive about social issues, left-of-center on fiscal and geo-political issues, I am highly concerned about our society’s increasing intolerance to fraternize with people who share different political beliefs, and further, for a “call out culture” that says that beliefs and ideas are unsafe. I am always curious to engage with someone who isn’t politically aligned with me as long as we can have a civil dialog. In this guy’s case, his low tolerance for people around people who weren’t in lock-step with his views is his loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very well said! Better than I did! Yes, I was trying to basically say I am ok with all/any beliefs and I also understand that all/any beliefs can be dealbreakers. But such judgement on a text shows intolerance in my opinion, when the person is claiming ultimate tolerance for all groups. I think it’s so sad and so difficult these days to be safe in different political opinions based on the current status of our country. I really appreciate your reply

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I work at a University that has been ground-zero for ridiculous three-ring circuses of free-speech tests, both the provocative troll-clowns who come here spewing hate and the illberal reaction people here have in response. It makes everyone look bad. I am so sick of this kind of intolerance. What happened to “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me?”

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The Hunter and I are on different ends of the political spectrum. We have often agreed to disagree. There are some topics that simply have to be off limits between us or treated very carefully. The other day he said that he was anti-abortion — first I had ever heard that from him. I asked him why he didn’t think women should have a choice when it comes to their bodies. He replied because the woman has no rights because she is a vessel…..I walked away from that one…..

    I will say that over time when your beliefs are so different, it does wear you down. I think there has to be some compatibility or at the very least, civilized dialogue recognizing the opinions of the other.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. I don’t think I could have ignored that comment. For me personally I couldn’t do it so most the time people saying things like “the baby isn’t given a choice” as long as theyes believe babies should be cared for after as well, doesn’t bother me…..but to say I am just a vessel to my unborn child….ouch.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I haven’t read all of the comments but here is my two cents as it relates to dating and relationships… I haven’t ever eliminated someone based on which political party they support. Especially if we can have intelligent discussions about policy. However, there are some belief and value systems I find repugnant – and so, yes, if someone I’m dating (or potentially dating) holds those beliefs then those are non-starters for me. I need to be with someone who is aligned, because it’s important for how we will make life decisions together and how we see the world. And I believe strongly in my role as a citizen of the world and support for my fellow countrymen.
    But with Trump? For the first time ever, I’m sorry to say that support of a specific political figure is a red flag for me. He is such a polarizing figure for many people. From my perspective and from those I’ve spoken to, those who support him support a world view so fundamentally opposite to my own that I know I cannot be in a serious relationship with them.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree with Your comment about POTUS but I still don’t think before We met I wouldn’t consider the fav I don’t believe in socialist medicine a dealbreaker. Extreme politics rubs me the wrong way and this guy was clearly extreme.

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      1. Well, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think he was that extreme, based on you calling it “socialist”, since the US is the only highly developed country – out of the top 50 – without universal healthcare. Those political leaders against it use the term “socialist” as a fear mongering tactic that works on those afraid that the US will lose its “American values” of independence and other things. I suspect that this could have been one of those topics where he drew a quick conclusion that your value system won’t align. Perhaps he’s not extreme, just very principled? Which won’t work for you anyway so it’s just as well…
        P.S. I tried to write this comment in a way that will avoid a political debate, since I know you and I are misaligned and it’s best to not talk political beliefs 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Fun read

        To add, the US is best at right first time care – which specially impacts me and that’s where I stand. All other countries lag behind. They are also best at most cancer care. Again, a personal impact for me. I am not begrudging American citizens opportunity for free health care, but my option is heavily biased as a medical marvel. My costs for health care and taxes are already so very high, I can’t imagine paying more for the millions of people who don’t have insurance today.

        So I agree let’s not talk about political beliefs because so many of them are wrapped into personal experience.

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