Another Questionable First Date

Craig and I connected on OKC and had an easy back and forth. It was light and simple.

We spoke on the phone and had a lovely conversation.

Why wasn’t anything getting me excited?

He was handsome, tall, built, successful, divorced and older kids. Seemingly emotionally available.

He chose the place we would meet and arrived before I did and secured a good seat at the bar. I found him quickly and assessed he looked better in person. He’s also super physically fit for 55, six pack abs and all! He claimed 6′ and I had worn 4″ heels, and I felt taller but he wasn’t short, just maybe not 6′.

A few things went wrong quickly on the date, but not so bad that the date went sideways, just enough that I couldn’t get traction with getting to know him and get a feel for his personality.

Problem 1: the bartender never approached me when I sat down and nor did Craig seem concerned if I had a drink. After a solid 15 minutes I tried to get a bartenders attention. I finally said something to him and about 25 minutes into the date he realized he should be getting a drink for me. Not a great way to start – makes me generally assess how he cares for others.

Problem 2: the bar was cute but the acoustics were so horrible I could not hear him unless I bent my head forward and out my ear to his mouth. Obviously on a first date this is tough. He’s got my hair in his mouth and I can’t see his facial expressions as he’s talking. It only got worse when the band came on. Again, great little band, the acoustics in the bar just stunk.

Problem 3: why hasn’t he asked me any real personal questions? Nothing about kids, x, job, or friends. Didn’t mention any thing about his family, friends or work either. I did prompt but the answers were always ….best described as canned. I couldn’t get a handle on him at all.

Problem 4: we ate a basket of pita chips before he said “I should have asked you if you wanted something to eat?” Yes, that would have been nice but I just carb loaded beyond my normal no-carb rule! Again, makes me wonder how he cares for others.

Problem 5: religious and ethnic jokes. Now, a joke well told is a joke well told. But when you don’t exactly know the recipient, perhaps you lay off on particularly derogatory ones? He told multiple religious jokes, and ethnic joke and at least 2 political jokes. I didn’t laugh. I actually didn’t get the punch line in any. I wondered why he kept trying.

So the date went bobbing along, never really gaining any traction in my opinion. We walked out together. I had to suggest he walk me to me car. And then he didn’t know what to do so he kissed me on the cheeks. I turned my lips up to him and I got a peck on the lips as he turned away. Over my shoulder I watched him realize his own faux pas but kept getting into my car. He text as soon as he arrived in his car: I should have kissed you goodbye.

Yup. At least see if there is a potential rescue in this date.

He keeps referring to himself as a wolf and uses the 🐺 emoji in text. When you don’t know someone that comes across quite strong, in my opinion. He does not strike me as a wolf in person in any respect but I suppose it’s how he sees himself?

He tried one or two more jokes by text and I asked him if “he liked religious jokes?” He didn’t try again. Since the date all he texts about is kissing me. Nothing about getting to know me.

He is divorced almost 5 years, same as me. When I first asked if he dated he said no, but at the bar I questioned this again and he said not seriously. Again, I just wasn’t clear with his replies and he seemed to shy away from personal info.

Craig is traveling for business now for a couple days and I said I would see him when he returns. As I’m writing this post, I’m wondering why I would bother.

I feel a general lack of interest for him and he’s not especially engaging.

Dating is so much fun. Really helps one get out of a major depression! 🤣😂

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

12 thoughts on “Another Questionable First Date”

  1. Wow, this guy was pretty inept. I dunno… some guys get married, get divorced but never seem to get back into dating mode and I think it’s because you get used to being with that one person for x-amount of time and the dating protocols aren’t needed during that time so one’s skill set goes by the wayside.

    As I read this, I was saying to myself, “I wouldn’t have done that…” a lot. Like going to a noisy bar on the first date? A definite no-no; how are you supposed to get a conversation going if you can’t hear each other? Guys should always keep their dating skills sharp because you never know when you’re gonna get lucky and a woman will say, “Sure – I’ll go out with you!” Ya might not get lucky but if you have your shit together, you just might get a second date.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Another thing is… women. Do you let the drive the date or are you supposed to be all old school and dictate how the date is supposed to go? And if you didn’t think to ask her before the date how she likes to be dated (and I’d ask that question), then you find yourself in a kind of limbo; you don’t wanna offend her in any way but without realizing that if you do nothing – or you’re late with suggestions – you’re gonna look like an idiot even when you’re not so idiotic.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think today it’s a bit of a balance. That’s why it is important to speak before a date. If a guy is all “let’s just see if there’s chemistry” and have drinks, I read that as “I’m not that interested in seeing if we are compatible before checking out your assets”. Maybe I’m wrong, but dates without prior conversation never go well so I avoid them.

        If a conversation goes well, there’s a bit of prior discussion about expectations in dating.

        If any man is interested I have always found them demonstrate curiosity about me and my life.

        This guy hasn’t asked any of the right questions. He keeps talking about kissing. It gets a bit boring.


      3. It just makes sense; kinda silly to ask a woman out and not know there are things you are expected to and well as picking the right venue(s) for the evening. Bars are fine… but after being somewhere that allows you to talk to each other without resorting sign language. If you show little or no interest in who she is, what she does to keep busy, etc., well, you’re an idiot.

        And kissing becomes a moot point when you failed to kiss her when you were expected to kiss her.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. On to the next one…..he’s not for you. Even if he’s bad on dating etiquette (i.e. choosing a noisy bar), basic common courtesy demands that he attends to his guest by getting you a drink, asking if you want something to eat. Seriously, those are normal social cues no matter dating or not.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. and that’s his “good” manners because he’s meeting you for the first time. The wise Maya Angelou was right, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

        Liked by 1 person

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