How Do I STOP This Ridiculous Obsession?

Writing because the only reason I can think for feeling such apathy today is because of that damn wedding ring photo?

Right? It must be.

I don’t want to move. I don’t want to get off the couch. I have slept poorly two nights in a row. The only positive is I can’t reach out to him to start an argument or any trouble. Both he and his wife are deleted from my phone.

Why, why, why! Do I obsess like this after all this time. It’s going to be 1 year in April since I’ve seen the man. 2 years in April since I’ve know he would stay married. I am angry with myself. I want to change and every time I think I make progress I manage to bang right into a brick wall. Head first.

I do feel sick with grief in an odd way. Not crying, but entirely apathetic.

What can I do? How does this stop?

I have seriously thought of going to get hypnotized (does that work?) or a lobotomy. I cannot seem to pull myself from this gutter.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

13 thoughts on “How Do I STOP This Ridiculous Obsession?”

  1. Dearest Madeline, at some point, one has to realize that all they’ve been doing is beating a very dead horse and that it’s time to cut your losses and move on and no matter how painful doing so will be. Nothing is forever; we all love and lose repeatedly through our lives and maybe we’re just gluttons for punishment but we always seem to attain love, lose it, go through grief and anguish over the loss… then do it all over again.

    I know women hold onto this longer than men do but a lot of people just resolve themselves to remember only the good times they had with the love they lost while keeping the bad moments as far away from their active memory as possible. I think about the great loves I’ve had and have lost and it still hurts and since I’ve got this aversion to emotional pain, I just think of those good times, how it made me feel, how it made differences in my daily life.

    Then I sigh, shake my head, and keep moving forward… because that’s all anyone can really do. If you are aware that this obsession is making you cray-cray, ask yourself why you feel a need to do this to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so patient with me and I do appreciate you 😘. I know it’s useless. I tried to discover why I allow myself to dwell and obsess and literally cannot come up with a reason that makes any sense.

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      1. Dare I say that you have more important things that require your attention? That, you know, being a woman and all that, you can bat your eyes at a guy and get his attention… and any time you want to? I know what your requirements are and know you’re gonna stick with them no matter what but is this not a case where sticking to your guns just didn’t work out the way you expected it to?

        Ya can get what you want and find that it wasn’t as good as it should have been and can cause you more issues than never getting it. And that should make one think about a few things including how much stress you place on yourself over obsessing about something that, when ya had it, it was damned good… but it’s gone now and, oh, yeah, you can replace it again with any man of your choosing.

        And methinks if you’re gonna obsess over something, perhaps it should be how you’re gonna find that next guy who’ll be able to make you feel the way you need to be feeling, hmm? I happen to know that you can find one; maybe he hangs around long enough, maybe he doesn’t – shit happens – but there are still lots of fish to be caught and had.

        So choose: Do you obsess over what was… or does it sound and feel better to “obsess” over what might happen tomorrow?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all have days of 2 steps back. Resist the impulsive Trixie and do something nice for yourself instead. Instead of freaking out about how you are still obsessing, re-frame it into how long it has been since you have obsessed over him. You are doing great. Go exercise. LOL.

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  3. I don’t know. I wish I knew but as a habit I still read his wife’s stuff and see how his ex is. Strangely I don’t check his and now I can say there is only curiosity and no other feeling but I still do it and feel pathetic for doing so. I won’t publicly admit how long it’s been.

    My curiosity isn’t limited to him or people in that situation. I tend to hang on to everyone and everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s interesting. I checked Bobby’s wife IG for a long time for its entertainment value. But Tony has blocked me from any possible social media and hers are closed. There isn’t even much to stalk so it takes me more time to look for something.
      I also feel pathetic and embarrassed which I why I write the post. I feel so awful having to admit it.

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      1. I did for years (feel ashamed) but it doesn’t help. Being more open and honest helps, you will talk through it, and we both its off kilter but I don’t think we’re crazy, just hurt and looking for something. In my case I genuinely like her and think she is interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

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