Keeping on Track

I set some small goals for January and wanted to check in to see how I was doing:

Work

Review and edit my resume and social profiles: completed, waiting for the final resume from the resume writer

Make a list of contacts and actively begin a search: did not do

Utilize outplacement website and webinars: did not do

Ensure all job search sites are set up properly for my searches: did not do

*Major fail in this area. If I am not working by Mach 1st we have a serious financial issue.

Personal

Choose an exercise to stick with and develop a routine: thought about it every day and did nothing.

Learn yoga or meditation: forgot I even set this as a goal. 

Create 2019 calendar: done. Disconnected from the family calendar so x can no longer see anything of mine unless it specifically affects him/kids.

Migrate addresses and birthdays to phone: started, not completed.

Give Keto eating a try: done.  2 weeks in and working well. I feel an energy boost and added mental clarity.

*Not a lot of improvement. I cannot get the exercise going and believe me I do have 10 minutes a day.

Finance

Remember unemployment Monday’s: I forgot last Monday 😦

Submit bonds for processing: done. Though with the shutdown this may impede and access to funds I was hoping for by February 1st.

Sort out S1 and S2 school immediately: done.

*Somewhat better achievement in this area, except if I don’t sort out the job part soon, money will be a huge concern.

Home

Deep clean: bathroom floors/grout: haven’t given this a second thought.

Put away Christmas decor: done.

Help son rearrange bedroom: when he’s ready, otherwise, I am not pushing.

Purchase rug for basement and mop floors: haven’t given this a second thought either.

*I realize how much I don’t want to care for my home anymore. It feels overwhelming and huge. Every time I look around I see dollar signs. I no longer get the joy from the home I used to, but it is a lovely family home we all feel comfortable in.

At the end of the day, I have zero motivation. Every step I take requires major energy drains. It feels like all the strong has been sucked out of me for good.

I can’t figure out this new me….I can’t find what’s going to give me the push I need.  In 51 years I have never been so wholly unmotivated and directionless.  And, what scares me most is the sense of being devoid of feeling.

Therapy is this week and it will have to be the last session until I’m employed.  I’m going to try to keep writing though.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

9 thoughts on “Keeping on Track”

  1. It is great that you took some time to review your goals. I can definitely relate because I set January goals, but for the 1st half it felt like I was doing the opposite. The 2nd half has been a little better and I think what has helped me the most is sticking with a morning routine. I used to dread waking up, but now it helps me get into an upright position and jump start my day. I hope this will be a good week for you!

    ❤ Alana

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Some immediate thoughts here. I look at your categories and immediately create a kind of hierarchy of function. Some categories deal with basic functioning (health, diet), some deal with higher-level functioning (working, financial planning), some with mid-level functioning (keeping house clean and organized). It doesn’t surprise me that you CANT tackle the high-level functioning stuff until you feel solid about the stuff that precedes it. In other news, you first need to feel physically set. Then, the basic mental stuff. Then, take care of your house, your dependents (which includes setting limits, like dealing with the calendar, or trusting that your kids can take care of some of this stuff themselves). Until this stuff is taken care of, its going to be hard to really tackle the job and financial stuff with clarity and stamina. That doesn’t remove the pressure of having to do it, but maybe it can allow you to be more kind and compassionate towards yourself. The fact that the nutrition-part of your task list is going well is fantastic, especially that you are seeing results. Expect that to help you tackle the next level of tasks, and so on and so on. This post reads to me as good news; glass half full, my friend.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Nicht, this comment is exactly the reason I love blogging – gaining perspective! Thank you my friend – that makes so much sense to me and I didn’t even see it that way!

      Now that you’ve framed it that way for me I can see that when my day starts with a small tasks that I can “just get done” without thought, I somehow end up doing more tasks than I realized. One small steps creates the energy to take larger ones.

      Which makes me think I need to tackle some of my list in smaller pieces than I have been doing so far.

      Thanks so much for this nugget of awesome advice! ❤️

      Like

  3. The fact you’ve accomplished some of your goals is cause for pride and celebration. Hey, none of us are perfect. I procrastinate terribly, always have, but I stopped beating myself up over it long ago.

    Focus on the most important stuff; in my humble opinion, finding a job. You know you’re doing great with the diet and your boys are settled, so set the next goal to be financially secure. You would be a valued asset for many employers, now get out there with your beautiful new body and find your path. Undoubtedly you’ll feel better once you’re busy.

    Liked by 1 person

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