The Night Before

I flew cross country and found my way to the meeting point. There were 4 others coming to the hospital today.

I’m not very friendly so I didn’t chat right away but eventually everyone sort of laid it all out there.

The hospital is very clean but a bit weird. I’m on a floor entirely alone until just a bit ago when someone came down in the room across from me.

The nurse did a check in for all of us and then brought us to our rooms.

Beyond that, I’ve only seen the maid who finally brought towels.

I walked around to find out where the nurses were and got myself some jello and apple juice.

I am having some kind of anger thing over Bennett so I wrote a letter to his wife and stuck it in my email. I still haven’t decided if I send it or not. I’m truly trying not to think of him at all. I try and focus but I am alone, scared and unhappy and my thoughts naturally go to him. I think I’m mad because he’s not here for me.

I am watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix and about to take my last sip of liquid in my full belly. Then I plan on a Xanax and Ambien to sleep. I have no idea what awaits me in the morning.

I really want to move on from him, I do. There’s a part of me that hopes I’m in so much discomfort this week that he isn’t on my mind at all. And then my focus must shift to myself.

Please let his grip release. I’m so weak from it.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

2 thoughts on “The Night Before”

  1. Glad to hear you arrived safely and are checked in. I imagine that at this time, major things are happening! I’m glad you had the courage to write about your revenge fantasies. In doing so, you’ve given us a chance to hold you accountable. Please do not initiate contact with Bennett’s wife. The only productive thing that could come of this would be that you would so permanently burn that bridge that the choice would be made for you; there would be no way that you could ever engage with them again, and at this point, that’s a good thing. But, I urge you to take the high road. Concentrate on yourself. Each time your thoughts go to Bennett and his wife, you are neglecting yourself. Please put that focus of attention on yourself.

    Liked by 3 people

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