I flew cross country and found my way to the meeting point. There were 4 others coming to the hospital today.
I’m not very friendly so I didn’t chat right away but eventually everyone sort of laid it all out there.
The hospital is very clean but a bit weird. I’m on a floor entirely alone until just a bit ago when someone came down in the room across from me.
The nurse did a check in for all of us and then brought us to our rooms.
Beyond that, I’ve only seen the maid who finally brought towels.
I walked around to find out where the nurses were and got myself some jello and apple juice.
I am having some kind of anger thing over Bennett so I wrote a letter to his wife and stuck it in my email. I still haven’t decided if I send it or not. I’m truly trying not to think of him at all. I try and focus but I am alone, scared and unhappy and my thoughts naturally go to him. I think I’m mad because he’s not here for me.
I am watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix and about to take my last sip of liquid in my full belly. Then I plan on a Xanax and Ambien to sleep. I have no idea what awaits me in the morning.
I really want to move on from him, I do. There’s a part of me that hopes I’m in so much discomfort this week that he isn’t on my mind at all. And then my focus must shift to myself.
Please let his grip release. I’m so weak from it.