Letter to the Wife

Bennett’s real name is Tony. I’ve debated putting the photo of the both of us up my Facebook or IG and let that sit for a while.

But I wrote this rambling letter instead.

Tony’s biggest worry is the destruction of your family but I doubt, knowing what a good mother you are, you would pull your children into this adult mess. Your family unit is obviously strong and I admire what you’ve built. But you’ve both allowed the marriage to fail and I made the mistake of believing Tony actually wanted to move his life forward, with me.

Kelly,

There is no appropriate way to tell

You what I am about to tell you because it’s horrible to hear. I can only give the reasons I am doing it for myself, and certainly I already know you don’t care about my reasons. But I suppose you should have some context. No matter what I say this letter is viewed as being sent with malicious intent. I’ve spoken to Tony about this letter at length many times and he said he would be the one to tell you. Did he?

Before I start, I will get one thing out of the way: I am foolish and heartbroken. I believed that somehow our affair would be different from any other affair. I believed we were soulmates and he would eventually be with me. He stated many times we were meant to be, there was no other answer for the way our lives collided. I knew I was wrong for a long time and didn’t accept it. In doing so, I have subsequently allowed this affair to destroy my life and affect my family. I know it has affected Tony as well but he has protected you and your family. I am sorry for being so stupid. I am sorry I believed your husband could leave his family to love me for the rest of his days. You couldn’t possibly call me any names I haven’t already called myself. I valued my love for Tony and my belief of him more than I valued my self worth. I believed he was my true love and I was so very wrong.

I have been in love with your husband for over 2 years. When we met our connection was instant and unreal. He called it being struck by lightening. He thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he needed to meet me. He once said the world was all black and white around me and it was like I was living color. He said he was never truly himself until he met me.

I never experienced love, attention and commitment the way Tony demonstrated for me. I suppose I was so starved for attention, and his type of attention was extreme, that I made the fatal mistake of believing his words and actions.

For a very long time, almost a year, I believed in our fairy tale. I believed Tony wanted to be with me, he had told me many times about seeing our lives together, how deep his love for me was and how he had never felt the way he felt with me before. Of course, now I realize, he was fooling himself about the foundation of your marriage and the reality of his life, and I know you have a great life….. I know almost everything there was to know over the period of the first two years. He was never leaving your marriage, but he wanted to believe he could for a while. And during that time, I started to believe he was my “one” that soulmate we all look for. He believed for a while, too. We shared an intense kind of love for a time. The love I developed during that time has consumed me and is the primary reason I am writing this letter. I am so broken and have literally become unhinged from reality because of this affair. This is no excuse. It is my only truth, I have lost all sense of reality.

Its none of my business but he should be honest with you about the past 20 years of deceit. He’s cheated on you since almost the very beginning – at Anthony Poggolis wedding while you were right in the hotel. At Daniels when you were not around, multiple times. On business trips to LA or Madrid etc. At corporate Xmas parties. He even played spin the bottle with one of his friends in a hotel in Chicago. It happened multiple times In front of his brothers and friends. His buddies seem like a tight group that sticks to the man code and not tell on each other and their “excursions”. His brothers, his friends, and especially John knew all – but I suppose since his wife is your closest friend and she took her husband back, that Tony felt he could be honest with him. His xboss did a little lingerie show for him while you were pregnant and he’s been to several strip bars and made out with the girls there. Because he loves to kiss. Super bowl weekends. The stories are many and he considered them harmless. But they stack up over 20 years. His reasons are that you are not interested in sex and you make it too complicated for him. You make him feel bad that he struggles instead of actually participating in sex and enjoying it. When he tells you about these stories he will describe them as silly, petty, uneventful incidents. He couldn’t cross the line of having sex with these women, so it didn’t really count as cheating in his mind. He will tell you I am exaggerating. He told me it’s in his DNA to cheat and he’s never been faithful and probably never will be. That I was the only woman he was very sexually faithful to. Is that true? He hasn’t had sex with you since 2011? Not even so much as making out? And that wasn’t a massive red flag for you? He swears by this but I can’t imagine anyone being so foolish as not to take a closer look at her husbands behaviors. Tony is an amazing romantic and fulfilling lover – why in the world wouldn’t you admire and want to please someone who so obviously has such a hug sex drive?

When he met me people commented how happy he looked all the time but you didn’t notice?

In hindsight, while his cheating was wrong, he did hide it from you and kept a stable marriage. He did right by your family as a provider who was upset with his wife for staying home while he struggled. He always said he liked your story and that’s what your relationship was built on – a great story and the kids. He wanted his parents life, he wants to recreate what he had growing up. It wasn’t until your relationship with Mancini that something snapped in him.

He told me the last time you had sex was the summer of 2011 at a baseball tournament somewhere in a hotel with the kids in the bed next to you. He claims he tried for years to get you to pay attention to him and you rebuffed him multiple times. That you refuse oral sex which he loves. That you wouldn’t even hold his hand. That you made jokes with your female friends about not touching his cock because that’s where he urinates from. He tells me there is no physical or emotional intimacy between you for years because you don’t like it and when I met him he believed you no longer even liked him. He said you were never really interested in sex from the start. He also told me you don’t really have a life and little thought in your head beyond children so he couldn’t connect with you emotionally. That changed when you cried after he told you he was unhappy. It was the first time in years he realized you cared about your life with him.

I found out later he was on Bumble, Zoosk and Tinder attempting to meet women. He forgot to take his profiles down after meeting me. Or maybe he didn’t take them down on purpose and it’s all a lie. After all, if he cheated on you for 20 years it only makes sense he was always lying to me.

He told me, and blamed me, for the text you received. I did not send that text. But he was on dating sites and I was embarrassed enough to have a friend of mine find him there. I still have the photos. He claims that he has “needs” so that’s why he cheats. He blamed you for not understanding that marriages require intimacy so he felt entitled to cheat. Because you don’t concern yourself with fulfilling his needs, he masturbates and watches porn several times a day/week. When I met him he felt he was entitled to cheating. He claims he never had intercourse with any of these women before me.

He said the final straw was your “affair” with the baseball coach. He was sure he caught you doing something in a park when he was GPS tracking you. Now he doesn’t seem as concerned that you cheated on him because he’s lost his desire for you – but back then he was still horribly jealous of you. I believe he still is jealous but he claims he no longer cares. He claims your turning into your mother and it’s unappealing.

We spent so many wonderful nights and days together. I have never been so happy. He said he never felt more alive or more like being himself than he was with me. He told me you two didn’t speak, that you had no brain activity other than the kids. He said you cost him several good friendships from the neighborhood and couldn’t keep girlfriends. Of course I believed all this in the beginning but then realized it’s just his way of hanging on to the past and harboring stupid things. He told me you stole money from him before you were married and he never believed you after that. He told me either a few times You got so drunk when the kids were little that It disgusted him. He told me you are turning into your mother and it was the biggest turn off ever. He was mad you insisted on buying a house so soon after his father died. He never forgave you for not helping him through his fathers death. He has always been angry that you stopped working. He claimed you stole money while you were engaged. All these things – I see in hindsight – was just Tony creating excuses for not fixing your marriage. Both of you allowed it to fail in the intimacy department. Maybe you did or didn’t have any affair (I’m guessing you didn’t) but it gave him the excuse he needed to feel righteous about cheating.

When I heard all this the first time, it seemed like there was enough in your marriage to make him unhappy. That he wasn’t lying.

But he was lying. Not only to me but himself. I see now that you have a civil and caring relationship. Maybe there is no intimacy but you are a working couple with a good life and because I never had that, I didn’t understand the foundation of your marriage is a partnership. You have a very tight family unit but he claims he two of you have zero intimate emotional or sexual relationship and it would have made him miserable to live like that the rest of his life.

Last April, right after your 18th anniversary, was when he finally had the courage to speak to you about how unhappy he was in your marriage, because he was about to lose me, your tears scared and surprised him. He assumed you would be angry and throw him out. He even hoped maybe you were having an affair with someone else because you were not having sex with him. He realized he was not ready to leave the family and soon after told me he was unable to leave you because you would be unable to care for yourself and his family is his responsibility. He claimed you would never manage anything on your own because you can’t figure anything out, even the simple things like the kids school. He realized after that conversation he wasn’t ready to leave the family or your marriage. We subsequently had a terrible and horrible Summer compared to the summer before when we fell deeply in love.

The following year was not good for us as your marriage began to improve in its communication. We had several break ups before we got back together at my insistence. Unfortunately I am broken and weak and don’t want to live without him, even though he never was and never can be mine. And now he longer wants to be. So that’s my other reason for writing. I can’t fathom the man who told me all the things he did and treated me the way he did doesn’t want our relationship any longer. I can’t believe the things he promised me can just disappear into thin air.

So writing this causes the final break between as I know he will never forgive me for hurting you. He knows only one of two things happen – you stay or you go – and we all know you stay. You are not the type to leave. You are too weak alone. And you have him. Not matter what I outlined above – I was willing to take your seconds – so who could judge you for staying in whatvappears to be the happy perfect life? You will be angry and hurt for a while, but just like he said, you could never leave the life he provides for you. You like your life too much to let an affair ruin it, just as your friends have managed through it – so will you. And as weak as this sounds – my intention isn’t to hurt you but to hurt him – but I’m not foolish enough to think you don’t end up as collateral damage here. I am sorry for that. In my own way I have no desire to harm you or your children ever. He believes you will tell the children and ruin their lives as well. I claimed no mother would ever do that to their children – share adult marriage problems – but he insists you would do it to hurt him and ruin their image of him and his role as father, protector and provider is the most important thing in the world to him. From what I know of you, because he shines nothing but positive light on your mothering, you would never bring your children into this mess. What’s the point of hurting your children for the damage he’s done when you won’t leave him anyway.

You will believe, or not, anything I have written. He will tell another story. Of course you will believe him over me. He has this super amazing memory but I have every text, email and photo he’s ever shared with me for two years. He can tell you any version of the first year he wants – because his memory is so perfect – but I have it all in writing. I believed him when he told me he could never love anyone the way he loved me, that he always wanted to be loved the way I loved him and wanted to love someone as deeply as he loved me. He loved me so much he couldn’t contain himself. He cried with me all the time and showed the depth of his feelings. I spoke to him every minute of every day. He sang to me and recorded for me. I was as much a part of his life as an affair can be. He told me everything. We shared every part of our lives that an affair allows. He didn’t experience any sexual problems with me except nerves in the beginning. Our sex was amazing and we had a lot of It. He worshiped my body and I worshiped his. I slept on his arms in his chest all night. He would lie awake at night to watch me sleep and breathe because he was so in love with me. He sang me the most beautiful love songs and always included a special quote when he sent my flowers. He knew my favorite foods and drinks and would cut my food and feed me. He held my hand everywhere we went and couldn’t stop kissing me.

I wrote a blog during the time we dated and I have a record of virtually all the things he spoke to me about. He can claim he never told me that our future was together: sitting on the porch in rocking chairs – that I wasn’t just the next chapter but the next book. He believed in us. But he can say differently now.

He shared his life with me for two years when it wasn’t his to share. He was giving me leftovers and I understand how that looks from your point of view. But I’m not claiming to be some proud marriage wrecker. I fell so deeply in love with a man I shouldn’t have that I no longer have a will to live and raise my own family. I can’t function anymore and my children are paying the price of a depressed mother and it scares them. I am destroyed and have no self worth. I admit I am a completely broken and terrible person for doing this. I am all the horrible things going through your mind. I am sorry for dropping to this level but I have lost all control.

Tony was my life and love. Tony has been at my home many times and helped me with everything, met my children, visited at work, met my friends and showered me with love, flowers, dates and gifts. He was very good to me emotionally the first year – and he learned to let go where I could not. He helped me get my job and supported me and gave me advice through many things with work or the kids. He was my partner. He was the first and only man to show me what love should truly look like and how a partner should behave.

People think I have so much but I have nothing without Tony. Unfortunately for me, Tony doesn’t feel that way – he feels he has nothing without his family intact. He made that decision last year and we spent a year trying to establish something else that never worked. I know how pitiful all of this is. I know I have no self respect and self worth. But when he loved me, I had everything I ever dreamed of and I don’t know how to let go of that dream without just quitting my own life.

Tony can’t stand me like this: broken and pathetic. He only likes when I ignore my actual feelings because he is able

To compartmentalize his. Is that how you do it? Do you avoid him when he gets stubborn?

I am sorry this letter is cruel but how else do you know who you are married to? I can’t blame you, I still love him and would take him as he is. But if you are staying married, you should have fair

Playing ground.

I’m open to criticism and suggestions on the letter. I do not know what happens. Maybe it dies on the blog. MAybe not. But I had to get it out of my head.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

21 thoughts on “Letter to the Wife”

  1. I have only read about 2/3 of this. Wow. It’s quite the letter. You know what I am going to say, let it live and die on the blog. If you are carrying all this stuff with you, it was a productive exercise to write the letter, and you let us hold you accountable by sharing it. You go deeper into some topics in the letter than you ever could on the blog. That feels productive. You know, though, that you can’t share it with her or with him. If you do, there will be consequences that not only harm them irreparably, but they will come back to harm you, and by extension, the people who depend on you. You state in the letter the connection between your fragile mental/emotional health and how it has compromised your ability to be all there for your other loved ones. The nuclear devastation that sending that letter would create would only set you back further. I don’t know what to say, M. Because if you are this fixated on telling her, it isn’t anything that your well-intentioned friends on the blog can keep you from doing. I am hoping and praying that you wrote this letter primarily for yourself. It does succeed at giving you an outlet, at organizing your thoughts. It lets you lay them out in a way that you can now perhaps properly grieve the relationship. But, do not send it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Completely unrelated, it is good to see your picture. I give to sh*ts about Bennett, but its good to see you. You are indeed beautiful. The smile is a big part of it. That smile is yours, not his. You create your own happiness, and you will figure out how in due time.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You probably won’t like what I have to say but what the hell, I start chemo Monday and just had most of my hair cut off in prep. Plus I always speak my mind.
    Try to understand this: Tony is not your life. Okay, you had a wonderful time together and loved each other. Why are you taking any of this out on his wife? So what if they have a loveless marriage?????? He could have (and still could) end it any time. Why blame her for this weak dude’s unhappiness? I think it’s so mean and cruel of him to have told you all that shit about her and led you on to think “someday” he will leave her and we will have our happy ever after!
    IMHO he is a weak loser who may be the world’sgreatest lover but who cares? He was NEVER going to leave her!!!!!!! EVER! And that is why he is one screwed up SOB because it was heartless to lead you on.

    I hope you can stop thinking you’re crazy, unhinged, broken, etc etc etc on and on and on… because you’re not. You are beautiful and strong and for God’s sake it was only two years out of your life. Move on with your new fierce gorgeous self.

    Let him wallow in self loathing with his frigid wife forever. They deserve each other! You, my dear, deserve MORE!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. He’s a cheater and she deserves to know. Pull all your heartbreak out of this. Thats not for her and makes you look crazy. Cut it by 80% of the text this is way too long and repetitive. This is to ensure she knows what’s up, and is staying with him if she really doesn’t give a shit about his cheating ways.

    Leave the facts and corroboration- the info about friends and brothers. Main message is he’s a turd who fucked with your head for 2 years and more and she’s been under his spell and thumb for the whole time. But don’t make this about commiserating with each other. She won’t get that, won’t hear that, won’t be able to deal with it. It will bond her to Bennett because they will talk about your lunacy.

    State the facts- he’s on dating sites. She should get tested. Include a short paragraph about how he claims she rebuffs all sexual interaction. Those are lies about her, she deserves to know how he justified his wandering for 20 years. If they were partners, it would be fair for her to know all this info. If she is an appliance to him, he thinks it’s fine to not involve her in this decision because he uses her to keep his family life running. And you were his mistress appliance. You fed his heart fire and allowed all his passionate fairytale feelings. And he probably had a porn appliance or god knows who or what.

    Ugh. Make sure you’re sending this for you and her to be free not you in some weird effort to fuck up his life to break his house so he might come running. Because that won’t happen and you just come off as a crazy soap opera character who is pacing in front of the couch with a highball glass and 3 pm cocktail

    Liked by 4 people

    1. In response to creativerational’s response. As a matter of due diligence, I very strongly recommend against you following this suggestion right at this moment. I would go further to say, do not follow it at all, but that is your choice to make. Creativerational’s argument is that you do this as an act of service to Kelly – that Kelly deserves to know. Whether or not she does, her interests are not the priority right now. You’re are coming out of surgery. Your body has been split open and something very invasive has happened to it. As a matter of life and death, you have to put all of your focus on you, on healing, and thus on creating a stable setting for yourself. Any energy you put on a third party, whether its out of revenge or justice, is energy you take away from yourself. If you are at all tempted to follow her advice, please wait until you are physically healed from the surgery. It is simply irresponsible and even injurious at this point to prioritize anyone aside from yourself.

      Liked by 6 people

      1. This makes perfect sense to me, but I have found when people write these kind of letters, they… fixate on them. So if she decided to send it, I think it’s fair to have feedback about it anyways. But yes- self care’s probably best to be The priority

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Madeline,

    I dont know if you remember, but about two years ago i asked for your feedback on a post/letter i wanted to leave for Dawn. You rightfully called me out on a few kinda mean things i had in it, as well as some passive aggressive comments i made.

    You told me:

    “If you loved her as much as you say you do, the best thing you can do it write a letter of all the wonderful and brilliant things she brought to your life and say thank you and goodbye.”

    I took your advice to heart, and significantly changed what i had wrote, despite how much i was hurting inside.

    Dawn contacted me just before last christmas, and i shared what i had wrote with her. From her response i had obviously touched her heart, and she seemed to understand just how much she meant to me.

    Because of you i removed anything that was hurtful, and showed someone important that she would always have a large soft spot in my heart.

    So i am asking you to take your own advice…

    “If you loved HIM as much as you say you do, the best thing you can do it write a letter of all the wonderful and brilliant things HE brought to your life and say thank you and goodbye.”

    Anything else will just end up hurting everyone (including you), and is a waste of energy that you should be using to help get yourself healthy.

    So please stop focusing your energy on someone who isn’t worth it, and focus it one someone who is worth it.

    YOU!

    Liked by 7 people

  5. Tony’s biggest worry is the destruction of your family but I doubt, knowing what a good mother you are, you would pull your children into this adult mess. Your family unit is obviously strong and I admire what you’ve built. But you’ve both allowed the marriage to fail and I made the mistake of believing Tony actually wanted to move his life forward, with me.

    Kelly,

    There is no appropriate way to tell

    You what I am about to tell you because it’s horrible to hear. I can only give the reasons I am doing it for myself, and certainly I already know you don’t care about my reasons. No matter what I say this letter is viewed as being sent with malicious intent. I’ve spoken to Tony about this letter at length many times and he said he would be the one to tell you. I don’t trust that he did and I would want to know if it were me in your shoes.

    I had an affair with your husband for two years. I was in love with him, thought he was in love with me but when I wanted more than an affair and he taked to you about being unhappy, he said he couldn’t leave. Our affair ended *insert date here*

    There is more.

    Madeline Harper
    Madeline Harper

    17
    9
    Letter to the Wife
    2d ago
    cruel love letter to wifelost lovelove
    Bennett’s real name is Tony. I’ve debated putting the photo of the both of us up my Facebook or IG and let that sit for a while.

    But I wrote this rambling letter instead.

    Tony’s biggest worry is the destruction of your family but I doubt, knowing what a good mother you are, you would pull your children into this adult mess. Your family unit is obviously strong and I admire what you’ve built. But you’ve both allowed the marriage to fail and I made the mistake of believing Tony actually wanted to move his life forward, with me.

    Kelly,

    There is no appropriate way to tell you what I am about to tell you because it’s horrible to hear. I can only give the reasons I am doing it for myself, and certainly I already know you don’t care about my reasons. But I suppose you should have some context. No matter what I say this letter is viewed as being sent with malicious intent. I’ve spoken to Tony about this letter at length many times and he said he would be the one to tell you. Did he?

    Before I start, I will get one thing out of the way: I am foolish and heartbroken. I believed that somehow our affair would be different from any other affair. I believed we were soulmates and he would eventually be with me. He stated many times we were meant to be, there was no other answer for the way our lives collided. I knew I was wrong for a long time and didn’t accept it. In doing so, I have subsequently allowed this affair to destroy my life and affect my family. I know it has affected Tony as well but he has protected you and your family. I am sorry for being so stupid. I am sorry I believed your husband could leave his family to love me for the rest of his days. You couldn’t possibly call me any names I haven’t already called myself. I valued my love for Tony and my belief of him more than I valued my self worth. I believed he was my true love and I was so very wrong.

    I have been in love with your husband for over 2 years. When we met our connection was instant and unreal. He called it being struck by lightening. He thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he needed to meet me. He once said the world was all black and white around me and it was like I was living color. He said he was never truly himself until he met me.

    I never experienced love, attention and commitment the way Tony demonstrated for me. I suppose I was so starved for attention, and his type of attention was extreme, that I made the fatal mistake of believing his words and actions.

    For a very long time, almost a year, I believed in our fairy tale. I believed Tony wanted to be with me, he had told me many times about seeing our lives together, how deep his love for me was and how he had never felt the way he felt with me before. Of course, now I realize, he was fooling himself about the foundation of your marriage and the reality of his life, and I know you have a great life….. I know almost everything there was to know over the period of the first two years. He was never leaving your marriage, but he wanted to believe he could for a while. And during that time, I started to believe he was my “one” that soulmate we all look for. He believed for a while, too. We shared an intense kind of love for a time. The love I developed during that time has consumed me and is the primary reason I am writing this letter. I am so broken and have literally become unhinged from reality because of this affair. This is no excuse. It is my only truth, I have lost all sense of reality.

    Its none of my business but he should be honest with you about the past 20 years of deceit. He’s cheated on you since almost the very beginning – at Anthony Poggolis wedding while you were right in the hotel. At Daniels when you were not around, multiple times. On business trips to LA or Madrid etc. At corporate Xmas parties. He even played spin the bottle with one of his friends in a hotel in Chicago. It happened multiple times In front of his brothers and friends. His buddies seem like a tight group that sticks to the man code and not tell on each other and their “excursions”. His brothers, his friends, and especially John knew all – but I suppose since his wife is your closest friend and she took her husband back, that Tony felt he could be honest with him. His xboss did a little lingerie show for him while you were pregnant and he’s been to several strip bars and made out with the girls there. Because he loves to kiss. Super bowl weekends. The stories are many and he considered them harmless. But they stack up over 20 years. His reasons are that you are not interested in sex and you make it too complicated for him. You make him feel bad that he struggles instead of actually participating in sex and enjoying it. When he tells you about these stories he will describe them as silly, petty, uneventful incidents. He couldn’t cross the line of having sex with these women, so it didn’t really count as cheating in his mind. He will tell you I am exaggerating. He told me it’s in his DNA to cheat and he’s never been faithful and probably never will be. That I was the only woman he was very sexually faithful to.

    If you want proof I have it.
    ********

    The rest is not things she needs to hear. Tony’s feelings, your feelings, and things said about feelings. I left some in there so she doesn’t see you as a monster.

    Like

  6. I messed up, first bit

    Tony’s biggest worry is the destruction of your family but I doubt, knowing what a good mother you are, you would pull your children into this adult mess. Your family unit is obviously strong and I admire what you’ve built. But you’ve both allowed the marriage to fail and I made the mistake of believing Tony actually wanted to move his life forward, with me.

    Kelly,

    There is no appropriate way to tell

    You what I am about to tell you because it’s horrible to hear. I can only give the reasons I am doing it for myself, and certainly I already know you don’t care about my reasons. No matter what I say this letter is viewed as being sent with malicious intent. I’ve spoken to Tony about this letter at length many times and he said he would be the one to tell you. I don’t trust that he did and I would want to know if it were me in your shoes.

    I had an affair with your husband for two years. I was in love with him, thought he was in love with me but when I wanted more than an affair and he taked to you about being unhappy, he said he couldn’t leave. Our affair ended *insert date here*

    There is more.

    Its none of my business but he should be honest with you about the past 20 years of deceit. He’s cheated on you since almost the very beginning – at Anthony Poggolis wedding while you were right in the hotel. At Daniels when you were not around, multiple times. On business trips to LA or Madrid etc. At corporate Xmas parties. He even played spin the bottle with one of his friends in a hotel in Chicago. It happened multiple times In front of his brothers and friends. His buddies seem like a tight group that sticks to the man code and not tell on each other and their “excursions”. His brothers, his friends, and especially John knew all – but I suppose since his wife is your closest friend and she took her husband back, that Tony felt he could be honest with him. His xboss did a little lingerie show for him while you were pregnant and he’s been to several strip bars and made out with the girls there. Because he loves to kiss. Super bowl weekends. The stories are many and he considered them harmless. But they stack up over 20 years. His reasons are that you are not interested in sex and you make it too complicated for him. You make him feel bad that he struggles instead of actually participating in sex and enjoying it. When he tells you about these stories he will describe them as silly, petty, uneventful incidents. He couldn’t cross the line of having sex with these women, so it didn’t really count as cheating in his mind. He will tell you I am exaggerating. He told me it’s in his DNA to cheat and he’s never been faithful and probably never will be. That I was the only woman he was very sexually faithful to.

    If you want proof I have it.

    Like

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