The Start of a Journey

Here I am at the airport. I am nervous as hell. What if this is one big mistake?

My track record for surgery sucks but I am willing this to be different.

I need this reset.

I cleaned my closet and got rid of clothes I wasn’t wearing (fat or not fat, they should have been donated). I pulled out two dresses I could never fit into …. they were my goal dresses in early 2016 and I never made it to my goal.

Here are my stats:

I am 5’8″

Heaviest weight pre 2014: 255 lbs

Starting weight: 213.6 lbs

Weight today: 206.1 lbs

My goal weight is going to be 145 lbs. I haven’t weighed that since the pregnancy of my 3rd child in 2002.

I have fought weight my entire life. Up and down. I was about 124 lbs the day I was married in 1994. It was the only time in my life that anyone ever said I looked too thin. I struggled at 130 lbs but held 140-150 lbs for many years through my 20s and early 30s. It was the only period of time my weight semi-stabilized.

It’s too easy for me to gain weight and at my age now, too hard to lose.

I don’t need to be skinny but I need to drop these last 65+ pounds from my body for good.

I do worry about dropping shoes sizes since I have a precious shoe collection! And I’m worried about my boobs dropping too much. I am super busty with a 38H.

So let’s see how it goes. I fly into San Diego today and transfer to Tijuana for a hotel overnight. Then my surgery is scheduled for Friday morning. I can feel myself shaking but that could also be coffee withdrawal!

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

8 thoughts on “The Start of a Journey”

      1. No, my wife and I are enrolled in a medically supervised weight loss program associated with a local hospital. We drink their shakes, puddings, and protein bars throughout the day and have a regular dinner.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Good luck, M. You have this! Try the meditation exercise of sometimes just tuning into your physical environment; what do you see? What do you hear? Birds, buildings, street signs, shop signs, cars, freeways, distant conversations.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Please be careful in TJ. Out of everything you’ve ever posted about- this one freaks me out the most. Please say you are staying in the nicest hotel in TJ (if there even is one)? Order room service- do not leave and wander around. It’s a total shithole and no American woman should be wandering the streets there.

    That said- please, please keep us posted. I’m a worry wort 🤷🏼‍♀️. Hope everything goes according to plan and the surgery is a success for you. xx 😘

    Liked by 1 person

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