Boring Boredom


I have tried so hard, so very hard to be positive this week.  I have done at least one positive thing every day.

I just wish I could focus forward.

My resume is done and polished, and contacts made. There isn’t a lot you can do every day for a job search, but I do something almost every day.  I certainly search any and every posting relevant and give it consideration or send a resume where applicable.

I logged my food every day and I did well.  No major food breaks.

I went to the doctor as planned and I have to sit and think how medicated I want to be or if surgery is the right option.  This may be easier for some than others.  I have nearly died the last two times I was in the hospital and the last drug I took almost killed me as well.  I am terrified – and so is my doctor- that no choice I make is easy.  There are potential serious side effects (or not) to either.

The fit bit is on, but I haven’t pushed myself to move much.  But it is on.

I have focused a little on getting my eldest off to college in 2 weeks.

I have not focused on any dating, and I feel ok with that for now.

I read 2 books in the past week, which is much better than trolling social media looking to see where Bennett may have unfriended me.

I need to choose another bigger milestone for this week.  But my mind is so foggy and all over the place.  I am so very tired of taking care of anything and everything.  There is so much laundry to be done.  Bills I am neglecting. Paperwork for my Dad to get his end-of-life things in order.  Apps to be made for the kids.  I just don’t want to.

I want a lobotomy.


Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

3 thoughts on “Boring Boredom”

  1. That’s a sucky place to be for sure. (((Hugs)))) I’ve felt this way and yeah setting goals is a good way to move forward. As for the job search, I advise against daily…look for new opportunities a few times a week half-days, and just follow up on any responses in between. I was stress looking for a while it made it worse, when took some random job to keep me busy while looking it was like magic two jobs came looking for me via LinkedIn, which was updated and relevant… good luck and feel better, and don’t forget to pay the water bill the bastards shut off without final notice WTF 😂 that was wrong.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I know that it may be a difficult thing for you to do, but have you considered sitting down and talking to your ex? Letting him know what you are going through? Nobody’s perfect and he could possibly serve as some immediate help. Just because the two of you don’t love each other anymore does not mean you would not be there when the other is suffering.
    Just my thoughts I’m sending out. You don’t have to go this stuff alone.

    Liked by 2 people

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