Old Stories

So….I have been speaking to a man that I cannot even recall meeting.

I fell asleep earlier tonight and just woke with the realization I blogged about EVERY sexual encounter in 2014/2105……

And I found him – The Boxer.

Long read ahead but will explain more tmrw;

From January 2015

Part 1 / The Boxer

Some days a girl is just lucky.

I have been back on Tinder and another app, called Bumble.  On Bumble the men are significantly better looking and generally more educated.  It’s like a Tinder upgrade.  The trick to Bumble is that the woman must write first and within 24 hours or the match disappears.  I get plenty of matches but the hit rate of replies is probably just a tad above Tinder’s hit ratio.

In any case,  I matched with a handsome lawyer/novice boxer from close to home.  This will work while I’m not working, but I don’t know how well we would manage time together once I’m back to work in a couple weeks.  No matter, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let’s call him The Boxer.

I liked his quick wit and sense of humor immediately.  Some people are just good with communication and the banter is easy, so we made a date for Tuesday at a bar local to my home.

As you already know, the whole physical attraction thing, including a mans height, tends to be an immediate attraction or deterrent for me.  His photos were very attractive and, in one, he had a shirt on so similar to the Cowboy, that I saw some resemblance.  I think it was the shirt and full head of hair as he is no where near as handsome (to me) as the Cowboy.  He is 5’11, which is ok, not great, not awful.  I stand taller with most of my heels, but he is broad shouldered so that helps somewhat.

We met at a bar that R and I often frequented and had some fabulous evenings of fun and laughter.  I was slightly disappointed when I saw him in person as he didn’t really resemble the photos and made me think that the photos were older and perhaps run through a filter.  No matter, his smile was easy and his bright blue and conversation was engaging.

We chatted for a few hours, mostly about family.  I can’t say what type of impression I walked away with – it was neither good nor bad – it was ok.  He has a very young child that seems to be a handful and, frankly, I wasn’t particularly interested in hearing about his antics.  That’s a first for me and obviously some impact from the Cowboys lack of children.  I was previously more attracted to a man with a child, but now I think I prefer a man with an older child and not such al little guy.  As Ann reminded me, I am getting ahead of myself again.

The date ended and he gave me a quick peck on the lips as he departed.  Awkward kiss at best, it wasn’t natural at all.  Though his lips were quite soft.  He apologized later for being nervous.  He said he hasn’t kissed anyone new in a very long time.  He is 3 months out of a 2.5 year relationship with a woman in her twenties – though he won’t tell me just how old she was.  He likes significantly younger woman, so I don’t know why I have impressed him…but I tend to think he realizes what he wants in a relationship is not going to happen with a younger woman – they just don’t have the life experience and often want a family.

He has been texting good morning and a bit each night and we are due to go out again this evening.  He hints at an undercurrent that I enjoy, but doesn’t cross the line or elaborate.  I am curious enough to find out.

Part 2/ The Boxer

Tears and Sex Just Don’t Jive For Me

I bet you can’t wait for the post in which we celebrate the passing of the Cowboy. At this point, I can’t wait for the end either.

I’m sure it’s ahead but it’s still seems very far away to me.

Both of my therapists have independently advised me to accept the grief. To find time for the tears and let them come unfettered.  I have been embracing that theory all week and have been crying a bit more.

But tonight it seems a flood is happening.

I had a date with the Boxer. He was attentive via text all day and indicated his excitement to see me. I had a rough day for other reasons but was looking forward to getting out.

The date was fine. Conversation was ok. He gave me some good (and free) lawyerly advice. But there’s no spark.

We left the restaurant and made our way to my home. I was alone for the evening.

The real tell was the first kiss. Nothing. Nada. He was a terrible kisser. I am always afraid of a bad kisser as a portent for what follows.  He doesn’t use his tongue and I’m all about those big open-mouth full of tongue kisses.  My kisses are hot and lusty, full and aggressive. He was tentative, meek and slow and no tongue.

Didn’t stop me from moving to the next stage. I had worn a dress and crotch less panties and his hands found their way in. Before I knew it, his mouth was on me. Now – that was better than the kiss on the lips and I knew I would be able to cum.  It was relatively quick and easy and very pleasurable. No fireworks but who complains about any orgasm?!

He is truly a boxer so his body is like a brick – totally solid. But he is overall slim and I wonder if he was a little skimpy when he wasn’t muscular. The muscles in his back and shoulders were lovely to hold onto though. He also has a luscious full head of hair that I got to keep my hands in and pull during my orgasm.  He said he loved it.

We moved from the couch to the bed and he undressed himself quickly.  I undressed myself and crawled beside him. He was keen to fuck so I agreed.  His size was average at best but he was rock solid with excitement. He did all the right things, said all the right things, but horror of all horrors happened to me (and this never ever happens) – I began to dry out. I quickly grabbed the lube before he realized what was going on and switched our positions.

I think this is when everything went way south for me. He asked me to climb on top. A little history lesson here – I used to hate being on top. R used to be so encouraging that I was willing to attempt it once or twice for his pleasure but I was still uncomfortable (with my body, what to do, the whole thing).  But…being on top kind of became a steady tool in the Cowboys Arsenal. To the point where he was insistent on figuring out how to make me cum while on top. Over time with the Cowboy it became one of best and most successful positions. It was sexy, lusty, fun and fruitful for both of us. The Cowboy tried so hard to please me in every position, but this was one he was most proud of “unlocking”.

I figured I was now comfortable and capable in this position and I climbed on top of the Boxer and slid him in effortlessly.  And he laid there. He’s not big enough to hit my cervix like the Cowboy so that stimulation was lost, but he didn’t help his own case.  I tried to find the right purchase and get the motion and I got close, I could have worked pretty hard and gotten to a climax but I was almost distressed at this point being reminded of the Cowboy…so I did the worst disservice to myself and faked enough pleasure sounds to make him think it was all that.

I asked him to take me from behind, knowing this was one position even a less lengthy cock could feel pretty good…but he chose to lay me flat on my stomach where I am basically unable to move.  I didn’t even feel much thrust.  Luckily it was over quickly enough.

He quickly jumped up to go to the bathroom and I was so relieved because I burst I to full on tears – my face was down in the pillow and he couldn’t see anyway but still. I know this happened with Mr Dull but this was a much more significant tearful reaction.

I’m glad he left quickly after. There was 5 minutes of a cuddle and he was calling for his uber. He has a big trial tomorrow and I knew he was quite anxious as the prep work.  The moment he was out the door the tears flowed and didn’t let up for 3 hours.

I didn’t realize the position would be such a significant trigger on top of my already fragile emotional state.

This was another throwaway sex session just to keep moving on from the Cowboy. While I’m not sure I hear from the Boxer again (there was no Good Morning text this morning, interestingly enough, despite promises to see me before he travels), I don’t think it’s worth his energy or mine for something. I’m not finding any sort of fulfillment in.  It’s nice to have a little attention during the day and a dinner date is fun but I’m not attracted to him enough on any level to continue.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

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