Swipe Left, Left, Left, Right

The dating thing is really frustrating.

But, luckily, my head is in a different place this time around.  I don’t know for sure when I grew up (or grew out of things) but I know I have changed.

Meeting Bobby gave me the freedom of exploration and the exhilaration of doing something new and wild.  It was fun while it lasted and I have no regrets for anything I experienced.

Meeting Bennett proved to me I am ready to settle down.  That last crazy date was the nail in the coffin I needed.  I had fun for a few minutes and then I wanted to escape.

Gone are the desires for a sex club, a threesome or any other sort of non-traditional sexual play.  I want one fabulous partner with whom I can have fun with as well as just cozy up next to on the couch and veg if needed.  I am not totally certain I am saying “No, never again” but I am feeling the pull of my age and the need to just put it behind me.  It’s not because I feel old, it just feels like something I have now grown out of.

I also learned, through numerous conversations on line and on the phone, a better reason why the blue collar men don’t work for me – they don’t think I have enough time to devote to them with 3 children and a career.  Several men have now commented that they have a lot of free time on their hands and want their partners to have the same amount of time available.  That won’t happen for me for some time, if ever.  I feel like I have plenty of time since divorce, but that’s comparing life of a full-time mother of 3 small children to the 70% custodial parent of 3 teenage children who have become mobile.  I guess on the outside it appears like more than it is to someone who doesn’t really understand the ages or custody arrangements.

I have also discovered, while I don’t immediately vet a childless man, that it’s the same type of thought process regarding time.  They have a lot of time on their hands and only worry about themselves as compared to a parent who feels like they are continually on call and available to their children.  One man even said “I don’t care about your kids right now as I get to know you, this is about you and I.”  While that statement is true, it also felt unrealistic to me in a sense.  My kids are part of me, I like to talk about them, and I am always thinking of them.  They pop in and out of conversations.  Am I supposed to exclude that while I speak to you?  One guy actually rolled his eyes when I told a funny kid story.  To me it was comparable to him talking about the 50th marathon he ran, I suppose.  In any case, it seems like it’s much harder to find a middle ground that includes me as a woman and me as a momma.  I don’t intentionally separate those things, it happens based on circumstance, but I don’t know if I could consciously eliminate speaking about my kids while getting to know someone.

Either way, I am speaking to enough people pre-date to know that my decisions are more sound than they have been in the past.  I set my criteria based on what my gut has taught me that I often ignored early on.  I used to rush into dates just to keep busy but since I am still a bit depressed, it’s easier to take things more slowly and think about if the man has real long term relationship potential.

There have been a few men that I have connected with and was even a little excited about, but for their own reasons unbeknownst to me, they have disappeared.  Everyone is playing the same games in the big city and people are a dime a dozen.  It certainly takes patience and fortitude to get through the dating scene.

I have even been asked at least 3 times to hop on a plane: Florida, Dubai and London.  Believe me, I was tempted each time, but there was no hesitation to say “let’s meet at home for coffee or a drink,” first.  One man even got mad at me for not wanting to try and stating that my previous failures are clouding my future judgement.  Yes, he’s right there’s a whole lot of failure helping me to make better decisions, clearly!  Maybe one of these days I will even get it right.

At the moment, there are two men on deck.  They can come and go as quickly as I write this post.  I also know we are running into dating slow season, which is also ok.

I would love to be able to really find a dating partner that I can enjoy the holiday season with, but if I don’t, I’ve lived through it before and will live through it again.


Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

7 thoughts on “Swipe Left, Left, Left, Right”

  1. Good for you. This right here sounds like growth and wisdom. Please… now try hard for no holiday backtracking. You CAN do this, and just the right sort of guy will find his way to you, or you to him. Be patient and have fun figuring out who you’re looking for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I am being more picky for sure. In an effort to really just meet less people for first dates I’m trying to up the screening and it seems to be working. No doubt it’s harder now that I fixed my age which is stupid but true. If I lowered to even 47 I would get more matches than I know what to do with!


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