Date 8: I Know What I Like

One thing I know about myself (as worded by my youngest): I like what I like, yo! (Said in his best rap voice !)

Yes. I like what I like.

And I know it.

Generally speaking, advice to “try” something different rarely works.

Bennett was an exception. He wasn’t my typical appeal looks wise and I still fell head over heels.  From that, I learned I should at least try when I feel some connection.

So, I did.

Shaun was really handsome and, frankly, reminded me of Bennett in so many ways it was hard to pass up. We started speaking and the cadence was easy and flirty immediately. He had all the qualities I was looking for.

All, but one.

About three days or so of text and FaceTime I realized I hadn’t asked him how tall he was.  It had never crossed my mind because the connection was so fast and easy.

But since he was already asking me out, I needed to be prepared.

He is 5’6″

To my 5’8″

Sigh.

I really liked him. I liked his voice.  I liked his personality.  He was funny and he was totally in to me.  He was cute and a little sexy.  At the same time, he reminded me so much of Bennett that it made me sad.   He even played the guitar.

He was a great communicator.

I was honest with him, that I didn’t think I could surpass the height issue, but I would be more than willing to meet him as a friend and see how it went, with no expectation.

I arrived to the bar just before he did and ordered a drink while I sat and waited.  He came around behind me and as I caught my first sight of him (since I was up on a barstool) all I could think was “Holy cow, he’s so little.”

He’s not little.  He’s a bit stocky and has amazingly well sculpted arms and shoulders.  He’s just short.  Nice looking.  Had he been at my height or just taller, I may have reconsidered, but once that initial thought went through my head there was no turning back from the severe disappointment.

His sparkling personality could not overcome the lack of attraction.

I thought about it, hard.  I looked at him closely, studying bits of him as he ate or spoke.  Wondered if I could dismiss the height. The deciding factor was when we stood to leave, I was in my sneakers and I felt that I towered over him, and I hated it.

I don’t like short men.  That’s just it.  No more or less.   Shaun was lovely but there would never be any attraction.  I couldn’t even bring myself to kiss him properly though I knew he would like that.

We had a perfectly lovely evening.  I hope he finds a nice girl, but its’ not me.

I thought,perhaps, when I did finally make a connection like that – I might realize there is light ahead and feel less grief over Bennett, but it only served to raise the pain closer to the surface.  The best thing Icould have done for myself was delete him from my phones so I can’t act thoughtlessly.  At least there’s that.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

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