Checking In

I'm alive and well.

The good news is that I'm so busy and physically exhausted I don't have time or energy to write.

Here's a high level catch-up:

Work is off the charts crazy. A great kind of nuts but nuts all the same. I was worrying a lot about the changes but have chosen to focus on the path ahead. I don't have control over what comes next, but I do have control over how I show up. I have people supporting me and guiding me for the first time ever, so I don't feel like I'm left out to hang (as I have felt in previous roles). It will be one hell of a ride. Companies that are failing, really and truly failing, and trying to turn back to profitability, can be equal parts of frustration and excitement.

I went through a first date craze. Something like 7 dates in 7 days. I had higher hopes for two of them, but none of them warranted a second date. I started to write the post and never finished. There are some funny stories to be told and at least one crazy sex one. It's been a while since sexy M came out to play with a virtual stranger.

Bennett is still around. I'm still crying. Nothing has changed or is changing. Well, maybe he is changing. There have been lovely and sincere moments between us. I miss having sex with him but I realize I'm not ready emotionally to have it with anyone else. I also realize that anything I do now is my own poor choice so there's no sense in complaining in what he doesn't give me. So I generally realize the pattern will be: he doesn't come through with something I want, I realize I do all the asking, I get frustrated, angry then sad, and I cry good and hard for a bit. Then it passes until the next incident. I need to get in front of asking him for anything because it's just a set up for failure. He won't give me anything. Now he really does have his cake and eats it too. The whole phone call thing fell off the radar entirely (from the wife, not so much him).

I was due to have two weeks of vacation coming up but I booked only one due to work. My kids are not happy it's a beach vacation. Whose kids are these?

So that's it. I'm working super hard. I'm hanging onto Bennett for no good reason other than to not let my anxiety get the better of me. Life goes on.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

3 thoughts on “Checking In”

  1. glad you’re doing ok – either things will get better or worse with B – and when you’re done youll be done – it’s easy to say what you should do but when you’re living it – it’s different – life is short live it your way but make sure you’re doing what YOU want

    Liked by 1 person

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