Date 7: The Date That Never Was 

Llyod and I matched about two weeks ago and started and easy conversation. Kids similar ages and divorced around the same amount of time. 

Our text banter was flirtatious and light.  We exchanged additional photos and agreed to a phone call. 

He hit all of my initial dating criteria but there was something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on.   There wasn’t anything specific, just a little nudge I felt inside. 

I should probably realize by now that the nudge is the first signal my gut gives to me to say “he’s not right.”

Our phone call proceeded much the same way the text had, easy and natural banter, light conversation.  We agreed to a date a week later due to scheduling and one more phone conversation in between. 

The days leading up to the next phone conversation had just enough engagement. I think we were both in a good place. He let me know when he had a long drive in front of him and I have him a time I thought I could call. 

But it didn’t work out that way. My commute home was endless and then my kids hadn’t eaten any dinner.  By the time I was done taking care of them I needed to shower and wash my hair. I was exhausted and fell to sleep early.  I had entirely forgotten to call Lloyd. 

As soon as I woke up the next morning I sent an apology text and asked if we could reschedule the call. I explained what happened and was truly sorry.  

Crickets. 

For the entire day. Finally, that evening I received a cursory reply which said “you have my number and know where to reach me”

A bit of back and forth over the next day revealed to me that he seemed upset with me.  There was no ulterior motive, I’m not juggling multiple men and text, and I just forgot. 

It took him some time to come around and I admit to doing a little cajoling.  We agreed to speak a day later and still meet the following week.  I realized I didn’t like how I felt trying to get him over being upset over a missed call. It was sort of ridiculous. 

Of course the time I am due to call him next, I am held up. I text and keep in touch with no reply and call about 3 hours later than I expected. The conversation was fine, as were all the ones preceding it.  We chose our date and time to meet the following week and he asked me to chose a place close to my work.  I said I had flexibility for either of two nights that week and he said he appreciated the offer but we settled on a Tuesday. 

On Monday he text and said his schedule changed and would I mind switching to Wednesday. I agreed and as it turns out, had to leave work abruptly on Tuesday for an emergency at home. I text him to let him know how it all worked out for the better that we moved our date and also sent him the name and address of the restaurant.  

Attending to my emergency at home and then falling dead to sleep from exhaustion, I didn’t realize he hadn’t text me back until the next morning. 

Then, not a word all day Wednesday. 

I didn’t chase or solicit. I deleted his name and number by the end of the day, removed him from the dating app. 

I have no idea what happened but I get the strong impression it was a spiteful move on his part. Maybe that’s what I sensed – a sort of immaturity and defensiveness.  

Doesn’t matter, no skin off my back. 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

15 thoughts on “Date 7: The Date That Never Was ”

  1. I’m not saying you are wrong to delete him and move on, since your gut said he wasn’t right, but it struck me as I just published a post about issues with communication in the early days of dating. You bailed on a time to call, were a few hours late for another, had some scheduling challenges and referenced a home emergency. He may have interpreted it as flighty and uninterested and maybe too complicated of a schedule and life. I’m not saying the outcome was the wrong one but I don’t think he’s a necessarily an ass or incapable of understanding. People make early decisions based on clues and imperfect information. Think about why your post would read like if the tables were turned (and mine can give you a clue 😂). xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Not necessarily disagreeing but I clearly communicated to him what was going on in my life – and I am flighty – so he had an window of 36 hours in which to say (politely) thanks but no thanks. I could sense he didn’t like my full schedule and flightiness which is fine, but he should have just said so and moved on.

      And actually I was quite flexible when he suggested moving the date…so I do believe it’s all a five and take.

      He is an ass for not politely declining, in my opinion. If the tables were turned and I still had a slight negative gut reaction I would have cancelled and ended it there.

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      1. Madeline, all I am saying is that behaviour gets interpreted in different ways and it seems we are sometimes too quick to write someone off as an asshole. You didn’t say it but some commenters did. I’m not picking apart your specific situation, it made me think of something broader given I just wrote about Jack and what happened in my head when I didn’t hear from him. That’s all.

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