Happy to be working

I came in early this morning just so I can write.  I can’t even express how happy I am to be working and entirely overwhelmed at work!  Never thought I would hear those words from my mouth.

Despite the fact he shouldn’t be contacting me, I was still angry and hurt Bennett didn’t say Happy Mothers Day.   Yes, it was best he didn’t break contact, but hurt all the same.

Perhaps the anger will do me some good in letting go.  I am still obsessively thinking about it, more than I should, and it’s easier to be angry about assuming he’s going full on back to his marriage.  I don’t know, I am surmising, but it’s my expectation.

I noticed yesterday that he “liked” a public post of mine on facebook.  He always said he would find ways to let me know he’s thinking of me and I suppose that’s his way.  We are not friends on facebook, but this was a public post.  I noticed I felt a bit calmer – maybe he is as heartbroken as I am?  I’m trying not to let that one silly thing become more than it is.  He misses me, but the situation has not changed, fine, move on.

This is the longest we have gone with no contact – 10 days.  Previously he never made it this far.

I’m happy to be so distracted at work there is little time for the random thoughts of him to creep in, and when they do, I’m mostly angry.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

9 thoughts on “Happy to be working”

  1. I think you’re aware of the change / grief curve and are aware anger is one stage? It’s completely normal. And yes, best to assume he’s gone fully back to his marriage. It doesn’t mean he’s not still thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. With time, those long breaks without communication won’t phase you anymore. I’m there right now with a boy who I have yet to write about (behind on posts). Hang in there and it will pass.


  3. If he had broken contact and wished you Happy Mother’s Day, how would that have felt? By rights, that is when the real anger should have set in, because you told him no contact. My hope is you spent a nice MD with your kids and/or your mother, realizing how precious and fleeting life really is. Pretty soon you’ll be past the anger. My hope is he actually does work things out with his wife, otherwise when you have moved on, he will come looking for you again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, I would have accepted the message without reply and moved on. But that’s also because I know I am still conflicted.

      I had a lovely mothers day – I wasn’t sitting pining for him. I know he wouldn’t have had such a great day as its his first mothers day without a mother.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You may be conflicted but that’s normal and perfectly fine. Feel all the feels but don’t take backward looks or steps. Keep on moving and let him find his own way. Whatever you had, and I know you were both infatuated with each other, it was not the kind of deep and abiding true love which makes a LTR. Because I don’t think he knows how to behave in that sort of relationship. You, on the other hand, are a mature adult who thinks things through, wonders how they affect her partner, and analyzes the potential result. Be proud of who you are.

        Liked by 1 person

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