Date 3 | Update: I Don’t Know Where This is Going

So it’s been about 3 weeks since date 1 with Dave.  All went well and text communication has been relatively regular.

But, when you can’t figure out how to see one another, and communication stays on a generic text level, I think I start to interpret or analyze things that may or may not even be there.

There were a few times he wanted to turn the talk to sex and I rebuffed.  He did finally get the hint.  We had a more robust conversation about desires in a relationship and that went well.  We really seem to be on the same page for what we want or need.

He never calls.  Nor do I.  I just don’t think it’s my move to make.

He has asked me several times to meet quickly. Late after work.  In the morning for coffee.  In the afternoon for a quick break.  All the most inconvenient of times.

I was clear 2 weeks ago with him what my custody and work schedule looked like and we couldn’t find the time to make it work, plus he was sick.  Over the weekend I was more forthcoming to say “I have such and such a day free and would love to make plans with you.”  When he finally replied to me the next day, he said he was busy both nights so I said that’s was fine and I would make other plans.

So I did.

Then he sent a message the next night to ask if I could see him on one of the nights I originally suggested.  I had already made plans I wasn’t about to break.

That same night he asked where I was (at my sons basketball game) and he said he would drive to me to “just have a kiss.”  I declined again.  The game was over late and I had my kids stuff to attend to before bed.

He comes in and out by text, never asks about my kids or my job and sticks with very generic and innocuous questions like “how is your day?”    When I try to ask him questions about his job, he generalizes and says “I will tell you more when we meet.”

Late last night he sent a text asking if I could meet after work, even though I mentioned I had the kids.  I said yes first thing this morning, with the caveat it could only be a cocktail before heading home.  I heard from him mid-day saying he didn’t know how he could work his schedule.  It’s after 5 pm now, I haven’t heard from him since 3:30 and as soon as I am done with this post, I’m shutting down and leaving.

It’s not a pressing thought, but some part of my brain is telling me I am the second choice (or third or fourth) to whatever harem he is trying to manage.

I am convinced I’ve become the new Madeline – I would have waited all night for this man to blow me off just a year ago.  I would have altered every one of my plans for a date.  Now my personal time is too precious.  While I like him very much (he’s great on paper and even better in person) I don’t have enough time or energy to waste on waiting on this man.

Perhaps I am being too stringent on the communication based on my time with Bennett.  Bennett was such an over-communicator (as am I) that I became used to his constant checking on me and the boys or the job etc.  I realize I have only had one date with Dave, but we have been texting for 3 weeks now.

I have still been on Tinder and Bumble but I am so choosy about who I am communicating with now that men are not rising to the top so easily – also because I raised my age limit.  Dave squeaked in a 44 as that’s the lowest I have it set to, and my high is at 54.  There have been a few fun conversations and a few that turned weird when I didn’t reply in whatever manner the man was expecting me to reply to him.   I also shut them down the moment the conversation switches to the “hey, sexy” tone.

As much as I like to believe I have come so far, I know my heart is still tied to Bennett.  I haven’t fully stopped communicating with him and we are going to a concert together on Sunday.   The tickets were from Christmas and couldn’t be resold.   I enjoy when I see him, but I feel myself slipping from his grasp.  He’s held on to me for too long like this and I don’t have any respect for either of us.  Bennett is still committed to speaking to his wife, so he says.

I am in an OK place, so much better than January and light years away from just a year ago.  I thank god for my family and friends and this wonderful job of mine.  Nothing like a huge challenge to keep you focused and on your game.







Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

11 thoughts on “Date 3 | Update: I Don’t Know Where This is Going”

  1. My first instinct was that there’s someone else. That it seems always last minute, almost as if he’s got a wife stashed away that he can barely escape from to grab a cocktail with you. Something is definitely weird here. And I love the new term too. “Breadcrumbing.”

    Liked by 4 people

  2. This is why I batch my interviews for new lovers….so many start strong, but if you don’t convert within 2 weeks, it’s never going to happen. I’m currently breadcrumbing 5 guys…but calling one of my reliable regulars for actual play dates

    Liked by 2 people

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