It only took me 2.5 years to learn.
That’s not so bad, right?
I was very happy meeting Dave last week. The date was just as it should be for a first date. The kiss at the end was spectacular and he even admitted he was sorry he didn’t’ take me to dinner.
It was all good.
The next day he text me at the end of the day to say he was working late, as was I. At first he said “too bad we can’t meet” and I said the same, spontaneity is so much fun. I ordered a car and headed home. It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes later when he, once again, said he regretted his decision and wished I would have the car stop and drop me off. I went home.
The next morning he asked me to coffee, but I was unable to meet.
At this point, all signs are pointing in the right direction! I am confident we can meet again, I can see he is interested, and I haven’t been readily available and eager. It looks like I’ve done it all right, finally!
But then, Friday night, he starts with….”I want to tell you about a dream I had…” and he does on to explain the detail of taking me on a shopping expedition for lingerie and what happens in the fitting room.
I used to love to play that game, the sex fantasy game. I used to believe it would get a man excited before our next meeting. I used to love to engage in it myself because it got me excited. But, now I am convinced that the minute a man goes down that path he’s only got one thing on his mind.
I also feel awkward doing it now with someone I haven’t already had sex with. I did have lots of fun in the past, but I am entirely over it now. I find it very hard to extricate myself from a conversation that has taken a turn like this….without sounding like a complete dullard. I didn’t’ encourage the conversation, but I couldn’t quite find the opening to stop it completely. I tried making a joke or two that I had such an impact on him and his answer was “yes! your kiss knocked me off my feet and your’e all I can think about now!” When he realized I refused to engage, he said “my goal was to turn you on.” I mentioned that I try not to get too carried away without knowing someone well enough and that perhaps after another date things would change.
He said he thought our chemistry was so electric that I felt the same. I replied that I wanted to get to know him better and give it some time. He backed down.
I heard from him on and off over the weekend and finally gave him my schedule Sunday night, asking him if he would like to make firm plans for my free nights before I made other plans. When he got back to me he asked if any of my days were work from home days.
And then the “dream” started again.
This time I stopped immediately saying he could tell me when we met but I was off to bed.
He claims he isn’t all about sex, but his actions are starting to show different.
Now, I am not opposed to having sex with him for fun. He’s hot and handsome and my type of guy. It will be a good transition from Bennett to be with someone new. I think my head is in the right place to be able to have sex. I’m just bummed out that this is where it’s leading already, and when I didn’t lead it there at all.
In the past, I would have invested myself too much already. I would have been over analyzing every text and every move. Now the obvious is, well, obvious. If he wants sex, that’s fine, but only in a situation when I am comfortable with it. And that means at least another date.
I am amazed how much more clearly I can now see compared to even a year ago. While my relationships with Dan (R), Bobby and Bennett were by no means healthy or traditional, I did learn from those experiences…as well as some other calamities along the way like Brix. With Dan I learned I wanted to have fun again, with Bobby I learned the value of great sex and with Bennett I learned how to truly love again and desire a partner.
My head is in a good space these days overall.