I am so busy at work I have little time to think and it’s a great part of why I don’t write. But, sometimes I have a thought that just feels better writing it and moving on. I notice when I write I can feel the tension flooding out into my fingers and the keyboard. I think that’s a good thing not to hold it in.
In the early evening I returned to my desk after a long day and there was a massive bouquet of beautiful flowers. I knew the moment I saw them that they were from Bennett as he knows exactly what I like and how much I adore fresh flowers on my desk.
The card was handwritten by Bennett, which means he was in the area to drop the flowers (or at least order them from the florist). The card said:
“A love like ours could never die, as long as I have you near me”
Bennett always includes a song lyric from songs he has recorded for me, but this is one song I have yet to receive from him so I had to look up the lyrics to this one. The Beatles are his favorite musicians.
I haven’t been crying much, but those flowers did it today and tears welled up and spilled over when I read the card. Normally they would send me right to the phone to say thank you (as I did on Valentine’s Day) but today I hesitated. I talked it over with the girls at work and they said not to call him. I sent the photo to two friends and they said not to call him.
All of them said he was being manipulative when I said no contact.
I hate to think he is being purposefully manipulative. It’s easier to think that he is as heartbroken as I am and feels this is the only way he can show me.
I didn’t call or write to thank him, which does make me feel guilty. I know the right thing to do is to continue the no contact until he has something of value to share with me – which can only be that he has spoken to his wife. This is the longest we’ve gone with no contact – 6 days – so I am still resilient at this moment.
But giving in to him makes no sense to me….he wants to speak to me and thank him. Or maybe he’s happy enough knowing I would be thrilled with the flowers?