A First Date

The on-again-off-again Bennett situation resolved last week for the last time.  Truth be told, I solicited his company last week because I needed his comfort and I knew I could handle seeing him without being distraught.  It was a good decision on my part.

It’s been about 2-3 weeks back on the dating sites and I’ve taken it pretty slowly, not bothering to waste my time.  I am still surprised at the times there feels like potential in a future date, and it suddenly just disappears into the ether.  It certainly doesn’t bother me anymore.  It’s easy to move on and delete since I have become clear on what I want.

I’m not in the mood for sexual liaisons so I have avoided those men and conversations entirely.  If the man so much as begins to sniff in that directly, I try to politely redirect the conversation.  When it persists I now realize he’s got a one-track mind and I just end the conversations.    I recall how difficult this all used to be for me, not so much anymore.

I matched with a potential last week and we have had steady text conversation and one decent phone call.  Unfortunately for me I am very swayed by a man’s voice and I didn’t care for his voice immediately.  I tried not to let to let this deter me.  He was a decent man and provided interesting conversation, there was just no immediate chemistry.  But, there was plenty to talk about and he was interesting.

He asked me out after the call and we set plans for Thursday.

This will be the first man I have dated since last July.  For 8 months, it’s been only Bennett.  Even with Bobby, there was no stretch longer than 6-8 weeks without dating or having sex with another.  I hadn’t really thought of the comparison until I spoke to this man on the phone and realized how very different the situation is this time around.

Bennett has truly been the only man in my life for 8 months.  Speaking to another man and getting to know him felt strange, like I was cheating on Bennett.  Maybe that means I’m still not ready to date, I’m not really sure that I am honestly – but I think I should give it a try.  I know my decision with Bennett is the right one, so I might as well put myself out there to the frustrating world of dating.

Since I changed my age range the selection of men is certainly reduced.  Honestly, once men cross the age of 50 I feel like they get really “old” and set in their ways!  Not all of them, of course, but I’m not ready to settle down and I want someone who still wants to have adventure in their life.  So many profiles indicate that these men like to stay home and watch TV with their partners!   Or their sense of adventure includes trying a new restaurant.    Those profiles scare me and remind me of my x.

I want that balance between knowing how important it is for family or work commitments but still feeling like there’s enough juice in the lemon that it’s worth squeezing.   These profiles seem tired to me.  Maybe these men are just tired of dating for all I know, but it’s not inspiring me to try them out for a chat!  Also, the men I like don’t tend to like me as they go for younger women.  So if a man has a youthful attitude or appearance, perhaps they feel the same way about women their age as I do about men my age!  What a conundrum.

Anyway, the point is, the pickings are slim but I’m a busy girl who finally learned I don’t need to date the carousel anymore.  I also suppose being more confident in my sexuality helps as I don’t feel the massive need to f*ck myself silly this time around.  I’m ok with taking it slow and not dating at all if it comes to that.  I can do with more down time focusing on my health in any case as my weight has sky-rocketed since I started this new role.



Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

17 thoughts on “A First Date”

      1. I’ve been blessed with good genes too. I’m 53 but I get guessed 10 years younger all the time. 🙂 I think attitude and playfulness in my spirit has a lot to do with it. I have a Dom lover/fwb who’s 18 years my junior that is still in my life. How’d I get so damn lucky?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. years he’s been my one and only Dom, but I have the freedom to play. But alas.. though I feel love for him, he desires a wife and a family of his own someday. I can’t give him that. But oh how I wish I was closer to his age! Sigh!


      1. I know but “most” married men NEVER will leave the nest. They depend on women more than women depend on them… doesn’t mean they don’t wander, just don’t usually leave. 🙂


      2. Bennett does not depend on his wife in any way – but she depends on him. Their children love their mother and father and look up to both and both have excellent parent/child relationships.

        I disagree he won’t leave – but I may not be around to see it. Bobby, on the other hand – I never said he wouldn’t leave, in fact I always believed he would stay. Bennett, he won’t stay….but his timing is another matter.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I know what you mean, but there ARE some over 50 year men out there that are young at heart and in looks. Finding them is quite another thing however. Some of my favorite lovers have been men 50+.

      Liked by 2 people

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