I Forgot What it Feels Like to be Ghosted

So, I load my Tinder, Bumble and Match back up and start the serious pursuit of looking for a compatible date.   I know what I want to start focusing on, so I quickly eliminate any nonsense replies, any “hey babe” or  “sexy” comments and stay focused on the men who write a decent/polite introduction and seem to, on first glance, be interesting to me.

I won’t complain, there were a few decent starts.  Moved off the app and even started text.

I felt pretty good about my week ahead looking up and then possibly having a date by next week.

Until they all seemingly disappeared.

I had some lovely text conversation on Match.com with a man name Mark.  He hit all my criteria, except he possibly live a little further away than I would have preferred (but not too far to date).   I offered my number and we spoke on the phone for an hour.  He said he would love to meet me and would call later in the week to set up a date. I guess that was Monday.  On Tuesday mid-afternoon I sent a silly Valentine meme and wrote “Too Cheesy? Hope you’re having a good day!” and, of course, I haven’t even received and acknowledgement from him.    Oh well.  He would have been a great first start.

Another man, Raymond, also had a great start and asked for my number.  We had been having decent text conversation and it seemed ok.  I did mention that he should text me before calling and start there.  He called not long after and left the strangest voice message.  I replied by text the next day saying I don’t answer numbers I don’t know and apologized, did he want to chat via text until a better time to call?  2 days, no answer.

Blair: we met online before I traveled.  he kept in touch a little bit, just enough, while I traveled and I let him know I was back in town last Saturday.  As of today, nada.  Crickets.

And one whose name I already forget, started off perfectly reasonable, then one morning said “I’m lying here in bed thinking of you….what are you wearing?”

While I love the whole sext thing, I’m over it with strangers.

I still wonder at the whole match process.  Do men just simply swipe right as often as possible and see what luck they have?    I’m not lacking for matches, just conversation and consistency.

I did raise my age limit, so now I am focusing on 44-54 years of age.  The young ones still seem to come after me on Match.com, but the Tinder/Bumble youngsters have disappeared.

I’m not particularly enthusiastic about dating again, I still miss Bennett terribly, but I’m not sure there is any way to move forward except to start.

My goal is to try and secure one date for next week.  Casual drinks.  Next week is the anniversary of my mothers death and this time of the year tends to be horrid for me.  6 years later and I still relive the lead-up to her final moments.  I’m usually traveling and being on a plane over some distant country has helped in the past years.  This year I figure a fun date could do the same for one of the evenings next week.   Otherwise, I am fearful I resort to calling Bennett for comfort.

I have seen Bennett.  He sent me the most lovely bouquet for Valentine’s Day.  I called to thank him, as is appropriate and we had a short conversation.  Later that day he showed up at work to take me to lunch even though I had told him not to come.  We didn’t part on the best note because, ultimately the way my mind works, is that I get mad at him for coming to me during the day when he is going home at night.  I just get mad now and it’s not good for either of us.  I think he finally realized that as I haven’t heard from him since.



Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

12 thoughts on “I Forgot What it Feels Like to be Ghosted”

  1. Wow, you’ve got a lot you’re dealing with right now. Take it easy, find some way to pamper yourself – do you do spas? Facials, massage, the works? I’m sorry about your mom. My best friend lost her mom (her only parent as her dad wasn’t in her life) on Valentine’s Day 19 years ago, and every year is a tough one around this time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry Madeline. It’s nice to know someone still loves you but at the same time it brings no comfort that they love you but you can’t have them to hold that night. I wish I knew what was in that brain of his. I remember when David and I were broke up but going to a show I knew how I should be behaving to make him see we were meant to be but rational thought made me scared that he wouldn’t want me or that he would think he could have the best of both worlds.

    Liked by 1 person

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