The no contact faltered but we finally (both) reached a point where we knew it was wrong.
He didn’t like the inevitable pain it was causing me and I was beginning to be almost as unhappy as I was happy when with him. When I am upset he is very distressed. And seeing his distress or sadness just makes it all that much harder.
We finally agreed, together, that we had to part for “good.” In his mind, he sees a future for us. In my mind, I have to act as though there is no future or I will hope too much and remain stuck. I still fear once I convince myself to disconnect from him entirely there will be no going back for me. Now I have to convince myself that the fear is irrelevant. I must move forward.
The last text he sent after our serious conversation was interesting. Watching him own up to his mistakes is impressive to me, regardless of if he stays in his situation or not. This is why I love him so, I believe he listens and changes and doesn’t remain mired in his own beliefs. He allows influence, and adapts.
I’m off to travel and while I am sad, I welcome the diversion for a week.
Here’s his last text:
I’ve spent the majority of the day reflecting on our conversations during the night. Specifically, the fact that you’re right. At the end of the day I’m both a liar and a cheat and have been behaving that way for the last 7 months. No way around it. It’s true and I’m rather ashamed no matter how much energy I put into defending and justifying.
You’re also right in fearing whether that behavior will continue once my situation is resolved.
I don’t think it will but I can’t say that because obviously I’m capable of doing it and quite often.
It’s also clear that you deserve to be with someone who won’t exhibit that behavior.
I’m so thankful and happy that you came into my life. You’ve made me a better person (despite my obvious faults) and allowed me to experience full love, which had been missing for so many years
I hope I get a second chance once my smoke clears but understand it when you say that once you moved on, that’s it.
I will always love you. Today, tomorrow and beyond. You’ll always be my girl in my heart of hearts and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and if it’s meant to be, it will be.