And the Days Go By…..

After Bennett called last week, we did continue speaking in a very ad hoc way.  There has been no rhyme or reason to our contact.

 

I wasn’t reaching out first but I did reply after a while.  Some days we spoke, some we didn’t, until we started back with regularity this week.

My frustration with our situation hasn’t changed, nor has communicating it to him.  But, he seems to be in a worse way than I am. I think today was the first day he sent a typical “good morning” text.

I miss him, of course I miss him, but the situation is the same.  I don’t think speaking to him is helping or hindering me at this point because I know that unless the situation changes I can’t be with him any longer.  Talk is cheap at this point.  I never thought I would hear myself say that to be quite honest.

I know staying with him is fruitless until he makes a move, any move, to end his marriage.

He is literally sick over our ending, as was I this weekend, but I have really tried to resort my focus on my job and throw myself into it at this point.  Even my kids are getting neglected as I wear myself out here at work.  This may not be the “right” way to handle this break-up but it’s something I can control and be successful at….and I need that now.

Tears come and go, it all depends on when the wave of grief hits.  He has asked to speak to me face-to-face and I agreed.  I want to be with him, so that will be a challenge for me….the physical connection is so strong with me and it’s what I have resorted to in the past.  I am trying not to allow that to happen this time.

While I know it “shouldn’t matter” to me how he feels, I still do.  Hearing the pain in his voice is awful, knowing he is miserable is hard, but none of it makes me want to change my mind.  I wish he had someone he could trust and talk to, no matter what the resolution, but he believes no one will really understand how he feels about me.

My head is in a whole different place this time, I am fighting for myself.  Maybe it’s a slow process, but its working for me.  I need to hold steady.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

10 thoughts on “And the Days Go By…..”

  1. I know this is incredibly tough … but seeing him will only make it harder. You shouldn’t be communicating with him at all, if as you say, you have made your mind up. Until he takes positive steps to ending the current home situation, you are only further torturing yourself. He knos what he has to do to have you. By communicating, you are letting him off the hook, and making him think he will be able to change your mind.

    Liked by 9 people

  2. I second everything that Marty has said. By remaining in contact you are easing Bennetts pain..letting him have you while he gets over you and only prolonging your pain. It’s not your job to ease suffering…this is ultimately his choice.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. WHY. This will do neither of you any good, and only add to both your pain and agony. In all honesty, Madeline, I actually think it’s rather cruel and selfish. Please rethink this strategy. Time to move on and grow up. Cease all contact!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Don’t meet him, stop talking to him. I know this sounds harsh, but you need to rip that bandaid off cleanly. He’s not going to change his situation unless he’s ready. I’m sorry to be harsh, but you are wasting your time. End the drama by ending the communication.

    It’s good & natural that he feels pain. If he didn’t, then wouldn’t you feel worse? Breakups are hard, but he needs to process this himself. Talking and/or seeing him doesn’t help – it just prolongs his grief. I realize this is hard on you, but this breakup is part of your journey – the growth of M. Strong women need to know how to end relationships that aren’t healthy. Strong women learn this by doing. You are a strong woman. Do it.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I couldn’t agree more with everyone above. If I added anything, it would be an experience I had where I was the one who wanted to be with him because the pain was so great. Turns out, it only made me hurt worse, but it didn’t change anything. He wasn’t coming back to me, and holding me while I cried just added to the painful memories I was left with.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I could (and should) the chorus above, but there is no point if you are deadset on meeting him. I think back to my analogy about addiction a few posts back; try to adopt that mindset. Bennett wants to see you because he is addicted to you and the withdrawal makes him feel like he is dying, but he is not. Withdrawal is supposed to hurt really badly. Seeing you won’t make things better in the long run. It only prolongs the withdrawal. What hurts him now is not so much missing you, but in your absence he has to sit with himself, with his feelings, with his dissatisfaction for where his life has taken him, and he doesn’t have the strength yet to be at peace with that. He just wants to dive into you and hide. But, you are feeling similarly taxed. Perhaps it is hard for you to look at your own self, see yourself without a man in your life, and have it not affect your self-esteem. You may end up seeing him. If you do, chances are good that it will be romantic. If you do, you will be emotionally set back, and you will have to live with the fact that you busted your own set of values, which will feel sh*tty. If you do, that will be your responsibility.

    Liked by 2 people

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