I initially didn’t do a very good job of bringing up the Christmas gifts with Bennett and chose the wrong time and started an argument between us.
So I waited a few weeks, until I thought coast was clear, and I mentioned it to him again this morning….that I would like to exchange my Christmas gifts for something else.
He attacked immediately, telling me “how could I not find that gift useful?” and then claiming I didn’t want it for other reasons.
Well, the other reasons are true, but I don’t want the gift in any case. I don’t want it for the reasons that it wasn’t romantic and it was tech, but I really don’t want any expensive gift that will sit on a shelf and gather dust. In my opinion that’s $750 of pure waste. Frankly, I can do a lot with that money that would make me happy.
So we argued a little bit back and forth and he told me to do whatever I want with it.
Then he made a joke that he would take it and find someone to use it.
Maybe the hot girl at the bar last night he was telling me about.
That joke was in poor taste, I was already upset about the fact that we couldn’t have a normal discussion over returning the gift, and I said goodbye and hung up the phone on him.
I’m already stressed this week because I know the end is near and I wanted to resolve the gift. It made me crazy this weekend as I was cleaning up the Christmas debris to see the pile stacked on my desk already gathering dust.
I knew it wouldn’t be an easy conversation but I thought since time had passed and he knew I was unhappy with my gift that he would be receptive to allowing me to exchange it for something else.
I was wrong.
And I feel the exact same that I felt every time I told my x husband I didn’t want or like something he purchased for me – that what I want is “wrong” because what they got me was somehow “better” for me than what I wanted for myself.
He even threw in that I didn’t tell him what to get me…and when I said “that’s not true” he said “you have more jewelry than anyone I know, why do you need more jewelry?” He also claims the time for returning it is past. I don’t buy that, all Christmas gifts can generally be exchanged until end January.
One thing I have learned about Bennett, since he was already mad at me for bringing up the gift, and then hanging up on him….I doubt I will hear from him because he will remain stubborn.
My stress level with him is much too high since his mother has died and getting through the holidays. Strangely (or perhaps not so strangely) things sort of tilted back to the way they were last week as we got back into our routines and he has been wonderful.
Perhaps it was a mistake to bring the gift up at all and I should have sucked it up…but in a way, that makes me mad. If I received a gift I won’t use or really don’t like, why should it go to waste? Should I have just let it go?
It seems so, in his opinion.
I’ve come back to write a postscript – I believe I realize that raising the issue of the gift highlights a larger problem between us. I am sure I made him mad enough to be upset with me and want to back-off again. While I was planning to speak to him about it on Thursday, I will be surprised if we make it til then.
I am mad at myself that I couldn’t just shut up until Thursday and do it on my terms like I planned. Now I put the ball in his court.