It’s been a long, long time that I have felt like I do right now, so I just had to write about it.
I recall many times last year, going on dates that I was excited for and writing a little short post to express the butterflies or my nervousness and hopes that all went well.
For some reason, still inexplicable to me, I am crazy about meeting Bennett tonight.
We are staying in a great hotel that we both adore, going to a favorite restaurant where I get to have my oysters, lobsters and prosecco, and then get to spend the night together. All arranged by Bennett and I all have to do is show up and look pretty. I have killer red suede heels on tonight and a sexy black dress and I feel great.
He is as excited as I am and we are like two teens going on our first date with the one you have had a crush on for so long that you can’t even believe the time has come to go out with them.
Can you tell I’m gushing?
So you know what I did to myself today? Something pretty stupid. Wasn’t worth it.
I have stayed away from social media and Bennett for the very reason I should – it’s none of my business and nothing good can come from it. But I asked him to send a friend request on Facebook and he did, although hesitantly, because he had already explained what I would see.
The appearance of a very happy family.
Bennett doesn’t post family photos, he posts photos of himself with his children and refrains from saying “we”. His wife, however, clearly gives the impression of a whole and happy family.
So, I start to think, will he really be able to leave that? She has no idea and obviously likes their family the way it is. Maybe she will give him a very hard time when/if he does tell her. Maybe he has no intention of telling her and I am the fool.
And I go right down the rabbit hole…..my fault. I do it to myself.
The truth is, I don’t know what to believe. Anyone’s theories (including my own) don’t matter. Typical affair behavior doesn’t matter. All that matters is I take care of myself. I will not allow myself to be broken by a man ever again.
So, for now, tonight, I am going to go have an amazing time with a man I love. I’m not going to badger him or even bring it up. I cannot influence this change, this is fully on him.
But I can choose to be happy with my lot.
And, tonight, I am. Thrilled. He’s mine tonight.
I will think about tomorrow another day.