What? What could I really say?
I said I needed him to start the conversation with his wife because I continue to be frustrated intermittently.
What else can I say?
I am also hedging on the point of actually breaking it off with him….why do I have to do that if I feel happiness almost continually? This frustration I experienced yesterday is relatively rare. I don’t like feeling it. It’s so much better to just live in the moment.
Today he told me that I was terse, but he clearly understood what I needed and why. It didn’t hold much water because he still had no plan. I felt better for getting it off my chest. When I saw him for lunch today I was happy and comfortable with no sense of lingering regret that there is no clear action.
I flip flop from one thought to the other, nothing really remains concrete except the solid feeling that I love him, immensely. And if that’s the case, I need to be patient.
Being patient feels like the right choice for me. I don’t feel any sense of urgency to change things. Sometimes I also wonder why I think that…do I not want to disrupt my life enough to have someone be constantly part of it? Do I like having the ability (if I chose to take it) to do whatever I want with no repercussion? Part of me thinks there’s some ulterior motive within me that I haven’t quite yet uncovered.
I don’t like nagging him and it just feels off to me. I have chosen to believe him and I should stand behind my own choices and shut up about it already.