I spent a lot of time compiling a list of all the “requirements” I had for the perfect mate.
Needless to say, my list was long.
Based on discussions with friends, chances are the list is much too long. But I went back and tried to edit and, frankly, I couldn’t figure out what my real top ten requirements were because when I dropped one I sat there and thought, no, I can’t live without that.
Here was the ultimate list I came up with……
- A man who can think for himself
- Strong shoulders (not in the physical sense though this is my favorite physical attribute)
- Calm communicator/great listener/sound advice giver
- Not a complainer
- Handsome and tall (not bald)
- Sexy and sexual
- Above 40 and under 48
- Interested in me, responsive, caring
- Witty sense of humour, can elicit belly laughs from me including in bed
- Solid career/ambition/white-collar/makes money
- wants to spend his money, doesn’t worry about it all the time
- wants to travel the world
In addition to my own criteria, there is an article out there called “18 qualities every alpha female needs in a boyfriend” and I feel that many of these are very relevant for me as well:
- He someone you can tease and can tease you
- He challenges you
- He doesn’t get jealous
- He isn’t waiting on you but has his own plans
- He doesn’t air your dirty laundry
- He knows how to deal with your bad moods
- When he apologizes he really means it
- He’s moving at the same speed as you
- He doesn’t belittle you but he doesn’t put you on a pedestal either (don’t agree with the way this is worded, I want someone to hold up my pedestal!)
- He is someone who teaches but never lectures
- He makes you laugh
- He will call you out when you need to be called out
- He wants to be the wind beneath your wings
- He isn’t the life of the party but is always there is you need to be carried home (don’t agree with this, I like the life of a party)
- His opinions aren’t irrational they are backed up
- He has dreams as big as yours (this isn’t hard as I don’t really have specific dreams)
- He knows when to drop it and when to address it
- He is a great listener but also expects to be heard
So when I looked at these two long lists again, I didn’t find anything that needed to be removed that was originally part of what I deemed important in a relationship.
I think I would add a few though:
21. Not married
22. Holds my pedestal steady, is the wind beneath my wings.
Otherwise, the list still holds weight.
So, when evaluating any partner for dating, this list has come into play since last year.
Bobby fulfilled many items on the list, as did Ayden for a short time. Ayden lost interest in me so there was no possibility for exploring more. Those were the only two that came that close to checking off the boxes.
And then along comes Bennett, who hits every single item on the list (not #21) plus some that I didn’t even think were important (like his ability to communicate his depth of love for me).
I pulled the list out again because I was thinking about why Bennett feels so right to me….and I got my answer in my own requirements. It must be unusual that he fulfills all of them?
Except that elusive #21….I can’t seem to stay away from the unavailable men, can I?