I Didn’t Think People Wanted to Read a Love Story

Last night ASV asked me why I’ve been so quiet.   One of my replies, other than genuinely being busy with life, was that I didn’t think people wanted to hear about a mushy romance between Bennett and I.

And, yes, that’s where it is 3 months later.

I’m not only doing everything I swore up and down I would never do again, I’m in neck-deep.  I fell in love.

It doesn’t mean I entirely ignore his situation. Sometimes there is a little tension, mostly in discussion if it should lead back that way.  But I’m trying to just enjoy this for what it is. I’m tying not to put a label on it or think too far ahead.

The biggest difference is how he feels about me and his responses to me. I always wondered why I could never meet someone who loved the way I love. Cue Bennett. He is such a reflection of me that, at times, its uncanny.  We feel the same way about so many things.  We show affection in the same depth. We think along the same lines about so many things.

I’m so deeply in love with this man who I can’t even find the words to explain it.

So, maybe over the next few days, I will write the love story and bore you all to tears.  I haven’t written for a multitude of reasons, many of which are very good.  I have had a pretty amazing past 5 months not working.  I am at peace with myself (mostly) and have allowed myself to become attached to Bennett.

I am not fooling myself into believing this is an easy road, but I do believe it’s a different one than the one I walked before.  Of course the commonality of Bennett being married remains, but I strongly feel all else is different, including me.

So, after speaking to Ann, I thought it over and decided I would like to write about Bennett.  I have avoided it because I don’t need anyone to tell me it’s wrong and get out (I already know that, but it’s not stopping me from doing it) or that I should be cautious with my heart (yep, know that too).  I didn’t actually want to share what I consider a little bit of a fantasy these past few months, but (as Ann so kindly reminded me) writing is therapeutic and gives perspective, and it’s the reason I chose to write in the first place.

With that said, I also have to write diametrically opposed views.  The view that I am deeply in love as well as the view that I am in an impossible situation.  I don’t find that easy to acknowledge or articulate.  So, I haven’t…..but, I am going to give it a spin and see where I net out.

I took my hiatus and want to try to start writing again.  I think it’s time. Let’s see what I can come up with.

 

 

 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

19 thoughts on “I Didn’t Think People Wanted to Read a Love Story”

  1. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been. In fact, most of the people I follow (which isn’t many anyway) have been writing with significantly less frequency. I wondered if there’s just something in the air, because I’m not writing much either.
    Anyway, I’m glad you’re back to writing. You’re very brave to do so – as we all know there are plenty of people out there hiding behind their computer screens with judgement jumping from their fingertips. Of course all the things you expect to hear, and have acknowledged, are the immediate thoughts that come to mind, but I am not judging.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are no perfect people, enjoy your life. No one can understand your relationship more than you. Go for what makes YOU happy! I wish you the very best. Ps. Sounds like J and I nearly 5 years post meeting. ❤️❤️❤️😘😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We only ride this train once in this lifetime. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong. Yes J and I would like more, but it’s not going to happen in the near future of either of us. We don’t let that stop us. We have lots of time together doing exactly what we want. He is not only my lover, but has become one of my best friends. He cares about me, something I have never experienced in my life and I’m not about to give it up. I know exactly what I am doing and so does he. We are both intelligent people who have found something in our lives that we enjoy. I don’t want to disrupt his family and he does not want to disrupt mine. We just enjoy each other’s company for traveling and seeing each other quite frequently.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know and I always admire how you are able to balance the love and emotion with the responsibility.

        For perhaps the first time, I don’t doubt how much or why someone loves me. At least, not since I’m a teen or in my early twenties. I questioned the love of my x as well as Bobby and it’s refreshing not to have to think about Bennett. Maybe that’s what will be different this time … but I am not focusing on it the same way, I’m trying to let it be and let love.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I always found that I wrote more when times were bad as it helped me to unpack it all and sort things out. When times felt good there was less desire to write..who really wants to have to face any of the difficulties when things are otherwise so good.

    Each relationship is different and you are different now as well. It’s your road to travel regardless of the opinion of others…hopefully you will find writing it all out to be helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are certainly right and I realized this for myself over the summer. I didn’t have much to say in my happy stage and I found it kind of dull. I like to have “something” to say, even to myself! The summer proved to be a time of self reflection and something I needed for myself.

      As for Bennett, I suppose we shall see where the road leads.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I read the title of this post and wondered why it matters whether or not we want to read a love story or not. Speaking for myself, I am interested in what is going on in your life. It’s not always pretty and fun and sometimes the posts make me cringe and feverently wish you made different choices, but that’s life, and in this case it’s YOUR life. I’m glad you’re writing again, but even gladder that the unemployment time has been good for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your comment made me laugh….I wasn’t so fussed about what anyone really thought, I suppose, at the core, perhaps I wasn’t ready to engage and Ann even suggested turning off the comments.

      The time has been amazing for me and probably one of the best times of my life in fact.

      Thanks for always being here for me 🙂

      Like

  5. When I met David, I wasn’t sure I was interested and when I realized I was, he found someone less complicated. It didn’t stop us. We both were cheating. Mine because I wasn’t open. He was in a monogamous relationship with someone. Who knows what tomorrow holds.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s