Last night ASV asked me why I’ve been so quiet. One of my replies, other than genuinely being busy with life, was that I didn’t think people wanted to hear about a mushy romance between Bennett and I.
And, yes, that’s where it is 3 months later.
I’m not only doing everything I swore up and down I would never do again, I’m in neck-deep. I fell in love.
It doesn’t mean I entirely ignore his situation. Sometimes there is a little tension, mostly in discussion if it should lead back that way. But I’m trying to just enjoy this for what it is. I’m tying not to put a label on it or think too far ahead.
The biggest difference is how he feels about me and his responses to me. I always wondered why I could never meet someone who loved the way I love. Cue Bennett. He is such a reflection of me that, at times, its uncanny. We feel the same way about so many things. We show affection in the same depth. We think along the same lines about so many things.
I’m so deeply in love with this man who I can’t even find the words to explain it.
So, maybe over the next few days, I will write the love story and bore you all to tears. I haven’t written for a multitude of reasons, many of which are very good. I have had a pretty amazing past 5 months not working. I am at peace with myself (mostly) and have allowed myself to become attached to Bennett.
I am not fooling myself into believing this is an easy road, but I do believe it’s a different one than the one I walked before. Of course the commonality of Bennett being married remains, but I strongly feel all else is different, including me.
So, after speaking to Ann, I thought it over and decided I would like to write about Bennett. I have avoided it because I don’t need anyone to tell me it’s wrong and get out (I already know that, but it’s not stopping me from doing it) or that I should be cautious with my heart (yep, know that too). I didn’t actually want to share what I consider a little bit of a fantasy these past few months, but (as Ann so kindly reminded me) writing is therapeutic and gives perspective, and it’s the reason I chose to write in the first place.
With that said, I also have to write diametrically opposed views. The view that I am deeply in love as well as the view that I am in an impossible situation. I don’t find that easy to acknowledge or articulate. So, I haven’t…..but, I am going to give it a spin and see where I net out.
I took my hiatus and want to try to start writing again. I think it’s time. Let’s see what I can come up with.