Considering I’m not working, I can’t even believe how busy I am. Days pass filled to the point where I collapse exhausted.
I over committed this week because I never like to have too much down time and finally realized that I had to put myself first in order to do what’s best for me. Wrangling my children and my x isn’t always easy because of the humans involved. It’s not like a work project that I can schedule and manage towards a deadline. These humans change things on the fly throwing an entire morning, or even a day, into disarray. Then they wonder why I am not always compliant with their changing needs since “I have nothing else to do.”
But see, that’s where they are wrong. I have plenty to do. I spend time at the gym, on a schedule I keep each week. I have books to read, a house and family to run, vacations to plan, and actively ramping up my job search and networking activities. So much to fit into a day that my days have filled to the brim.
I admit I could wake an hour earlier, but why should I? I don’t have to spend at least a half hour-to-hour each morning on my back deck with my coffee chatting on the phone, reading or simply sitting and looking at the nature around me. But I do this now because I can. I never could do this before because there was no time to slow down. I have built in some down time to be grateful every morning. To think about my life and what I want from it in this next chapter.
I’m breathing slowly and feeling healthy. My kids and x just have to get over it. I say no to them often and feel less guilt. I’m not a maid because I’m out of work. My kids have been spoiled their entire lives by nannies so I get it, change is hard for them too, but they are too old to stay spoiled and while I can teach them the value of time, of my time especially – I will.
With all that said, I’m taking a blog break. I’m about to head out west for our California vacation for a few weeks and any stories kicking around in my head can wait. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve allowed the men to dwindle down to almost nothing. Bennett remains in the picture on a consistent basis and Ayden will probably check in on me once or twice before asking me out after vacation. The others are much more peripheral players and can drop by the wayside and I wouldn’t much care. I’ve been so busy with life, and constant communication from Bennett, that there’s no time for much else and that’s ok.
I may find time to write on vacation, maybe not. But wishing everyone a very happy August and enjoy the home stretch of summer.
I know I will.