Do people come into your life for a reason?
I believe they do.
And I believe I discovered Aydens reason and I’m simply pleased as punch.
Many years ago I took a course which, at the time, was called The Forum. It was a derivative of est. For those that are unfamiliar, here is a quick definition of the course evolution:
“Erhard Seminars Training (marketed as est, though often encountered as EST or Est), an organization founded by Werner Erhard, offered a two-weekend (60-hour) course known officially as “The est Standard Training”. The purpose of the seminar was “to transform one’s ability to experience living so that the situations one had been trying to change or had been putting up with, clear up just in the process of life itself.” It “brought to the forefront the ideas of transformation, personal responsibility, accountability, and possibility.” (taken from Wikipedia)
The last est training was held in December 1984 in San Francisco; in its place came a newly developed course called “The Forum“, which began in January 1985. The est training presented several concepts, most notably the concept of transformation and taking responsibility for one’s life. The actual teaching, called “the technology of transformation”, emphasizes the value of integrity.
“est, Inc.” evolved into “est, an Educational Corporation”, and eventually into “Werner Erhard & Associates”. In 1991 the business was sold to the employees who formed a new company called Landmark Education with Erhard’s brother, Harry Rosenberg, becoming the CEO. Landmark Education was structured as a for-profit, employee-owned company; it operates with a consulting division called Vanto Group.” (taken from Wikipedia)
More simply put, est, The Forum, or Landmark Forum (as it is now known) helps set free certain “scripts” in our lives and sets us on the path of transformation. The theory is called Ontological Coaching. This type of coaching is an extraordinarily powerful methodology for effecting change for individuals. It is highly effective because it is based on a new deeply grounded and practical understanding of language, moods and conversations for behavioural and cultural transformation.
It’s heavy stuff. It’s the kind of stuff you really need to believe in for it to work. You have to subscribe to the ability to change yourself to impact this type of change. Transformative learning instead of informational learning.
So back to the Ayden part of the story….while Ayden and I were attempting to schedule a date a while ago, he told me he was attending The Landmark Forum and suddenly, a flood of memories rushed at me.
It was like finding a key to secret room you stumbled across. A room full of long-held secret weapons you had at your disposal all along and had shut away. A shed of amazing tools!
Since I associate important events with the people or situations that surrounded them, Ayden will now always be associated with guiding me to this toolshed of treasures.
I started reading about The Forum again. I dug out some of my old books and ordered a few new ones. I was able to throw myself right back to the time I took the course and recall how impactful and powerful this course was in my life.
I realized something very important as well. I believed in these theories and my ability to impact change within myself. I subscribed to a better way of being through this course. And then, I got married and allowed a man who was close minded to tell me the things I had learned, this type of behavior I was demonstrating was ridiculous, unnecessary and I was foolish. I let this happen to me. He didn’t do this to me, it was just his small-minded way of thinking and behaving and now I subscribed to his beliefs in an effort to be a better wife and partner. I realize one of my biggest mistakes in marriage, how I let go of the person I believed I could be and tried to be someone I wasn’t. He married me for the person I was but then he didn’t want her, he wanted her to become a shadow of her original self because then he could control her. That worked for a long, long while.
Until it didn’t.
Finally, over the past few years, I realized I had let go of this person. For those of you on the blog journey with me, you have seen many of my realizations and changes in action. But, going through the course material again reminded me that I have always known a better way of being, and I have control of that. Ann would call this a “locus of control” and The Forum did teach me that many years ago, I just promptly put these learnings away while I focused on marriage and child-rearing. Instead of utilizing the tools I had created, I stored them in a long forgotten shed.
Ayden simply shone the light for me and I remember the shed now. I’ve cleared away some weeds in the last week and I’m working on getting into it again. There are powerful tools in there, things I can use during this change period of my life, tools I must access again to remain positive, healthy and in control of what comes next.
The Forum taught me my life is a river. I can paddle against the flow, allow myself to drift with it, or understand exactly where I am going and see my destination. And then, get there. Get to my new way of being.
So I’m going to think about it again. I’m going to visualize my river and find where I am going. I’m going to rediscover my “rackets.”
“The main activity of the Landmark is to make—not urge—participants to apologize to the people around them for the “rackets” they have dumped on them. A racket is a state of being, a story one tells oneself where one is a victim in a permanent state of complaint. We are constantly affixing “stories” to events rather than seeing the separation between “event” and “interpretation,” and these stories are usually based in our self-righteous feeling of being wronged.” (credit: Huffpost)
I realize now why last week with Ayden was suddenly so different for me. I had become thankful. The Forum was had a sincere impact in my life but I allowed the tenets and learnings to be put away in that shed. I realize all Ayden did was remind me, but I consider it an immense gift to be grateful because it makes me feel as though I am surrounded in love and abundance. There is no objective reason to be grateful, other than feeling the grace flow through. Perhaps that’s why the sex was so good. Perhaps that’s why I was able to just enjoy the time spent with him for what it was. I’m not positive why, but something did change in my attitude toward Ayden last week, and I like how it feels.