The Bennett story starts here.
Bennett certainly filled a lot of space the first week we spoke. Under normal circumstances, or unless I was completely smitten, it would have been too much. But, as it stands, my time is my own and I can answer text quickly and engage more readily than if I was working. I’m always driving to and fro for the kids and it’s quite simple for a quick phone call. As I enjoy my morning coffee on the back deck, it’s easy to have a lovely conversation knowing someone woke with you on their mind and that you will make their day by giving them your attention.
The way he responded to me drove me to respond to him in kind. To be on this side of limerence is awfully powerful and I am not trying to take advantage of him, I like how this feels and I know he likes how I am making him feel.
None of this is as particularly thought out as it appears in writing this post, speaking to Bennett is the easiest thing in the world because he is so interested in me. I am a natural communicator and I am emotionally generous. I send lots of sweet nothings and emoticons in my text when someone is doing that for me. I like to flirt.
Bennett asked me out and we settled on a first date. As the day drew closer and the schedules became more erratic, it seemed like the most logical and easy conclusion would be to ask him to come to my home. I was just arriving back from the beach, and he was driving quite far to see me. We would both be tired, it was hot and humid, and this would be the easiest way.
I already knew some things about Bennett’s personality at this point. He was kind, gregarious and relatively simple in his desires. He wanted to be loved and happy. He was the type that would be thrilled to hold hands and have nothing happen for a long time. I know beyond a doubt our overall sexual styles wouldn’t match. I would probably scare him to death if he knew how aggressively I wanted to have sex. He was going to be the type of man to “make-love” the first time. I’ve kind of gotten used to this with Ayden now, so it doesn’t put me off. I realize it’s just a different style to start (sort of like kissing without a tongue though I am still not down for that!)
He was also the type of man who just wanted to know everything about me. From my first kiss through to yesterday. Any information he could get his hands on to build a better picture of Madeline. And he listens, oh my he listens so well. He remembers all the details and has already built a timeline of my life. Bennett continues to tell me that he is waiting for something that will make me less appealing in his eyes but he hasn’t yet found it.
I know he hasn’t asked the right questions (about my dating) and that’s ok, for now.
Bennett asked for photos all the time. Of my feet, my hands, my neck, my face. I sent some provocative ones, but nothing revealing any bits. I could tell by his reaction he had never received anything like this in his life. It sort of became a theme for the next week or so. Each time I revealed a bit more sexually, I realized just how naive or inexperienced he was. It reminds me how fascinated I was as the Pandora Box of sex opened for me after separation. It’s a pretty heady feeling. Combine that with his limerence and he was honestly and truly unable to function for the week leading up to meeting me.
He kept making a joke that I should wear a snorkel jacket or a burka to our first date, but even then he thought he would have a hard time thinking straight. I have been struck by someone’s physical appearance enough that I get instant chills (certainly it happened with Denver) but it doesn’t make me speechless.
The night arrived and I prepared a charcuterie and cheese plate, chilled some sparkling wine and waited. I had a loose-fitting black dress on and heels (at his request). When the doorbell rang, I quickly pulled my winter parka (full length, to the knees, fur hood – think of Kenny in Southpark) and threw it over my dress.
When I opened the door, the first time he saw me (after the failed Tinder date), I was wearing a winter coat, completely covered and a big grin.
He nearly jumped through the door to kiss me. Somewhere between the laughter and the limerence he was entirely overwhelmed and could barely say hello. He was sweating profusely and clearly very rattled. We made out for a while, until I was too hot and had to remove the coat, and then just giggled and smiled like teenagers. It was a long time before he was capable of speech, so I drew him into the kitchen and poured some wine.
I do not ever recall having this effect on a man before. And, strangely, this makes me proceed very gently with him which is really not my style.
Further, while Bennett is cute, he really isn’t my type. Relatively innocuous looking, he doesn’t fit my full head of dark hair and ruggedly handsome typical appeal. He has small, close set eyes and a sweet smile, with scruff on his face that helps make him appear less boyish. He is somewhat stocky and stands a solid 6′ tall. My friends would tell me I am out of his league.
But, somehow, his other charms have gotten under my usually thick skin. I am attracted to him.
The first half of the night went on like this for a bit, until I became hungry. He couldn’t wipe the grin from his face, he couldn’t keep his hands from touching me, and he was mostly unable to speak and only stare.
He was in a vulnerable state when I began asking him the serious questions about his marriage, and he did come clean, though he was pretty certain he was leaving after telling the truth and I could see how crestfallen he was becoming. In his mind, his marriage is over. However, even though his wife had already cheated on him and they hadn’t had sex in many years, he had now moved back for financial reasons, and they are living separate lives under the same roof. The story so closely mirrors my own it’s frightening in its similarity.
It’s not a matter of whether I believe him or not, it’s irrelevant to me. I know this is not a situation I should be tangled up in and I know it’s no good for me. In the past I may have pressed him for more definitive information, but I considered that this was short-term and the pressure it was placing on him was so obvious that I didn’t much care to pursue additional details.
He couldn’t eat at all once I started asking the questions.
Eventually, when I stopped grilling him, I grabbed our one lone, broken guitar and got him to play a song for me to calm him down. He was still so visibly disarmed by me that I was somewhat fascinated. When he started singing, chills went through my body. His voice just hits something inside of me and turns me on. Once I leaned into to him to start kissing, his nerves subsided enough to take better advantage of the situation and we began to fool around.
He hands explored every inch of me as well as his mouth, and when he found I was wearing no panties, the sigh he released was unbelievable. He politely asked if he could touch and then kiss me there. His tongue is magic and I came quite easy for him. After, I led him to my bedroom to shower because he had been sweating for hours at this point. I am not fussy about much in the bedroom, but I don’t like body odor and I could smell him. I didn’t want to get turned off because of it so it was easier to ask him to shower.
As Bennett showered I disrobed and crawled into bed. As crazy as it sounds, I knew we wouldn’t be having sex. This was much more about an emotional connection for him, a way to please me, my only role was to be there for him. So, that’s exactly what I did. I snuggled into him, we kissed and talked, he sang some more for me, and I gently stroked his cock.
However, any red-blooded man can only stand so much gentle cock stroking and I can see how engorged he was becoming. I asked him what he would like to do about it. I suggested he masturbate for me and he was thrilled that I would be turned on by watching him so he readily agreed. Afterwards, he sheepishly admitted that he had not done that for anyone before.
He wanted to please me again so we pulled out a toy and he helped bring me to another orgasm, once again admitting he had never done anything so thrilling.
The feeling of lying next to someone who was simply just pleased to be close to me is sort of indescribable. I’ve been in many situations where I’m in love with the person I’m with and that person loves me back and I feel cherished, but this is something entirely different.
It’s a bit like a drug.
We lie in bed for a while, talking, before it was time to go. I could sense he would prefer to stay, but I thought it better he didn’t. While this was all about emotion for Bennett, I had no idea what is was for me, and I didn’t want to go any further into it without more thought.
What had started to occur to me was how long it had been since I felt like this. Cared for. It’s quite a simple concept, for a man to be kind and gentle. To worry about the woman first. To admire and adore the person they are with. As ASV mentioned in a recent post, the dating world is sorely lacking in things we would consider basic tenet of human kindness, so when we get these things, they can bring forth emotions that are perhaps, unexpected.
Bennett makes my heart swell with emotion because he is good to me in the most simple manner.
I can’t recall ever being the object of such a crush before, even Finnian’s fascination with me cannot hold a candle to Bennett’s infatuation.
I admit, I am drawn to him for some deeper reason than I can fully identify.