Man Babies | 2

You can read about my first man baby here.

Finn takes the cake for Man Baby #2 of the evening.

I have come to realize I have lost all patience for nonsense with grown men.  I don’t want to play games, I am direct and honest, I am pleasant and fun to be around and I am tired of people sucking out my emotional energy.  I have no time to be less than happy.  I can be miserable on my own without having a grown man act like a child.

Finn was due to meet the group at the party.  He was on the phone when we arrived so I passed him with a hello and entered with my sister.  There were a few things Finn and I had discussed before the party which I felt should have been clear 

Some of my friends he had met and some were new, but I would be a social butterfly at my own divorce party, especially with my sister in tow.  Honestly, when my sister is around I have eyes for no one but her.

Here was our run-down….all discussions I had with Finn:

After the party we would figure out a place for dinner.

After dinner we would go to the gay strip club.

At some point during the party he had to leave to help his brother get off to the airport but would return.

There was, obviously, enough discussion about how the night would play out.  Finn had also spent the evening before in LB’s bed, so besides knowing my local girlfriends, he had an intimate knowledge of LB.  He should have more than enough people to interact with.

I guess he didn’t.

As people arrived, I moved away from him.  I caught his eye several times during the night, but didn’t spend time with him.  To be truly honest, I sort of just forgot he was there and I got pretty slammed with my sister around.

We left the Happy Hour and found ourselves heading to BBQ across the street.  The place was lively and fun and everyone was super hungry at this point of the night.  LB danced with Finn a bit and then I even got up to join.  I think everyone was happy, I don’t know because I was drinking too much.

We went to split the check and I knew one of my friends had no money and I didn’t want to embarrass her so I asked Finn to pick up the check and I would split it with him after.  I didn’t realize that it then looked like he paid the bill for everyone.  Probably making me look like even more of a user.

Finn wanted to leave at this point which I got a little mad at.  He had agreed to accompany us to the Gay Strip Club and both LB and I knew he was more than a little bisexual.  Finn and I discussed going to the club and he was excited about sharing the experience with me.

But perhaps my behavior throughout the night turned him off.  Maybe I said something about him paying for things and maybe I wasn’t nice.  Chances are good my mouth ran ahead of my brain.

We went back to the hotel and squeezed into the small room so one friend could get dressed up and share a special bottle of Rose she had brought along.  We didn’t need to be drinking anymore at this point, but drunks don’t stop.

At some point, my sister (maybe) started talking about dick pics and all the girls whipped out their phones to review and discuss.  Ok, this was pretty low and probably upsetting for Finn.  Not a good move and totally juvenile, but he wanted to be one of the girls tonight and he got the full dose.

He had been obviously unhappy, actually virtually pouting,  since the Happy Hour and the face just continued to the point of true sour-puss.  He stood up and left, clearly fussed.

I didn’t care in the moment.  Or for many days after.

He apologized to me the next morning for leaving when he said he would stay and go the bar.  LB wrote to him and apologized for him being uncomfortable.

I didn’t write anything.

Until today.  Today I came to my senses that I acted in an entirely ridiculous and embarrassing manner to my own character.  It happens with me.  I get on my high horse for whatever reason (in this case: being surrounded by so many empowering people who were there for me combined with the alcohol did it).

Plus, something else is going on with me that I can’t yet identify…more about that in another post.

But, regarding Finn, I was wrong an childish and I wrote and apology to him.

I was very careful not to send any emoticons or hidden message that we should continue, this is a natural ending to a dysfunctional relationship.  We can’t continue as friends.  LB is right in stating he is happy to be in my wake, but he wants more from me than I can give.  I think it’s the right time to break with Finn now.

Part of me is actually sad about this, there is something compatible, safe and sweet about him.  But, I cannot be his teacher while he figures out his sexuality and that’s the core of the issue.  I cannot take him by the hand.

Finn replied immediately:

Hi M.  I completely understand and we’re 100% ok.  All I want assurance of is that you and I have further lobster cracking, oyster chomping and Prosecco drinking in our future.  You’re a special person and you’re very special to me (happy emotions and hearts)

I haven’t replied.

I couldn’t handle his growing sense of unease around me when I was perhaps not at my best.  A friend manages through this and laughs with you, but it made me realize hard and fast he’s not a friend and he does demand more of me or he is going to pout.

In writing these two posts, and having a weekend of excess that, frankly, was even too much for me, I have come to realize I hit a wall.  I was like a speeding train the last two weeks waiting for LB and this weekend and I got out of hand.  While I had immense fun, I don’t like my behavior and know I am better than this.

Lessons learned.

Now how to handle the final break with Finn…well, that I have to figure out.

And it seems like I have some more things to figure out about myself as I navigate the loss of a career/job/identity, a large income and fitting in a role I was not sculpted for: the full-time, stay-at-home mother.

I’m not a horrible person, I’m just not in the mood to date these men and deal with their antics and requisite amount of attention.  I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of my behavior this weekend so I need to be more careful about the choices I am making…even when it’s supposed to be all in good fun.

I should have left the men out of the equation on Friday evening and just enjoyed the sex club romp on Saturday.  Instead, I had a negative engagement with two men…and if not for the fact of being surrounded by women I love and being pretty sauced…..I might have ended up hurting myself instead of them.

 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

17 thoughts on “Man Babies | 2”

  1. One of the many things I truly appreciate about you (and your blog) is the transitions and growth you make. Your behavior was not up to your standards, you recognize it and you apologize appropriately.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally relate to many of the things you said. You’re not a horrible person, you’re a grown woman who is self-assured and yet still makes mistakes. This is me, too. No matter how old we are, we’re still figuring shit out and no one’s perfect. Maturity just gives us an edge on how we handle things as they come along. I love your candor and honest posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Here’s my take, and you may not agree, but he sounds like a good friend that overlooks and forgives you at your worst behavior. That’s hard to find dear. Are you sure you want to give up a guy/friend like this? I mean I understand you were not pleased with his behaviors and all either, but seriously consider that he may end up being just what you need. someone you can count on to be there for you, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do agree with you, but he wants more from me than friendship and I can’t give that to him. This sounds harsh but he has ulterior motives (well, don’t we all) for wanting me around, and I don’t think I can do it with him. Nor do I want to use him as I feel it’s unfair.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahh.. I gotcha. Yeah I would hesitate too if I knew I could not be what he desires you to be to him. But still.. he does sound like a great friend though.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I think M is right to be especially wary of someone who is quick to swallow an experience that didn’t sit right with them because they were more afraid of losing the relationship. I hate to be patronizing, but sometimes we know better that the other person does when we are bad for someone. Maybe you can propose taking a very long break from seeing him, although you’ll gladly be his wingman over text/phone, until he finds someone new to fixate on? Finn seems like he could be a great friend, but not until he gets over you.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I was thinking of something like that actually – a break is in order and if he wants to restart as friends only, no kissing no nothing, then I could consider that.

        He apologized to me the next morning because he is so worried about losing my favor. I don’t like that. He needs to stand his ground and he back pedaled.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Whether or not you are going to stop seeing Finn, I might also suggest “going Dutch” when you do, and/or scaling back on the dining budget when you do. That probably goes against your rulebook on dating dynamics, but then perhaps all the more reason to go for this, to send a clear message that you aren’t dating him anymore. It will likely also free you from whatever obligation you have felt towards him to continue being his Safe Date.

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      3. I don’t think our dynamic would sustain Dutch…but I do see your point. At the moment I am avoiding creating to much conversation with him and letting things lie low.

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  4. I don’t think that I would classify Finn as a man-baby for the way he acted. I mean, put yourself in his shoes. Even if I was a good friend — if I had been invited to join a group for some fun and I was ignored all evening, then asked to pay the bill, and then ignored some more, I would have also felt used, not wanted, and I would have left. I wouldn’t take that type of disrespect from anyone — let alone someone who says they are my friend. Finn’s main problem was that he didn’t tell you what was bothering him at the time — but if you were drunk, it probably wasn’t a good time to bring up something like that anyway because no productive conversation could have resulted. I’m glad you realized that your behavior was less than stellar and that you apologized to him — that’s all we can do when we realize we were wrong. I think it’s even better that you are using this as a learning experience and plan to be more careful in the choices you make in the future.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes, you are right…but he wasn’t quite ignored all evening but he was not attended to either. At a party where you are the guest of honor, it’s hard to attend to everyone. And I didn’t ask him to pay the bill -he paid nothing at the happy hour (my sister did) and I did say I would pay him back for the restaurant. I’m more worried that perhaps I said things I shouldn’t have – out loud – because he has willingly spoiled me and I got fresh about it – which was wrong and immature.

      He’s a good guy, albeit confused, and was a great learning experience for me.

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    1. In the last post, the end result was little fault of my own, but this one certainly is and I have to take responsibility for these actions towards a decent person.

      More importantly what I think you mean is I should have eliminated the men from the evening entirely and just had fun with the girls.

      Liked by 1 person

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