Tinder date #2 of the month was yet another bust, but not nearly the disaster of the Smoking Man.
We spoke for about two days before we met, I asked if he smoked, I double checked his photos and phone number and he was very forthcoming with his name and job and real life things. We even spoke on the phone and his voice was very sexy and the cadence of the conversation fun and natural.
To be honest, I could see there might be something I wouldn’t like about his appearance, he wasn’t traditionally (what I would call) good-looking, but he looked appealing. In this case, I stopped thinking about his photos once I spoke to him on the phone, he was pretty fantastic overall.
I was looking forward to meeting him.
Further, he offered to come to me. He doesn’t have a car, so that meant taking a train or Uber about an hour from the city. He wasn’t fussed and made it clear it was the man’s responsibility to come to the woman for the first date. I didn’t argue.
While I know better, what I wasn’t thinking about was the fact that if I didn’t like him, he had made a sincere time commitment to come see me and it wouldn’t be as easy as hopping in his car or walking away if we had one drink. I justified this in my head that we would have a fun date regardless, I knew we would get along from the phone conversation.
So that’s pretty much exactly how it went. He arrived to the train station and I picked him up and wasn’t impressed with his appearance (I know, that’s harsh). But, he was super easy to get along with and I had no doubt we could have a fun night together.
And we did. Lots of laugher, fun conversation and he was interested in my silly stories.
But, he wasn’t interesting, which I didn’t catch on the phone.
Add in the fact that I thought he was unattractive and I knew I should extricate myself from the situation before he grew too fond.
Enter bad-decision making M at her best.
Sometimes, I think these decisions are not so much bad as they are lazy of late. I didn’t really care. I actually sat there and thought to myself “I wonder if ugly guys are any good at sex?” Maybe they have more to gain from wooing a pretty woman? Talk about superficial, right? But that is really what started going through my head.
I offered more than once for him to get on the 11pm train. He started to hold my hand and I knew he wanted more. I just stopped thinking and offered him to come home with me, but to have no expectations. He could take the Uber from there. Part of this was driven by the restaurant closing and the inability to go anywhere else close by in suburbia. One of the reasons why city dating works better for me, these kinds of mistakes just don’t happen.
When we left the restaurant he pulled me into a strong kiss, it wasn’t terrible but I was left wiping his saliva off my face which I didn’t find particularly sexy. He was a decent, but very wet kisser.
When we arrived home, we kissed some more and ended up on the couch, which ultimately ended up with my clothes off.
His oral skills were sorely lacking. And he was sweaty.
What’s worse, when he came up from under he told me he could “do this to me all night” and I thought “oh hell no!”
And now I was just tired of it all.
We cuddled for a bit and he asked if he could stay the night and I told him I thought we had already gone much too far and it wasn’t a good idea. He tried once more to convince me, but then when he tried to kiss me some more and I just kept turning my head he got the hint and called the Uber.
He asked if he could text me today and I replied yes.
I didn’t have the strength to tell him in person there would be no further dates.
Lessons learned from this date: I am superficial when it comes to appearances and have proven this to myself over and over and over. This was just one too many times I tried to date a nice guy that wasn’t physically appealing to me, I just can’t do it. Laziness is no excuse for inviting someone back to your house and allowing any sexual activity. While I didn’t feel good/bad about the experience (I was too tired to give it any thought actually) I would have been better going to sleep than allowing it.
Once again, boredom creates opportunity for me to behave badly and I have to control this. It’s not a pretty feature and I have done it one too many times now for it to be chalked up to “having fun.”
Addendum about a week later:
Of course he sent a text two days later because I said he could instead of coming clean.
I came clean and broke it immediately and he was a pretty cool gent about it….I think this guy deserves some kudos, his behavior was great, I just wasn’t into him.
Here’s the text exchange: