You Really Know the Best Angles For Your Photos, Don’t You?

Tinder date #2 of the month was yet another bust, but not nearly the disaster of the Smoking Man.

We spoke for about two days before we met, I asked if he smoked, I double checked his photos and phone number and he was very forthcoming with his name and job and real life things.  We even spoke on the phone and his voice was very sexy and the cadence of the conversation fun and natural.

To be honest, I could see there might be something I wouldn’t like about his appearance, he wasn’t traditionally (what I would call) good-looking, but he looked appealing.  In this case, I stopped thinking about his photos once I spoke to him on the phone, he was pretty fantastic overall.

I was looking forward to meeting him.

Further, he offered to come to me.  He doesn’t have a car, so that meant taking a train or Uber about an hour from the city.  He wasn’t fussed and made it clear it was the man’s responsibility to come to the woman for the first date.  I didn’t argue.

While I know better, what I wasn’t thinking about was the fact that if I didn’t like him, he had made a sincere time commitment to come see me and it wouldn’t be as easy as hopping in his car or walking away if we had one drink.  I justified this in my head that we would have a fun date regardless, I knew we would get along from the phone conversation.

So that’s pretty much exactly how it went.  He arrived to the train station and I picked him up and wasn’t impressed with his appearance (I know, that’s harsh).  But, he was super easy to get along with and I had no doubt we could have a fun night together.

And we did.  Lots of laugher, fun conversation and he was interested in my silly stories.

But, he wasn’t interesting, which I didn’t catch on the phone.

Add in the fact that I thought he was unattractive and I knew I should extricate myself from the situation before he grew too fond.

I didn’t.

Enter bad-decision making M at her best.

Sometimes, I think these decisions are not so much bad as they are lazy of late.  I didn’t really care.  I actually sat there and thought to myself “I wonder if ugly guys are any good at sex?”  Maybe they have more to gain from wooing a pretty woman?  Talk about superficial, right?  But that is really what started going through my head.

I offered more than once for him to get on the 11pm train.  He started to hold my hand and I knew he wanted more.  I just stopped thinking and offered him to come home with me, but to have no expectations.  He could take the Uber from there.  Part of this was driven by the restaurant closing and the inability to go anywhere else close by in suburbia.  One of the reasons why city dating works better for me, these kinds of mistakes just don’t happen.

When we left the restaurant he pulled me into a strong kiss, it wasn’t terrible but I was left wiping his saliva off my face which I didn’t find particularly sexy.  He was a decent, but very wet kisser.

When we arrived home, we kissed some more and ended up on the couch, which ultimately ended up with my clothes off.

His oral skills were sorely lacking.  And he was sweaty.

What’s worse, when he came up from under he told me he could “do this to me all night” and I thought “oh hell no!”

And now I was just tired of it all.

We cuddled for a bit and he asked if he could stay the night and I told him I thought we had already gone much too far and it wasn’t a good idea.  He tried once more to convince me, but then when he tried to kiss me some more and I just kept turning my head he got the hint and called the Uber.

He asked if he could text me today and I replied yes.

I didn’t have the strength to tell him in person there would be no further dates.

Lessons learned from this date: I am superficial when it comes to appearances and have proven this to myself over and over and over.  This was just one too many times I tried to date a nice guy that wasn’t physically appealing to me, I just can’t do it.  Laziness is no excuse for inviting someone back to your house and allowing any sexual activity.  While I didn’t feel good/bad about the experience (I was too tired to give it any thought actually) I would have been better going to sleep than allowing it.

Once again, boredom creates opportunity for me to behave badly and I have to control this.  It’s not a pretty feature and I have done it one too many times now for it to be chalked up to “having fun.”
Addendum about a week later:

Of course he sent a text two days later because I said he could instead of coming clean. 

I came clean and broke it immediately and he was a pretty cool gent about it….I think this guy deserves some kudos, his behavior was great, I just wasn’t into him. 

Here’s the text exchange:




Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

22 thoughts on “You Really Know the Best Angles For Your Photos, Don’t You?”

  1. Are ugly guys good at sex? LOL!!! I bet some are, in spades! But – I agree with the looks thing, if I’m not instantly attracted, I can’t do it. (I did this once in my 20s, with a friend I hung out with often in a group, knew he liked me and on one drunken night he walked me home and… I ripped that page out of my journal soon after, out of embarrassment.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Yes the ugly guy good in bed thing. Well like you there has to be an attraction for it to work for me too. However, I’ve been with really good looking men that just don’t have a clue what to do outside of just fucking me because they think all they have to do is stick it inside of me and we’re golden. UGH!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it implied you’d be willing to meet him again when you’re not. We know how sometimes your love of this banter and that kind of phrase means the person on the other side misunderstands your messages because they seemingly conflict. Don’t give a guy hope when he should have none… We’ve also both been on the other side and it sucks 💋💋

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I was wondering the same thing as Ann.

    I’m going to offer an observation here and I don’t at all mean to be harsh or judgmental, so please don’t take offense. It’s more like a girlfriend telling another girlfriend with love, “Are you aware of this?”

    In several of your posts, you mention that there is no future and/or attraction with a man and you tell them that — yet you follow up by telling them that you will see them again if they will take you out for oysters, buy you shoes, etc. In reading your posts, it seems like you are a gal who enjoys the finer things in life (and there is no shame in that) — but are you stringing these guys along a bit to get some of those finer things? I guess what I mean is — would you meet this man again if oysters and rose were not involved? And if not — then why would you even consider going out with him again at all?

    Just some “food” for thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No I have no intention of going out with him again and I was being silly or polite but I can understand your point.

      I do enjoy finer things, but will not use dating someone I don’t like to get them. I rejected Aydens offer because it didn’t feel right.

      What I see you and Ann saying is “don’t tease add when you don’t mean it”.

      The only place this balance is off is with Finn and we are trying to work through that together. To enjoy one date I have no shame in going to a nice place, to take advantage is another thing entirely.


  4. Ah — I see your response to Ann after I submitted my comment. But I’m not clear how it was being polite to offer up the chance of another meeting? If you don’t mean it — why say it?

    Liked by 1 person

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